20 Thoughts I Had as a Queer Woman During the Presidential Debate

I wasn’t sure what to expect from the first presidential debate. I knew, going in, that I was going to vote for Hillary Clinton in November, because I couldn’t afford a Donald Trump presidency as a queer woman. I didn’t know if Trump would be able to pull it together and present himself as semi-convincing for 90 minutes, and I was hoping Hillary wouldn’t be written off as a prickly shrew for being commanding and serious. As a former Bernie supporter, I was also hoping the primary debates had an impact on her policies.

After the longest 90 minutes of my life, I feel more confident in my vote. But my thought process during the debate was one giant anxious mess. Here are 20 thoughts I had as a queer woman during the presidential debate:

1) Before the debate: I have never felt more sober.
Why does the Bloomberg debate team keep calling this "live pre-game coverage"? In over an two and a half years sober, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more bracingly sober than I do now.

2) When the candidates took the stage: Is it some kind of internalized sexism to be excited about Hillary’s suit right now?

Because I am. She is out for blood tonight.

3) Four minutes in: Okay, this is going to be a long night.
A really, really long night.

4) LET HER SPEAK, DONALD.

Donald is interrupting Hillary about as much as the dude in my college Women’s Studies class who took the course because he "liked to play devil’s advocate" interrupted literally any woman every time she spoke.

5) Did he just say he was smart for not paying taxes?
Does anyone want to see the painful quarterly tax check I just sent out and/or the plain pasta and beans I’ve been eating in the two weeks since?

6) Not to be selfish, but can we talk about the gays now?
I know it’s kind of a stretch with some of these questions, but I just want to feel included.

7) They’re going to talk about race.
My shoulders are going to be permanently stuck by my ears by the end of this election. I am so high strung right now.

8) Takeaway: Hillary evolves on issues when pushed.
Also, Trump has property in Charlotte.

9) I cannot follow most of what Trump is saying.
Is he playing one of these horrifying election drinking games under the podium? What is going on?

10) I never thought I would feel nostalgic for Romney’s binders full of women.[iframe https://giphy.com/embed/3XgHmJ4Tjrhw4 allowfullscreen="" class=^{{"giphy-embed"}}^ frameborder="0" height="472" width="480"]
Remember when that sounded like a wildly inappropriate thing to say? Those were more innocent times.

11) "Prepared to be president."

12) Supreme Court Justices. Supreme Court Justices. Supreme Court Justices.
No one is talking about this, and yet I can’t stop thinking about it.

13)

14) FINISH HIM.
Hillary is going in for the kill with Trump’s sexism and racism here at the end. This is beautiful. This is everything I wanted to say to that devil’s advocate guy in my Women’s Studies class.

15) Woah, leave Rosie alone.
It's time to move on.

16) I have never been more aware of the stakes in my life.
Seriously, you do not need to remind me, Hill.

17) That was the most exhausting 90 minutes of my life.
And I was once peer-pressured into watching the entire Jackass movie.

18) Should I wait to see who is declared the debate winner?
Well, never mind. That was fast.

19) Now I’m just relieved.
I know who I’m voting for as a queer woman who doesn’t want to die and/or hide friends in a bunker. Plus, I didn’t just come out of this debate hating Trump more (who knew that was possible)—I also came out of it feeling more confident about Hillary.

20) I need a shower.

I need a thousand showers.