Dating is tough for everyone, regardless of gender and sexuality. Dating as a bisexual is even tougher. Being bi poses unique problems that gay and straight men/women don’t face. There are numerous stereotypes about bisexual folk that are plain wrong: we can’t be monogamous, we’re actually just gay, we just want the attention, etc. For first dates, there’s a particular barrier you need to face if you’re bisexual: you need to come out and say it. Of course, a gay man doesn’t need to let the man he’s on a date with know he’s gay… it’s assumed. Neither does a straight woman have to tell the man she’s on a date with, “So I’m actually straight.” Yes, honey, we know.
When you’re out as a bisexual, especially when single, you have to repeatedly tell people (or clarify) you're bi. It’s exhausting, and at times, unbelievably frustrating. Given that I’ve had to say it numerous times, I’ve experimented with how I say it, and here’s what I’ve come to realize.
1. You have to believe it.
There was a (long) time when I wasn’t exactly sure of my sexuality, and when I first started identifying as bisexual, I used the label because I wrongly felt I had to pick one. It took me a while to think, “Oh wait, I am bisexual, and I actually identify (and like) this label.” In that confusing time period, I would say, “I think I’m bisexual.” While that should be enough, because sexuality is fluid and often difficult to figure out, people are jackasses. These jackasses would flood me with questions about my (bi)sexuality. Questions that were rude, personal, and ones I didn’t know the answers to. I noticed when I believed it, and said it confidently, others believed it too. It’s a shame I had to get to that point of saying it confidently, and I know it makes it difficult to get to that point when people demand proof, but sadly, that’s how it worked out for me.
2. If you’re talking about a past relationship/sexual encounter with someone of another gender, be prepared to explain yourself.
Alas, when you're on a first date with a woman, you can’t say, “When I dated this guy a while ago...” without her raising an eyebrow. I know, this shouldn’t be the case, but this is the world we live in. Be prepared to explain your sexuality at this point. I typically clarify, “As you probably figured, I’m bi.” I then gauge his/her microexpression to see if s/he’s open to the idea of dating someone bi.
3. Say it with pride.
There’s nothing shameful about being bi (obviously), but the more pride you say it with, the more secure you seem in yourself. Regardless of sexuality, no one wants to date someone who is ashamed of who they are.
At the end of the day, there’s no correct way to come out and say you’re bi. Say it however you feel comfortable, and if you don’t feel comfortable using the label, then definitely don’t. These are just some realizations that have been helpful for me, because as I mentioned, dating as a bi person can suck, and learning these things have made dating just a tad bit easier.
