15 reasons why the guys you like don't like you back

Is it them? Or you?

When something happens once, it doesn’t mean anything. When it happens twice, it’s a coincidence, but when the same thing happens three times, it becomes a pattern. If you noticed you have a pattern of liking guys who don’t like you back, then its time to take a closer look at your behavior to see if it's contributing to the problem.

So let’s see if any of the following seems familiar and may be causing some of your romantic struggles.

1. You like the idea of him

I put this reason first, because I think the majority of the time, this is the major issue. Instead of actually liking him for who he is, you like him because you want a boyfriend so badly. When this happens, you ignore all the ways you two aren’t actually compatible. This then leads to additional problems in how you approach talking to the man you have a crush on.

2. You already know you're not his type

You know the type of guys he dates and you already know you don't fit into what he's looking for. Still, you hope you're the one that changes his mind and tries something new, but this is a recipe for disaster.

3. You're trying too hard

Everything you do is so over exaggerated and over the top. You're damn near desperate to get his attention, and he knows it. This also leads us to...

4. You don't show him who you really are

Within your desperation for his attention, you neglect to show him who really are. This prevents him from liking you for YOU, which is also something you're probably afraid of. If you're scared he won't like you as you are, it's probably best to find someone else anyway.

5. You suck at flirting

I'm so guilty of this it isn't even funny. Put me in a room with a cute boy and it's suddenly like gibberish is the only language I'm fluent in. This is more of a *whomp whomp* reason, but unless you can sharpen your flirting skills, you might keep striking out.

6. You lack confidence

Sometimes, you can get bashful or tongue tied or feel small and meek around your crush. This can lead to a whole landslide of issues we’re about to go over, but think about any of the times you have felt off-put by someone who liked you, and it’s likely there will be at least one or two examples of him lacking confidence.

7. Your reputation proceeds you

Look, the gay community isn’t exactly huge compared to the rest of the world’s population, and it’s likely that you know at least one person who’s been with someone you know. The thing is, sometimes we talk, and sometimes your reputation can proceed you, and it’s not always a good thing. Just keep in mind that you should be kind wherever you go, just in case.

8. You read the signs wrong

Just because he’s nice doesn’t mean he likes you. And if you like him, it might be easier for you to just assume he likes you when he’s nice because you’re hopeful. Don’t assume, because as we know, assuming makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me.”

9. You’re overanalyzing every. single. thing.

I know how hard it is not to overanalyze every little thing when you’re in the early stages of a relationship. Why hasn’t he texted me back? I saw him post a photo on Instagram! Why does he keep talking to his ex? And so on and so forth. Analyzing everything over and over doesn’t create a healthy mindset when in the nascent stages of a relationship. Breathe. Relax. Watch some trashy TV. Take your mind off him.

10. You come on too strong

After one date, you’re talking about how much you like him and can’t wait to rent a cabin up north together. If he’s on the same page you are, that’s great, but most of the time, this scares guys off — even if they like you. God knows a number of gay men have commitment issues, so you might need to ease him into the more “serious” and “long-term” talks.

11. You prioritize looks over personality

Ooohhh. I’ve had numerous friends who claim to like a guy, but after delving a little further, I realize they only like him because he’s pretty. Girl, pretty guys are a dime a dozen, especially in the gay community. We're all sexy AF. Don’t like a guy just because he’s hot.

12. There’s high compatibility but low chemistry

Okay, so this is a trap I’ve fallen into a few times. I like a guy because he’s kind, honest, handsome, and we get along really well. That doesn’t necessarily mean we should be dating. It just means I’ve met another cool person. Sometimes, we confuse compatibility with chemistry, and then try to force these guys to be our boyfriends, when in actuality, we should just be friends.

13. The sex is great — but that’s it

My guncle (gay uncle) once told me I’ll have no idea if I actually like a guy for at least 6 months if the sex is great. At first, I felt he was being patronizing. “I’m not an idiot,” I thought to myself. “I can definitely tell if I like the guy only because the sex is great.” But honestly, it’s often not that simple. We can confuse incredible sex with feelings.

14. You’re having sex prematurely

I love having sex on the first date. (Who doesn’t, am I right?) But sometimes, especially if you like someone, I think it’s better to wait to have sex. This harkens back to my previous point. You’ll know you actually like him for his personality and not because of the sex. Additionally, some guys are completely over you if you have sex too quickly.

15. You have a thing for unavailable men

You might be the type of guy who has a thing for unavailable men: guys with commitment issues, who are already in a relationship, or work wayyyy too hard to seriously date someone. You like someone who’s distant and unobtainable. If you find this being a pattern among the men you like, girl, you better snap out of it!