Top 5 Things We Learned from American Horror Story's Fall Finale

Folks, it's fall finale time. Whatever shall we do without the frantic, gory mess that is American Horror Story: Freak Show every Wednesday night? Well, we are just going to have to find a way to carry on until January when the remaining two episodes return, but before that let's reflect on all that we learned before departing celebrate the holidays in peace!

5. We needed to know everything about Pepper: Pepper's more or less just kind of been around this season, but she's always been just a touch more fascinating because the audience knows she's the same Pepper from season 2's Asylum. Well, wonder about her backstory no more because this week nearly the entire episode focuses on blowing that right open. We learn that Pepper never knew her father and that her mother died when she was young, so when her caretaker sister wanted to go have a family, Pepper just didn't fit into that equation and was dropped at an orphanage. Elsa visited the orphanage while on a quest for freaks, and Pepper was the perfect fit for her equation. Now legal, it was A-okay for Elsa to snatch her out of the orphange and bring her to the freak show. There, Elsa tried to satiate all of Pepper's instincts. For her maternal side, Elsa bargained Ma Petite away from a maharaja. For her romantic side, Elsa found Salty, the less-explored pinhead on the show, and Pepper and Salty were married. This brings us to present day, where Pepper is now mourning Salty, who died in his sleep of a stroke. At least he wasn't brutally murdered, so that's kinda nice, right?

4. Emma Roberts makes an adorable newsboy: This week on backstory-palooza, we also learned how Maggie and Stanley met. Maggie was making ends meet as a precious newsboy with amazing facial structure, and just as she was almost caught, out of nowhere Stanley swooped in to vouch for her. Now, however, there's trouble in grifter paradise when Maggie starts feeling really uncomfortable about everything they've been doing (i.e. murdering lotsa people). Maggie, who's spending her time tragically drunk now that Jimmy's been blamed for murders she and Stanley are responsible for, decides to turn a new leaf and tell Desiree the truth. Only, it comes with a cost even she couldn't have prepared herself for...

3. Lily Rabe is always welcome in our lives: Pepper Part 2 finds Elsa returning the grieving Pepper to Rita, the sister that once abandoned her. While Rita is reluctant to take Pepper into her home, she finally agree. But even better, Lily Rabe is more than welcome back into our hearts when she returns as Sister Mary Eunice! However, it's not under the greatest circumstances (although you could argue any circumstance that puts Lily Rabe onscreen is great). It turns out Rita is in a rough spot herself and has somehow ended up pregnant. Since she's 50 years old and basically an alcoholic, the baby has come out with a few deformities, and she's finding it impossbile to connect. Pepper's doing just fine taking care of the baby, but eventually Rita and her terrible husband devise a plan to get both of these annoyances out of the way. Rita's husband kills the child and pins it on Pepper, who Rita than commits to the asylum where Sister Mary Eunice works. Ay! Did you catch that full circle, everyone? Now Pepper's committed to the asylum and we totally get where season 2 was coming from (also, just how many Jessica Langes exist in this universe?). Comparitively though, is the asylum really worse than the freak show? At least Lily Rabe is there, right?

2. Jimmy lends a helping hand(s) in his own rescue: Jimmy's been locked in jail since he had the murders of various freaks pinned on him, but tonight there are a few at least who are actively ready to help him. Dot and Bette offer the money they would have spent on their surgery to Maggie to try and get Jimmy a great lawyer, but the biggest help comes from Stanley, who shows up at the jail to offer Jimmy the best lawyer in town at a small price. Cut to Maggie showing Desiree the museum where Stanley's been selling all the freak parts. Desiree's horrified to see Ma Petite and Salty's head that Stanley secretly hacked off after his death, but no one's more horrified than Maggie when the newest attraction is revealed - lobster hands! Safe to assume they're Jimmy's, and safe to hope he better have the best damn lawyer in town now. Maggie faints, and really the best we can hope for now is that she hallucinates more of her days as a newsboy.

1. Jupiter, Florida is full of horrible people: Not only are the people in this town horrible - no - they're all, like, weirdly creative psychopathic crazy people who do terrible things in the worst way. First, we had Twisty the deranged clown (is it just me, or does this feel like a completely different show ever since Twisty bit it?). Now, we have Dandy with his charmingly murdering everyone and bathing in their blood. On top of that there's Stanley, who feels no remorse while knocking off the freak show one by one. And on top of alllll that, we have random characters who are also just completely despicable. Remember the Candy Striper's dad who shaved her head and forked her tongue and tattooed her face like a lizard because she was dating a guy he didn't like?? Who does that? Who has time to plan all that? And this week, when Rita's husband wanted to pin the baby's murder on Pepper, he cut off the infant's ears and drowned it in a bathtub full of blood. Murder is bad in the first place, but yeesh, did he need to cut off its ears first? What is the root of Jupiter's daddy issues? And if they have to go killing and mutilating people, why are they all doing it so elaborately? I understand this is a horror TV show but somebody's gotta not be completely graphically terrible around here. Or not, from what we've seen so far. Either way, what better way to embark on this hiatus then with this flash-forward picture of Elsa's future success? At least someone ends this season alive and kickin'.