While Glee has offered, since its inception, a groundbreaking storyline for its main gay Kurt, including a bullying story and the touching relationship he has with his dad, the show has rarely veered to the Sapphic side save for some playful kissing and a mention of ‘scissoring’ between Santana and Brittany. But hold on to your Cheerios' uniform because Glee dropped a big lesbian bomb this week.
It seems impossible that anyone in the LGBT world would not have heard of the poignant lesbian story – on par with Pretty Little Liars excellent and respectful portrayal of a lesbian character—beware of SPOILERS AHEAD in our special edition Glee Gay-Cap.
Ep. 2:15 – Sexy
This week’s Glee is all about sex -- more specifically teaching the New Directions kids the specifics since Finn apparently thinks he can get HIV from a cucumber and Brittany’s convinced she’s pregnant after a stork made a nest near her house. Let’s just suspend belief about the idea of a stork settling down in suburban Ohio for now.
To assist in getting the glee club kids up to speed on all things sex related guest star Gwyneth Paltrow is back as Holly Holiday, who is substituting for the health and wellness teacher. And hot Ms. Holiday has some interesting methods of sex education, including kicking it off with a steamy, all hands –or booties – on deck, version of Joan Jett’s “Do You Want to Touch Me.”
But on to the big story of the day!
Lovable but clueless Brittany (Heather Morris) is busy doodling "I heart Santana" on a Post-It in her locker when her best pal and occasional scissor buddy Santana (Naya Rivera) approaches.
“Hey Brit Brit. Listen, how about you and I pop in some Sweet Valley High this evening and get our cuddle on?” Santana proposes – an offer that has got to be tough to refuse.
“Look, I’d really like to get my sweet lady kisses on but I haven’t been feeling very sexy lately. I think I have a bun in the oven,” Brittany confesses. “Please don’t tell anyone, okay? Especially Artie!” Brittany begs. But offering that sort of information to Santana is the ole kid in the candy shop scenario. Before Brittany makes it 20 feet down the hall Santana sets the gossip chain in motion and Brittany's boyfriend Artie (Kevin McHale) is well on his way to believing he’s going to be a daddy.
Never fear though. Before long the preggers info makes it back to the glee club room and Brittany shares her stork story, sending eyes rolling and convincing Mr. Shue (Matthew Morrison) to enlist Ms. Holiday as the unofficial glee club sex educator.
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Later, once Brittany figures out she’s not pregnant from the stork building its nest outside her room, Santana is playing with Brit’s hair and putting it up for her. But Brittany has something else on her mind besides storks.
“I want to talk to you about something. I really like it when we make out and stuff,” she says. But before she finishes Santana leans down to reiterate her lady kisses mantra.
“Which isn’t cheating because…” Santana says.
“The plumbing’s different,” Brittany finishes. Still, Brittany has something to say. She tells Santana that when she and Artie are together they talk about “feelings,” a twist on the whole girl-on-girl is only about emotions notion.
“Are you kidding?” Santana asks with disdain while reapplying her lip-gloss. “It’s better when it doesn’t involve feelings. I think it’s better when it doesn’t’ involve eye contact,” says the self-avowed school slut in a very tongue-in-cheek twist. Still, Brittany wants to talk feelings.
“I don’t know, I guess I just don’t know how I feel about us,” she says.
“Let’s be clear hear. I’m not interested in any labels unless it’s on something I shoplift,” says the emotionally impenetrable Santana.
“I don’t know Santana, I think we should talk to someone, like an adult,” Brit says. “This relationship is really confusing for me.” And here’s where the writers toss in an apt breakfast analogy. Santana tells Brittany that breakfast is confusing for Brittany, implying it’s no surprise she cant’ wrap her head around their relationship.
“Sometimes it’s sweet and sometimes it’s salty. What if I have eggs for dinner? What is it?” Brittany muses in a mildly brilliant way.
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The confused would-be lovebirds engage Ms. Holiday’s help to figure out just what is happening between them.
“Welcome to my sacred, sexy sharing circle,” Ms. Holiday says, as the three of them sit cross-legged on floor.
“I just want to thank you for confiding in me because I know this is tough,” Ms. Holiday begins. “And I want to ask both of you if either one of you thinks that you might be a lesbian?” Cue the sound of gob smacked mouths nationwide as it’s beginning to look like Ryan Murphy and Co. are really broaching the subject of lesbianism and not just using at as a punch line and a tease.
Brittany answers that she’s not sure while Santana goes on to say she’s into girls and guys but that she’d also made out with a mannequin and had a sex dream about a shrub, implying that she’s resigned herself to being a general nymphet and hasn’t really considered if she’s a lesbian or not.
“Well, we’ve all been there. I went to an all-girls college where the only industry in town was the manufacturing of softball equipment,” Ms. Holiday says. But…if she had truly gone to an “all-girls” college she would know that it’s anathema to the Seven Sisters’ crowd to call it anything but a women’s college, but I digress in a moment of climbing on my Mount Holyoke high horse.
“I still feel a little tingle when I hear Ani Difranco,” Ms. Holiday adds with nostalgia. “Anyway, it’s not about who you are attracted to ultimately, it’s about who you fall in love with,” she says.
