10 things all tops want bottoms to know

Scroll To Top

10 things all tops want bottoms to know

Want to know how to please a top? Here's what they wish bottoms knew.

how to please a top: things tops want bottoms to know

Rawpixel.com/Shutterstock

Bottoms, I would first like to start by expressing our deep gratitude for your existence. Without you, anal sex would be impossible, and we would all be very depressed and celibate gay men. I also want to thank you for existing in abundance. I seldom have the issue of running into another top. For that, again, my sincere thanks. But that said, there are a few ways that you can make sex even better. There are a few things you might not be aware of, considering you’re being filled up, and not doing the filling. So here are 10 things all tops want bottoms to know.

1. We want you to move

Please don’t just lie there. We don’t want to feel like we’re having sex with a dead fish. We’re not necrophiliacs. Please be an active bottom. We don’t even mean power bottom, we just want you to actually move when we’re having sex with you.

2. We can’t power drill forever

Alas, we’re not porn stars. (Unless if you actually are a porn star. If so, please ignore.) If we power drill for two minutes straight, then you’re going to end up with two minutes of sex. Because the vast majority of us will either orgasm or tire ourselves out.

3. Let us know if your ass isn’t clean (before we eat it)

Sometimes you’re not sure how clean you are. Honestly, this is fine for anal penetration. (While many guys will disagree with me, I think it’s worth the risk). However, if you’re not 100% clean, please don’t encourage us to eat your ass, and please stop us from doing so.

4. Signal to us you want something not on the menu

Especially for casual encounters, where the sexual acts weren’t pre-negotiated, please convey to the top if you want something that he’s not doing. If you want something rougher or kinkier. You can (and should) be directly verbal and say, “choke me,” but if you’re not comfortable with saying something, take his hand, put it around your neck, and squeeze it. That way he knows it’s okay. Be clear about what you want, especially if it’s outside the norm.

5. Let us know where you want us to orgasm

As you’re very well aware, we often aren’t thinking clearly the seconds before finishing, so please tell us where you want it to go. Otherwise, who knows where it will end up. And there’s nothing worse than a waste of semen on the sheets or on the walls.

6. Squeeze your anus when we’re inside of you

For some reasons, few bottoms think to do this. Squeeze your anus when we’re inside you. The pressure feels really, really good.

7. We need breathers

We can’t go forever. So please, take control. Ride us for a little bit so we can get a break from doing doggy. Switch to positions that require more exertion from the bottom than the top.

8. Just because you're on PrEP doesn’t mean we’re not wearing any condoms

We know PrEP works. However, we don’t know how well you adhere to your meds, and we don’t want to acquire other STIs. Gonorrhea sucks. Taking antibiotics sucks. Also, bottoms are at higher risk for contracting HIV than tops. So please, please respect our decision to use a condom if we so choose.

9. Don’t assume we bottom because we're fem or short

Tops come in all shapes and sizes, including short guys and feminine dudes. There are so many drag queens out there who are tops. Don’t assume someone is a top or a bottom because of the way they present or because of their size.

10. We have a refractory period

You know this. You are a man too! So please, don’t ask us to have sex again 60 seconds after we orgasm. Give us 15 minutes and (most of us) will be ready to go again.