10 Dating Tips for When You’re Totally Over Dating
You're over the queer dating scene. I don't blame you. Men are the worst. Men suck. I know, and I 100% agree. However, if you’re a gay man, this leaves you in a bit of a sticky wicket...
You're so over trying to date gay men, but at the same time, you want a hubby to call your own. You also can’t help but crave the attention, bodies, affection, and love of other men. So you date, but are hating every moment of it. Here are some tips for dating when you’re totally over it, but are also looking to find your next boyfriend!
1. Be careful with Grindr/Scruff/every other gay hookup app
I’m not going to say get off of them completely, although maybe you should. So many guys are offensive, femmephobic, racist, sizeist, aggressive, obsessive, and all around terrible on these apps. Of course, not all guys. But if you’re already struggling to find the good in gay men, then being on these apps is the last thing you want to do. They’ll only make you despise gay men (and gay culture) even more.
2. Don’t have sex on the first date
Now this is not a rule I generally abide by, but then again, I’m not so over dating. That said, many guys won't want to meet up again after you have sex. This is one of those stereotypes that's actually somewhat true. Since being ghosted after sex is not what you’re about right now, I would perhaps take it slow with a guy you like, waiting until at least the second (or third or fourth) date to have sex.
3. Don’t nitpick
When you have a negative mindset, it’s easy to nitpick and find the flaws in every single guy you’re dating. Since you're already "so over" guys, you’re looking for any excuse to dismiss a guy, even when there aren’t any valid reasons.
4. Don’t U-Haul right away
When you meet a great guy you like, it's easy to get excited and move really fast with him. You may be quick to sink your claws into him because God knows all you want to do is be done with dating all other men for good. DON'T do this. You still should take things slowly. There's no need to get committed, pack a U-Haul, and move in together right away, especially when you just met each other.
5. Cuddle more
Cuddling solves most of life’s problems. I love going onto Grindr, asking if a guy wants to come over, make out, cuddle, and nap. Nothing more. Honestly, it’s great. Highly recommend.
6. Practice safe sex
Do you know what’s really going to turn you off to dating men? Getting gonorrhea. Obviously, there’s nothing shameful about it, but it’s more of a pain in the ass than anything else. I know when I get an STI, I always think to myself, "I’m never sleeping with a guy again. I can’t with this shit." So I’d say avoid this problem completely. Wear condoms (even if you’re on PrEP).
7. Date multiple guys at once
Just because you’re looking for one guy to settle down with, doesn’t mean you can’t date a few until you find that one. It’s good not to have all your eggs in one basket, especially while dating.
8. Use apps more geared for dating (as opposed to hookups)
There are apps that are catered more to dates as opposed to sex. I think Tinder and OkCupid are good examples of apps you can use to meet men who are looking for a more serious relationship. I’d rely more on those than the usual gay hookup/sex apps.
9. Take breaks when you need to
Don’t date! I know you want a man, but if you’re really, and I mean REALLY over it, don’t force it. Take some time off until you have the right mindset to date.
10. Expect a little while giving your all
If you can find this balance, you are golden. Don't expect anything from guys. Don't think that the guy you're about to head out on a date with is going to be your next love. But at the same time, still give him a fair shot.
