I could open up Facebook at anytime of the day, and inevitably, I know I will see queer friends lament being single. Some merely recount their frustration, while others reek of desperation. If I don’t see friends lamenting being single, then they’ve written some pithy status about how "men the worst."
Some of these Facebook friends I know personally IRL, but the majority I don’t. What I can say about the men I know just from Facebook, and from what I’ve gathered from their posts, is that these men are not in a place to date. At all. I foresee these men being single for a long time because they’re blaming their problems on others, as opposed to looking at the places where they can improve.
So here they are: 8 ways, as a queer man, you know you’re in a place to start dating seriously.
You don’t necessarily have to love being single, but you should be able to spend a night by yourself without feeling anxious or feeling the need to see a guy. You don’t need to have a different man in your bed every night because you hate the thought of sleeping alone.
Drinking and partying is a large part of queer culture for many gay men (I know it is for me). But you shouldn’t be getting hammered nightly, throwing up, or doing heavy duty drugs all the time. Partying is fine. A few drinks is fine. Binge drinking every weekend is not.
I was dating this guy who got jealous when I posted a thirst trap on Instagram. We weren’t exclusive or anything like that. We had just started dating. He told me this, and I was like, "Oh boy… this is definitely not going to work out."
You’ve heard this time and time again because it’s true. Relationships take hard work and they take compromise. Obviously you shouldn't budge on your core values, but you have to be willing to negotiate the rest.
This means attempting to vocalize your emotions, no matter how ineffable they may seem. This means being direct, even though you know it may hurt him. It means saying what you mean and meaning what you say.
I know so many gay men who praise being petty as if it’s an admirable quality. I know they’re saying this jokingly, but you can definitely tell there’s some truth underneath their humor. If you’re passive-aggressive and petty, there’s no way you can have a committed and meaningful relationship that will last long-term.
Did you just break up with your man? Are you still thinking about him longingly? Are you comparing him to all the other men you’re dating? Are you in denial that you’re still in love with him? Then you’re probably not in a place to date someone new.
All too often, I hear men talk about potential partners as if they are a magical elixir. This cure-all that’s going to fix all of their problems. Have I got some bad news for you. Having a man doesn’t fix shit. You need to work on your problems. A man isn’t going to miraculously solve them by snapping his fingers.
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