Where the Girls are on TV: This Week in Channel Surfing

While my girls are protesting their butts off, I am here to report the idle nada of this week in girl-on-girl television. But first, congratulations to SheWired’s Lauren Incognito for having her baby! I heard labor was 96 million hours long and the baby didn’t even thank her when she arrived. Wow. Talk about an ingrate. But, I saw pictures on Facebookand she is too cute to have to thank anyone, really.

Speaking of someone who never needs to thank anyone. Jennifer Aniston’s mug has been plastered all over my crappy T.V all day just for calling Angelina Jolie “uncool” for admitting to loving Brad while he was still married to Jen. Whatever. Angie, I would never call you “uncool”. You can love who ever you want, whenever you want. Gosh Jen, don’t be so selfish, share with Angie!

In other odd behavior, wacky fitness guru Susan Powter appeared on The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet. Yes, this is what it has come down to for lesbians on T.V… Mike unabashedly pointed out “I didn’t know if you were a lesbian.”

To which Powter replied, “What planet are you living on?” Apparently, Mike’s Gaydar is worse than Sam Ronson’s. And as far as what planet he is living on, it is the one where he is considered a fist-class citizen. It is called Earth, apparently. Although, it does feel a bit like Mars at the moment, so I will give him that.

For all of you Little House on the Prairie fans, don’t move to Finland any time soon because the “Adult Viewing Only” DVD is available in Scandinavia and has people wondering if the rating was due to unseen lesbian content. I swear I did read this somewhere. Okay folks, I am pretty sure it had to do with studio money and ratings savings. Although, at this point I will believe anything! But Nasty Nellie?

On a serious side note, I think Melissa Gilbert hogged all the good genes. Poor Sara Gilbert never really stood a chance but she’s a dyke so we love her anyway.

In other, headlines, incredibly stupid Marjorie Christoffersen, the Moronic Mormon whose mother owns El Coyote Restaurant here in Los Angeles, took my enchilada money last month and gave it away to support Prop 8. I have a feeling that the only people eating there anymore are crickets. Why do I get the strange feeling that she is regretting opening her big, fat mouth? Dumb ass. It is called “thinking”, Marj. It is something we do before we are able to do other things like drive, eat or pet a cat. You should try it some time.

Another pretty kitty Lindsay Lohan is back in the news and, if you can believe it, it totally gets worse. When asked about our new President-elect, Barack Obama, she claims she is excited because he is “our first colored president”. Poor Lindsay. Sometimes I forget how dumb she is. It’s 2008, Linds, not 1908.

This will be the last time I will bring up Grey’s Anatomy since my recent opposition to all things ignorant. And I am fairly certain that they threw Dr. Erica Hahn --Brooke Smith --back in the pit with Precious. Put the lotion in the basket, Brooke!

However, Melissa George’s character is no longer going to be gay. Quelle surprise! Instead, she will flirt with Ellen Pompeo’s Meredith when she makes her appearance and that will be that. The inspiration for Melissa George’s character? Lindsay!

Top Chef had its season premiere and a new lesbian contestant…hello Jamie! I am digging her tattoos. Oh, and she loves Madonna. I still like her, though.

The View’s Elisabeth Bafflebeck supports Prop. 8, but apparently does not support thinking for herself. I wish there was a proposition that we could all vote on to send her to the Outback…and I don’t mean the steakhouse, which by the way, has the best ‘Wedge Salad’ in town.

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On a happier note -- if there even is one in this crappy month -- the young and super-slutty Daisy De La Hoya is coming back with the much-anticipated spin-off of a spin-off, Daisy of Love. She can take my flower anytime, on air or off.

For those of you with no blonde ambition, she was the naughty little hottie on the Bret Michael’s “hit at my house” Rock of Love 2.

If you are as hip as me, then you remember the finale where Daisy stormed off, arms crossed, crying and pouting about how she wanted some ice cream to make her feel better. She was not Bret’s chosen ‘rock of love,’ but a very librarian-esque, stiletto-wearing snore, Ambre -- yes, that is the correct spelling -- was crowned his ‘rock of love, lust and like.’

The obviously bi-Daisy will be out with her show next spring, resulting perfectly on the heels of Bret and Ambre’s recent July break-up. That’s got to feel good. Sorry, Ambre. I hear Bret Favre is available.

As lesbians in television are temporarily becoming extinct, we can still see ourselves in the movies. I Can’t Think Straight opens in Los Angeles and New York on November 21st. International filmmaker, Shamim Sharif, who wrote and directed The World Unseen and I Can't Think Straight, both starring smoking actresses Lisa Ray and Sheetal Sheth, gives us an inside look at love and beauty. I really am looking forward to this one.

To sum up, ABC Exec’s still lacking in the balls department, El Coyote will probably go out of business, and Lindsay is still stupid…and cute. And as I'm a kiss-ass and good with deadlines, I'd already written this by the weekend. So here's a quick shout out to Wanda Sykes for coming out! We always knew she was one of us.