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Everyone Will Be Gay by 2047, Church Claims (The Agenda Is Working!)
Time to bust out the rainbow flags, straights!
A new poll of LGBTQ+ adults has one church suggesting that the United States is going to go full gay by 2047…and we’re seriously not mad about the idea.
Gallup polls have been measuring the number of adults in the U.S. who identify as “lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or something other than heterosexual” for a full decade now, and in that time, the numbers have doubled. The current number clocks in at 7.1%, with another 6.6% choosing to not weigh in one way or another, according to a poll released last week.
The Universal Life Church, better known to many as that place you go online to get “ordained” so you can perform a wedding for your buddies, weighed in on Twitter, citing the new poll as reason to believe “everyone in America will be gay by 2047.”
\u201cEveryone in America will be gay by 2047. At least, if current trends hold.\n\nA new Gallup poll found that the percentage of U.S. adults that identify as LGBTQ has doubled over the past 10 years. The number now stands at 7.1% of the overall population.\n\nBut there's more...\u201d— Universal Life Church (@Universal Life Church) 1645231226
Of course, that’s not really what the statistics mean. There are absolutely more Gen Zers identifying as LGBTQ+ than in previous generations, but that can likely be chalked up to more people feeling comfortable with acknowledging their identities to themselves and others than anything else.
\u201cI love that the takeaway is that gays have multiplied like gremlins and not that more people are being honest and open about who they are.\u201d— Joshua Conkel (@Joshua Conkel) 1645378355
So while the whole United States being overtaken by a rainbow wave would be a truly epic turn of events, the math isn’t likely to actually shake out that way — and people were quick to drag the church for pretending otherwise.
\u201c@QuartsClock @ulcmonastery So which Beatle was a beetle?\u201d— Universal Life Church (@Universal Life Church) 1645231226
\u201c@Rebecca64748544 @ulcmonastery \u201cThere is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.\u201d \u2014 Mark Twain\u201d— Universal Life Church (@Universal Life Church) 1645231226
\u201c@DiodeLass @ulcmonastery Everyone in America will be left handed by 2340. At least, if current trends hold.\u201d— Universal Life Church (@Universal Life Church) 1645231226
\u201c@ulcmonastery holy shit you are disco stu\u201d— Universal Life Church (@Universal Life Church) 1645231226
\u201cas a 6\u20192 30 year old, i look forward to being 12\u20194 by the age of 60.\n\nat least, if current trends hold.\u201d— LonerBox (@LonerBox) 1645385469
\u201c@OurRepublic12 @ulcmonastery They're trying to scare the olds. The future has never looked brighter to the rest of us.\u201d— Universal Life Church (@Universal Life Church) 1645231226
The good news is that Universal Life Church wasn’t trying to use this as a fearmongering tactic (although some conservative antigay organizations undoubtedly will), but rather a celebration of the way trends are moving. And that’s something we can get behind.
\u201cNature is healing\u201d— \ud83c\udf27\ufe0f\ud83c\udf32\ud83c\udf04 (@\ud83c\udf27\ufe0f\ud83c\udf32\ud83c\udf04) 1645458818
\u201cToo slow, we need to achieve this by 2040 to avoid irreversible damage\u201d— Max \ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200d\ud83c\udf08 (@Max \ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200d\ud83c\udf08) 1645405662
\u201cthis is better than nfts you should get in early\u201d— Glennon Doyle (@Glennon Doyle) 1645392430
\u201cWell played, you finally figured it out. But you\u2019re far too late to stop us.\n\nIt seems there\u2019s no need for secrecy anymore. It is time for us to accelerate the timeline.\n\nEnjoy your final days of heterosexuality.\n\nSee you at Pride.\n\n\ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200d\ud83c\udf08\u201d— Mia Violet (@Mia Violet) 1645368525
A completely LGBTQ+ country is more than the gay agenda can accomplish, I’m afraid, but we seem to be doing just fine all the same.
\u201c@Rainbow_Silks @anthrocultur @ulcmonastery ULC is gay friendly and their tweet is meant to be celebratory; their math is just wrong and their tone ambiguous. The Gay Agenda is running smoothly \ud83c\udff3\ufe0f\u200d\ud83c\udf08\u201d— Universal Life Church (@Universal Life Church) 1645231226
Rachel Kiley is presumably a writer and definitely not a terminator. She can usually be found crying over queerbaiting in the Pitch Perfect franchise or on Twitter, if not both.
Rachel Kiley is presumably a writer and definitely not a terminator. She can usually be found crying over queerbaiting in the Pitch Perfect franchise or on Twitter, if not both.