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Brittany is the first to speak, saying that she doesn’t know how she feels since Santana is essentially completely cut off from her feelings and won’t discuss it. To help open a pathway to discussion Ms. Holiday suggests they find a song with lyrics that encapsulate their relationship.
“I can be down with that,” Santana finally says. “I have the perfect song. There’s just one problem though. Brit and I may need your help to sing it.”
And as Gwyneth is having a career resurgence covering songs on Glee of course Ms. Holiday is happy to help.
Next up, the ladies are singing Stevie Nicks’ “Landslide” for the glee club, with Ms. Holiday singing lead and on acoustic guitar while the girls sing harmony. As a sidebar, Ms. Stevie Nicks happened to be on set the day they recorded her classic tune.
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They "Landslide" lyrics include, “Well I’ve been afraid of changing because I’ve built my life around you. But time makes you bolder, children get older, I’m getting older too…” Now, I’m certain there is a pop culture thesis assignment somewhere in analyzing the “Landslide” lyrics line by line to Brit and Santana’s relationship but for our purposes I’ll stick to the broad strokes. As the song was Santana’s ode to Brittany it’s the equivalent of her confessing her feelings for the first time, but with an audience of her peers. That said, Santana begins to break down a little, crying while singing, which is something I like to do when I’m driving and singing, but that’s another story.
“Is that really how you feel?” Brittany asks when the song is over.
Santana, wiping away a tear says, “yeah.” Aww. And cue the sound of a million Glee-loving lesbian hearts taking flight. Santana gets up to give Brittany an extended hug.
Santana’s boyfriend of the moment, a sweet but rather dim Sam (Chord Overstreet), leans into Artie saying he’s happy that their girlfriends are so close and wishes he and Artie could be as close. But the winning line of the episode goes to Lea Michelle’s Rachel Berry for breaking the tension.
“Can I just applaud this trio for exploring the uncharted world of Sapphic charm? Brava. Brava,” Rachel says. And that’s’ what snaps Santana out of her momentary lapse of utter un-guardedness.
“Look, just because I sang a song with Brittany doesn’t mean that you can put a label on me. Is that clear?” Santana counters.
Poor Rachel. She just can’t win no matter what a friend to the gays she is. But this has me thinking that perhaps the self-proclaimed “celibate” Rachel could do with a little exploring of “Sapphic charm.” That’s just a suggest to the Glee producers!
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A few days later, or maybe the next day… I’m not sure except that they are wearing different clothes, but Santana approaches Brittany asking to talk.
“We never do that,” Brittany says.
“I know but I wanted to thank you for performing that song with me in glee club. Cuz it made me do a lot of thinking. What I realized…it’s why I’m such a bitch all the time. I’m a bitch because I’m angry. I’m angry because I have all of these feelings,” Santana confesses.
“Feelings for you that I’m afraid of dealing with because I’m afraid of dealing with the consequences. Brittany, I can’t go to an Indigo Girls concert. I just can’t,” she adds. And I want to scream to Santana that it’s no longer a requirement so feel free to wade into the Sapphic waters! On another note, poor Amy and Emily – they’ve been churning out well-loved music for decades and they’ve been reduced to a punch line in popular culture.
“Do you understand what I’m trying to say?” Santana asks, but Brittany -- being Brittany—does not get it.
“I want to be with you but I’m afraid of the talks and the looks. You know what happened to Kurt at this school,” Santana says.
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Brittany adds some comfort to Santana’s coming out dilemma. “Honey if anybody were to ever make fun of you, you would either kick their ass or slash them with your vicious, vicious words,” Brit says.
Who knew singing “Landslide” would open the floodgates for Santana? Crying again, she says, “I know but I’m so afraid what everyone will say behind my back. Still, I have to accept that I love you. I love you and…” Wait for it because this is just great. It looks like Glee is not going to half-ass this lesbian storyline!
“I love you. I don’t want to be with Sam or Finn or any of those other guys. I just want you,” Santana confides. “Please say you love me back, please,” she adds. And at this point there’s not a dry eye in the country that is tuned in to Fox at 8 p.m. on a Tuesday.
“Of course I love you, I do. And I would totally be with you if it weren’t for Artie,” Brittany says. Brit goes on to say that she loves Artie too and she can’t hurt him by breaking up with him.
Santana, flashing a bit of the heartless bitch we’ve come to know and love says, “Yes you can. He’s just a stupid boy.”
“Santana, you have to know… If Artie and I were to ever break up, and I’m lucky enough that you’re still single…” Brittany says, grabbing Santana’s hand, which Santana rebuffs with a, “don’t.” Brittany finishes her thought however, “I am so yours -- proudly so.”
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But Santana is not having it. Now that she’s fully copped to her lesbian tendencies she’s ready to try them out full stop. Brittany goes in for a hug but Santana throws her arms up and tells Brit to get off her before turning on her heel.
Cut to Rachel running the celibacy club since Ms. Pillsbury (Jayma Mays) has her own frigidity problems she needs to address.
Lo and behold, Santana, Brittany and Artie have joined the celibacy club, although Santana is seated apart from the kinda-sorta happy het couple.
Here’s a thought though. Maybe Santana and Brittany don’t need the celibacy club. Since lesbian sex is not considered real sex by swaths of the general public, maybe there’s some wiggle room – as it were.
It will be exciting to see where Glee takes the Santana story. Maybe it’s time to pretend cast a love interest for her!
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