Out On Campus: UVA

Welcome back to SheWired's exclusive series 'Out on Campus,' brought to you by SheWired Associate Shannon Connolly and Senior Editor Tracy E. Gilchrist.  We are busy combing college campuses across the nation -- or even around the world -- to bring readers a varied perspective on coming out or being out at college.

Enjoy, and if you'd like to be a part of our series please email me at [email protected].

Growing up I always had my suspicions about my sexuality. Perhaps it was my uncanny resemblance to Zach Hanson, my three-month stint when I would only answer to the name Michael, my weird crush on Topanga from Boy Meets World, or my natural athleticism and desire to play and dominate every sport in high school, but I ignored all of these signs, put them away… until the end of my first semester at the University of Virginia.

The first night of move-in weekend UVA hosts an official welcome party for all the incoming first years, and then there’s an unofficial block party that everyone actually attends. It was at the block party that I met my best friend Ayla. We didn’t know it at the time, but in a semester’s time we would both be coming out together. But, I am getting ahead of myself…

The week I met Ayla, I also met the boy I would have an on-again / off-again relationship with through the rest of the semester. We met the first week of school and became great friends, and it eventually led to something more. After a year of ups and downs with him, he decided that I was the one for him. I should have been thrilled and excited, but rather I started thinking of all the reasons why it wouldn’t work and of all of our differences. I told him I needed a few weeks to sort myself out and during our break that is exactly what I did.

Being an athlete, Ayla had the opportunity to meet a diverse group of girls, We were suddenly incorporated into their community, and, most importantly, their weekly Sunday L Word festivities. Meeting these fantastic girls, realizing the existence of a lesbian community at the University, and being on a break with my boyfriend, I decided to explore the feelings I had suppressed. With the support of Ayla, I began talking to one of the L Word regulars and soon after we started dating. I remember how nervous I was, not because I found myself falling for a girl, but because I was falling at all. No boy had ever made me feel the way she did, and I finally started to accept myself for who I am.

Founded by Thomas Jefferson, the University of Virginia prides itself on its liberal education and atmosphere, and for the most part, coming out at UVA was not all that hard for me. I told all of my close friends, and everyone else found out through the grapevine, or Facebook. For kicks, Ayla and I put that we were “in a relationship” on Facebook, and to this day people ask our close friends if we are still going strong, because clearly no two lesbians can just be best friends. Through my first girlfriend I met a great group of girls, and I became part of a wonderful, loving community. Even though I was out to my friends, and my family, I still didn’t feel like I was completely “out” on campus. Most people thought I was an athlete and that’s why I was spending time with those girls.  I have heard people say that I play on the soccer, softball, and volleyball teams, and that I have apparently been dating Ayla for three years. Knowing some of these misconceptions, I decided to step out of my wonderful lesbian bubble, and get out there, literally.

Ayla and I joined the Queer Student Union, which is the University’s largest LGBT group on grounds. QSU strives to provide a safe, welcoming, and confidential environment for all lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and those people who are questioning in the community. We have weekly meetings discussing pertinent issues or concerns, and organize events such as the extremely fun “Proud to be Out” Week, and Drag Bingo events. QSU opened my eyes to the even broader LGBTQ community at UVA, and personally made me want to get more involved. Once a week I volunteer at the LGBTQ Resource Center which is found in one of the halls on grounds, in a private wing to protect those who don’t feel as comfortable being out. The Resource Center provides information, books, movies, and, more importantly, just friendly faces. It’s a safe place to hang out in between classes, chat with fellow students in the queer community, or pop in one of your favorite movies, I personally have watched But I’m A Cheerleader at least 5 times there.

I am also involved with the Speakers Bureau, which is a phenomenal group that creates awareness of LGBTQ issues to the rest of the campus. There are typically four to five of us on a panel, and we go to fraternities, sororities, lectures, RA training, and first-year orientations and each of us tells our coming out story. I tell of my mother playing Melissa Etheridge every night at dinner, and exclaiming to the entire airport that her “daughter is a lesbian” when I finally came out to her. After we tell our stories. We open the discussion up to a Q & A portion; we invite the audience to ask us anything and everything.  This is always my favorite part of a panel. We get asked anything from religion, to discrimination, to how exactly do lesbians have sex, which is always fun to answer. Basically we want to let people know that it is okay to ask questions, and it is amazing when afterward people come up to us and thank us for being so brave, and for sharing our stories with them.

Another prominent LGBT group on ground is Queer and Allied Activism, while it is mainly comprised of UVA students and has faculty ties, QUAA is not directly affiliated with the University. Recently QUAA’s main focus has been adding a Queer Studies Minor to the curriculum. The University offers ample classes that could be put towards such a degree, and QUAA is actively pursuing the inclusion of this program.

I couldn’t be happier about my decision to attend the University of Virginia. I have met the greatest group of people, and through them I have learned who I am. Thankfully, I have outgrown my Zach Hanson stage, and grown into a strong lesbian woman. The liberal atmosphere here allows for some great organizations to exist, but it is the people that allow them to flourish. In the past three years here, I have fallen in love, and I have also had my heart broken, but I never lost my hope or, more importantly, my friends.