The Fosters Recap: Kids in All the Wrong Halls

The first thing to notice about this weeks Fosters is that Jesus has been freed from the world of eternal wrestling and is actual able to appear in this episode. Welcome back, Jesus! I’ve mostly missed Emma, and her plot revolves around him, so it’s good to have him around. But still, Jesus is probably not your favorite plot, so let’s get down to business. 

The crew arrives at school for a day of immediate drama. Callie (in the flannelist of flannels) asks if she can hang out at Daphne’s apartment, but Lena’s uncomfortable with her being there unsupervised. Jesus and Emma banter up a storm of sexual tension. Mariana’s not amused, since Jesus has a girlfriend who happens to be her best friend. But Mariana’s got too many problems of her own this week following her cast party sexual confusions to deal with them. Chase and the Surfers (one day you will all have seen Teen Beach Movie) laugh at Mariana as she walks by, and Tech Guy Zac won’t give her the time of day post-cast party snub. 

The school’s principal visits Lena to tell her that her children, excluding Brandon (LOL) all kind of seem to have a lot of issues, and Callie really needs to participate in school so she doesn’t get into more trouble. But Brandon’s the real problem, and during a fire drill he passes off a key to Bully Guy Vico to be able to make the fake ID’s using Lena’s files. This show should just be called “Brandon Makes Terrible Choice.” Cue the credits! 

Don’t worry, Stef and Lena get a plot this week as well. As they look for a potential sperm donor, Stef complains about Mike’s new girlfriend Dani and whether or not she’s a good influence on Brandon. We then get a little convo about the race of the sperm donor. In a scene reminiscent of The L Word Lena wants him to be African American, but Stef wants a white donor so the baby looks a bit like her as well. Lena explains that if the sperm donor is white, with Lena being half-white the baby may not look like Lena at all. Stef gets on board with Lena in moments and they’re back to work. 

At lunch, Brandon and Callie continue their completely awkward attempt to be friends (fist-bump included!).

Mariana joins Callie and explains that all their friends seem to have chosen Horrible Kelsey’s side. Callie also helps her see that the cast party was supposed to be a date with Zac, and he’s probably unhappy that she almost hooked up with someone else. It is also important to note that Callie makes a thrilling amount of wonderful facial expressions during this conversation.

Mariana finds Zac and apologizes for abandoning him, but Zac tells her that they’re no longer friends since the play is over and she did treat him pretty terribly. 

Lovely, pleasant Vico informs Brandon that Lena’s records have an alarm, and they need to code from Lena. Vico gives Brandon his fake ID and tells him they’re hitting the bars tonight. What a wonderful character and influence this fellow is. Speaking of great men, Chase’s friends are now wearing underwear in their back pockets to mock Mariana. Mariana confronts Chase, but instead of breaking down is a total badass. Chase insists he didn’t tell anyone, but Mariana shoots back with, “You know how I know you’re lying? because you’re a terrible actor.” You go, girl! Look who’s not smiling now.

Daphne and Kiara come over to Callie’s house. Daphne, who’s dressed up nicely for a job interview, tells the girls Independent Living is harder than she thought. She can’t get a job, she doesn’t get enough money to pay the bills, and she can’t get her daughter back until she has a job. In less sad news, Kiara got a foster family, thanks to a photo of her that Callie took in photography class ending up on the website. When Stef comes home in full police gear, Daphne gets uncomfortable and the girls leave. 

Party time! Brandon uses his fake ID at a bar, but isn’t too thrilled with the experience. Vico’s probably only comfortable because he definitely looks like a 25-year -old man. Their little rendezvous ends quickly, however, when Brandon sees Mike’s girlfriend/sober buddy Dani drinking at the bar. The next day, Brandon finds out that according to Mike, Dani says she’s been sober for 5 years. Brandon worries that if she falls off the wagon then Mike will too. Finally a not-annoying thought from Brandon.

Stef and Lena talk about Callie’s need to involve herself more in school and the potentials dangers of Callie hanging out with “juvenile delinquent” girls like Kiara and Daphne. Lena points out that Callie is a “girl like them,” just as Callie comes bounding in to ask if she can use the school to take more pictures of foster children to try to get them home. Stef and Lena try to push her in the direction of asking new friends at school to help her, but Callie wants help from Kiara and Daphne. 

