The Coming Out Letter

As I've said before, coming out is not easy. It is often times painful and never ending. Once you come out to close friends and family, there's still the office and anyone you happen to stumble upon for the rest of your life. Some may have it easier than others because they are the few, the proud, the 100-footers; but others aren't so easily recognized. That is why I have written this open letter tailored to the needs of makeup-wearing, stiletto-rocking women who just happen to like other women. I print this letter on the back of my my head shot so that it can be passed around to strangers and any potential Real L Word casting directors.

Dear friends and family,

It is with great joy that I announce I am gay. Please hold your applause, I can't hear it as this is a letter. Please do feel free to applaud my bravery in coming out the next time we see each other.

I'd like to provide former male lovers of mine with some comfort at this time. I know the male ego can be bruised easily and would like for you to know this had nothing to do with you. You were great in bed, besides for the fact that you chose to sleep with someone who's not that into your gender. I'm sure you'll make better choices in the future. And I look forward to evenings of going out and hitting on ladies together. Instead of thinking of this as you losing a friend with benefits, you should think of this as gaining a lesbro. Studies show that having lesbian friends makes you at least 10 percent more attractive. That study was conducted in my own head because your having lesbian friends increases my dating pool. Nevertheless, I'm sure you'll get over losing me.

And now to my family. For your convenience I've contacted your nearest PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) chapter and reserved seats for you at their next meeting. I hear they're planning something great for this year's Pride. Surely members of this club will come to be some of your closest friends. Speaking of Pride, I plan to spend most of the parade on the back of a motorcycle driven by one of the “dykes on bikes.” I'm sure you'll cheer me on proudly as we ride through the streets waving Pride flags. Don't worry, I'll excuse you if you wait for me to put on a shirt before snapping pictures for the family album. Mom, I promise to be wearing earrings and lipgloss. You taught me well.

And finally, to my friends ... You'll notice I've made a few adjustments to your calendars ensuring they're accommodating to my interests. We'll be spending approximately 25 percent of our time at gay and lesbian bars. For your convenience I included notes about theme nights and proper attire. No need to thank me. I felt I owed it to you after I had to sit through countless romantic comedies and listen to your boy problems. I look forward to sharing every detail of my same-sex relationships with you all. While I may want to watch the Sex and the City episode where Samantha dates the lesbian artist a few more times, I assure you our Sex and the City marathons are written in permanent marker in my calendar. I'm also adding The L Word to our itinerary. It's a fabulous vagina fest and as straight women you're sure to fall in love with the oh-so-attractive Shane.

Thank you family and friends for your support during this exciting time. I look forward to our relationships growing as I enter this new phase of life out of the closet.

Sincerely,

Camille Roane

P.S. Please don't feel the need to donate my mini-dresses to the Salvation Army. I'm wearing the black one with my cowboy boots to country night at our local lesbian bar Saturday night.

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