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The Fosters “Things Unsaid” Recap: We Don't Need No Stinkin' Restraining Order! 

The Fosters “Things Unsaid” Recap: We Don't Need No Stinkin' Restraining Order!

The Fosters “Things Unsaid” Recap: We Don't Need No Stinkin' Restraining Order!

Brandon is just ruining EVERYTHING!


It’s a tough, frustrating week for everyone in Fosterville. Callie’s parole officer isn’t thrilled that Brallie is a ship ABC Family’s Facebook page keeps pulling for, and he has a serious talk Stef and Lena.

Jude sees this and is immediately concerned, despite Mariana’s attempts to distract him with delicious breakfast foods. Stef, Lena, and Mike inform Brandon the Obnoxious that he can no longer see Callie, and though he whines that they can’t stop him Lena shuts him down with a restraining order from the parole officer. That’s right, if Brandon goes within 100 feet of Callie he’ll be arrested. All the sensible people in the room can see that this is what’s best for Callie, but Brandon’s fightin’ words are limited to “That’s bull!” and he storms out. 

Stef’s distracted by her first day back to work, a little guilty that Mike can’t come with her due to the continuing investigation over what happened in Anna’s house last season. Before Stef leaves, Lena expresses her concern that Callie may not think they love her anymore. Since the last thing she heard them say was that they’re not ready for her to come back to the house, this could easily be true.

Back at Girl’s United, Rita (still Rosie O’Donnell), tells Callie’s it’s kinda against the rules to run out of the house and hug your foster brother/boyfriend, and that she’s now out of strikes. 

Callie and Brandon clearly share a, ‘Rules/laws be damned!’ attitude, because the moment Callie’s alone she grabs a hidden phone that’s already got a text from Brandon telling her she needs to text him.

F -- at restraining orders, Brandon. Jesus goes for a jog on the beach and runs into Emma, the girl from the wrestling team who could maybe literally by Zooey Deschanel and Emma Stone’s love child. Thank God, a storyline finally not riddled with doom! She asks why he’s encroaching on ‘her’ beach, and he explains that he’s not stalking her, he’s just starting a new routine to get himself in check since he stopped taking ADHD meds. He explains he’s been pretty successful so far, only his no-processed-foods/foods with dye diet is destroying him. “Do you know what has dye in it? Just about everything that tastes good!” Jesus complains, and Emma responds, “Not everything...” in what is officially my favorite probably unintentional, completely sexual innuendo on a family network. Emma has now passed all like-ability tests and is welcome to stay.            

On her first day of work, Stef’s not thrilled with her new, “I’ve never had a female partner,” domineering, Stef-titled “Sexist dinosaur” of a police-mate. She learns Mike may soon get cleared, but till then she’s stuck with this guy. At least she doesn’t have to work with Kelsey, Mariana’s horrible, thieving buddy. Mariana’s day is saved when Chase (I hope you’ve all watched Teen Beach Movie by now) asks her to help with his costume and ends up dropping his pants in her face before asking her to run lines with him. Kelsey declares that “run lines” is obviously another way to say “make out.” Clearly I have done all my high school play rehearsals incorrectly. Jude’s also having some luck it would seem with Connor, his adorable nail-painting pal who asks him to a movie. Jude shrugs it off, saying he doesn’t know if he’ll be around then before taking a lollipop Connor’s about to throw away.

At work, Lena keeps trying to call Stef but her phone’s only going to voicemail. Hot English Teacher (and apparently the only teacher in the school) tries to have a conversation about e-readers, but Lena’s distracted worrying over Stef’s first day at work. Hot/Only English Teacher doesn’t help by running after her and telling her that there was a police chase where apparently shots were fired, thus winning the “You are the Worst at Calming Someone Down” Award of 2014. Lena tries to call Stef again. No answer. For nearly the rest of the episode she tries to call, and Stef eventually does answer because she already just got shot and that plot line has been recently exhausted.           

But there’s so much more drama than Stef potentially getting shot! As the Glass Menagerie team works on the show, Mariana and Dorky Technician Guy bond, but it’s interrupted by Horrible Kelsey, who’s furious that Mariana’s going to hook up with Chase even though Kelsey likes him.

Kelsey throws the whole, “I told everyone Callie was selling drugs when it was really you, why will you not sacrifice your life to me!” thing at Mariana, then runs off to be horrible elsewhere. The Girls United ladies go on an educational field trip, but Callie gets a surprise when Brandon shows up and pulls her aside for a quick illegal make out sesh. Whoops, now Callie’s not with the group, and Rita runs off to look for her. Luckily, right in the nick of time Daphne shows up to push Brandon aside and cover for Callie, who got “lost” looking for the “bathroom.”

Meanwhile, Kelsey continues to be the worst, and when Mariana tries to tell Chase she can’t “run lines” in an attempt to not let boys get in between her and Kelsey’s “friendship,” Kelsey swoops into say that she is indeed free and can help him out. No one wants to make out with you Kelsey! Go away!