Back at school, we learn Jesus has achieved his goal of dropping a weight class. However, Emma has raised a weight class, and thus there’s gonna be a wrestle off this afternoon. Unsurprisingly, there’s a moment of sexual tension-ish during the wrestle off where Jesus drops his guard and Emma wins.

Emma’s angry at him for partially allowing her to win because of his distraction, then kisses him. Later, he comes to apologize for what happened during wrestling and kisses her again. She tells him she can’t date a cheater, and he says he doesn’t want to cheat (after trying this sleazy “She’s in Honduras...” thing), and announces he will break up with Lexi as he takes Emma’s hand. In all seriousness, much drama can this show get from a girl who is indeed in Honduras for the next several years? Unless there’s a Lexi Redux in our future...

Lena is approached by the hot British (and apparently only) teacher Timothy, who wants to take some drama props to the nursing home where he does Shakespeare with the residents. Hm, an attractive English teacher who directs Shakespeare at a nursing home? I think we’ve found ourselves a sperm donor!

Mariana continues her downward luck spiral when she opens her locker and several pairs of men’s underwear falls out. Still holding the underwear, she runs in to Lena. Cut to the birds and the bees chat, where Stef and Lena amusedly sit Mariana down to teach her, “the right ways to let a boy know that you like him.” Shockingly, this is not generally considered slipping your underwear into his pocket in a crowded place. Mariana said she did it because no one would believe a boy like Chase would liker her and she wanted to prove them wrong. But someone does like you Mariana! And his name is Tech Guy Zac. 

Party time part 2! In an attempt to figure out if Dani is an appropriate person to have around, Stef invites her, Mike, and Brandon over to dinner. In an attempt to see if his sperm will be sufficient, Lena invites Timothy. At the totally awkward party, Stef tries to find out more about Dani while Lena plugs Timothy as is he were a Toyota. The dinner ends with Dani telling Brandon privately that she knows he saw her at the bar and that is was just a slip up Brandon never needs to say anything to Mike about. In the kitchen, Lena admits her motives behind inviting Timothy, and Stef says she’s uncomfortable with the idea of a non-anonymous donor since it would just be another potentially dramatic relationship in their already dramatic lives. Successful dinner, I’d say! 

After hours at the school, Callie gets ready to take photos of Foster children. Daphne, who was supposed to help her set up, ends up distracted by a closet filled with Amazon boxes. Future problems aside, we do get a lovely montage of Callie taking adorable photos of Foster children, including Cole, making a much welcomed appearance. His family won’t take him back, so now he’s in need of a Foster family.

Daphne joins back up with the group and admits didn’t get the job she wanted. She then asks to go to the bathroom, and Callie throws her the keys Lena trusted her with. But does anyone ever really just ‘use the bathroom’ on a TV show? 

The next day, just as Lena receives the news that Timothy will happily be their sperm donor, the principal bursts in and tells her that many new Kindles were stolen. Lena asks Callie if she gave anyone the keys and Callie says she didn't. She confronts Daphne herself, but Daphne’s not thrilled with the accusation and yells at Callie, then tells her that Brandon was in the school that night, even though he said he was at the dinner party. Callie asks Brandon if this is true, and he asserts it isn’t. Brandon then confronts Vico, who admits that yeah, he stole the Kindles (I guess some people do just ‘use the bathroom’ on TV shows). But of course by then Callie has already gone to Stef and Lena to admit she lied and that she had given Daphne the keys. Callie notices later that night that Brandon’s car showed up in one of her photos, meaning he was at the school that night and just lied right to her face. Brandon being a sneaky liar? No way!

In happier news, Zac gives Chase a super scathing school paper review for his Glass Menagerie role, and he and Mariana are now back to being friends. Because no matter how whiny she was in the first season, we all love Mariana and root for her happiness. 

Next week, look forward to a Zac and Mariana Kiss, Jesus trying to break up with Lexi, and most importantly, Stef and Lena finding Callie and Jude’s dad. Anyone who hates Mondays definitely doesn’t watch The Fosters.