Paul Ruebens celebrates his queerness without ever saying the word in 'Pee-wee as Himself' trailer

Footage still via YouTube HBO; Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

Paul Reubens in the documentary 'Pee-wee as Himself' and Paul Reubens transforms himself in the mirror into his character Pee-wee Herman in May 1980 in Los Angeles, California.

"I kept who I was a secret for a really long time. I hid behind an alter ego,” Reubens says in the trailer for his documentary.

The trailer for the documentary Pee-wee as Himself never uses the word “gay,” but queerness is imbued in every frame.

In the first trailer released today for the upcoming HBO documentary, Pee-wee Herman actor Paul Reubens doesn’t tell the audience he’s gay, but every moment of the two minute and 24 second trailer is a celebration of the actor embracing his queer identity.

Reubens was heavily involved in the making of the documentary, which allows the comedian to come out posthumously, after a lifetime of keeping his sexual orientation a secret from the public.

“I don’t want to come off like a victim in some way. I kept who I was a secret for a really long time. I hid behind an alter ego,” he explained in the trailer.

The trailer is a celebration of the identity he had to hide for so many years. From shots of the delightfully colorful and campy Pee-wee’s Playhouse to queer-feeling images of characters he created over the years to interviews with the community of like minded people who starred in or helped him create his show, it’s queer from start to finish.

Reuben’s may not have been able to come out of the closet while he was still alive, but the persona he created and the themes of his show and movies were an act of rebellion in a world that loves to reward conformity and heteronormativity.

“I wanted kids to learn, not only is being different ok, let’s celebrate it. But I want that not just for you but for myself,” Reubens said.

The two-part documentary delves into the trials and tribulations of Reubens' life and career, and acts as “a window into his never before discussed personal life. Determined to correct the record and tell the factual story of his life, Reubens excavates his kaleidoscopic influences, origins in the circus and avant-garde performance theater, and career choices,” according to the official synopsis, per Variety.

The documentary will delve into his sexual identity and the struggle he went through when his life was upended by an arrest for indecent exposure for masturbating in an adult theater in Florida in 1991. The incident tarnished his reputation, which only got more pronounced when he was arrested a decade later on charges of possessing child pornography. He was able to plead guilty to a misdemeanor obscenity charge, pay a $100 fine, and register with the police for three years, after explaining that the images were part of his photography collection and were not of children, but were vintage nude photos of men in “physique” poses that were popular among gay men in the ‘50s.

“There wasn’t a moment in the ‘80s where it wasn’t super cool to be me, and then dark music — bum, bum bum,” Reubens said. “I lost control of my anonymity, and it was devastating.”

But the hours of interviews with the Pee-wee star prior to his death from cancer at age 70 in 2023 have given Reubens a chance to talk about his sexuality, his relationships with men (including the one who inspired hsi Pee-wee Herman persona), the internalized homophobia he experienced, and sets the record straight on his sex scandals.

“Death is just so final. To be able to get your message in at the last minute is incredible.”

Part one and two of Pee-wee as Himself debuts May 23 at 8 p.m. ET.