Now, this is The Fosters and it’s been a while since we’ve had an education moment, so when we get back to the plagued Girls United field trip we find Cole getting told “she’s confused” about trying to use the men’s bathroom. He demands that state law says he has the right to use any public bathroom he wants (this is later clarified as only applying in schools), and after getting incredibly misgendered, called a freak, and nearly assaulting a police officer, a fight breaks out and Rita has to pull her charges away.

Back at work, Stef (who wasn’t killed in a police chase), picks up another juvenile delinquent. Sexist Dinosaur writes the kid off, saying that once the kid is in the system they’re a lost cause and that the older they are, the harder it is to get them back on track. Stef, clearly relating this to Callie, says she believes that “All these kids really want to know is that somebody loves them.” Sexist Dinosaur replies, “Problem is, nobody does.”

Mariana apparently hasn’t realized Kelsey is a nightmare, and is confused as to why Kelsey jumped on Chase when they agreed to let him go. Alas, Horrible Kelsey can’t go “run lines” with Chase because she’s got detention. Get it, Mariana! As she arrives at practice, she finds Dorky Technician Guy has fixed her sewing machine purely to impress her, but she ignores him and goes off with Chase. Sure enough, “running lines” does mean gettin’ it on, but both Kelsey and Dorky Technician Guy witness the make out. Vengeance is on the horizon.

Mike approaches the still-pressed Brandon, who takes the confrontation as the perfect time to give Mike a run down of all the times his alcoholism ruined Brandon’s life. Mike apologizes, saying he doesn’t remember, and Brandon shoots back with, “That’s the thing about being a drunk. You get to forget what the rest of us can’t.” Well, that’s one way to get the subject off your semi-impending incestuous restraining order-bound relationship with your future adopted sister.

Let’s not forget about Jesus, one of my favorite characters at the moment because his storyline doesn’t majorly stress me out. After getting beat in a wrestling match during practice by a bully opponent in a higher weight class, Jesus gets an organic, dye-free cookie from Emma Deschanel. She asks him if he’s going to run with him again tomorrow, but, thinking it’s a date, he’s still insists he’s dating Lexi. Lexi’s not coming back, dude! Date the cute, food-restriction abiding wrestler! Jesus is then called over for a wrestling “Tunnel of Love,” which is basically an initiation where you run through your team mates while they pat you on the back. Bully Wrestler isn’t so much with the love thing however, and punches Jesus in the face. Lena, who you will remember is vice principal of the school, shuts down the Tunnel of Love immediately right in front of Emma Deschanel and Bully Wrestler.

Girl’s United circles up back at the house to discuss what happened at the restroom. One girl tells Cole he needs to get over himself and stop throwing “tran-trums.” Gabi insists in a fury of misgendering that Cole is an angry person who’s never going to stop being angry no matter what gender he is. Rita sets the gender pronouns straight, then turns to Callie for her input. Callie voices that she thinks the girls wants Cole to do what’s easy for them instead of what’s right for him. Gabi retorts with my second favorite line, “What are you? Jesus Christ?” The girls break on that note, but Callie’s point is solid, and a nice way to educate the viewers in actually normal-sounding dialogue. Later that day, Stef shows up at Girls United, wanting to see how Callie is. Rita tells Stef she believes Callie knows the family cares, but her advice of “Let her come to you,” seems a little odd, since Callie keeps losing her privileges and couldn’t come to anyone if she wanted to.

Back at the Adams Foster house, Jesus finds a pack of ants in his room, leading to a stock of food under Jude’s bed. Lena has a chat with Jude about this, and he tells her that he’s saving up food for if he gets moved to a different home and his food gets rationed. Lena seems devastated that Jude thinks this and tells him that, yes, life is unpredictable, but he is safe with them.

As per usual, Kelsey is a monster, and informs an authority at the school that Mariana was the one who sold her the drugs, not Jesus. Yes, this is all factual, but Mariana’s changed since then! Let Mariana make out with the cute Teen Beach Movie guy! Alas, Mariana gets suspended from school and extracurriculars. I’m a little confused as to why everyone took Kelsey’s word so seriously, but this is a fictional serial drama so I’ll let it go.

Callie, who’s now getting along with Cole, learns about the ILP from Daphne, or Independent Living Program. Apparently, if you do well at your home and get good recommendations, you can move out at 16, get your own apartment, and get funded for living expenses and school. Looks like Callie has a new dream now.

Mike visits Brandon again and tells him that he didn’t really forget about the alcohol, he was just hoping Brandon didn’t remember. Mike also goes on to say he understands what it’s like not to see someone you need in your life, as he went through a similar thing with Brandon. He then gives him the money for Brandon’s piano lessons. Brandon the Obnoxious takes the money, but immediately calls and cancels the lessons. Looks like someone has become Callie’s human piggie bank. To finish off the week, Callie sneaks out to check her phone but is caught by Cole. Cole takes the phone and says he’ll throw it our for Callie’s sake, but when Callie receives a text from Brandon, Cole responds as Callie, texting in all caps “IT’S OVER. WE’RE DONE.” Oh no! Trouble in the what’s already the opposite of paradise! Next week, Jude announces he’s getting adopted with or without Callie, Callie continues her quest for independence, and paramedics will be involved at some point. How do we wait an entire week??!


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