Headed to the bathhouse for the first time? Here are some things you need to know.
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You’ve heard about gay bathhouses. They get a bad rep as dirty, vile places that gross old men go to for anonymous sex. If that’s your current opinion, it’s probably best to wait. Going to a bathhouse requires a certain level of open-mindedness because the fact is that many bathhouses are filled with older gay men, and many of them do go there for anonymous sex, but that is neither gross, dirty, or vile. Bathhouses can actually be pretty fun, so if you’re curious, definitely give them a try. For your first trip, here’s a list of tips that will make it a good experience.
Lower your expectations.
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Of course, it's hard not to let your mind wander when you hear things about the bathhouse. It's easy to let fantasies run rampant as you envision what your first experience is like, but do your best to lower your expectations when you go in. It's almost like having sex for the first time -- it probably won't be perfect, but it'll be good enough for you to want to come back over and again.
Cautiously challenge your comfort zone.
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It's okay to have boundaries, and it's okay to stick to them. When you're heading into the bathhouse, stay on your guard as much as you feel comfortable with, but slowly allow yourself to release some of the inhibitions you've placed on yourself to stay open to what the experience brings.
Be confident.
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Your first time at a bathhouse can be a little intimidating. Actually, it can be a lot intimidating. The whole “picture everyone in their underwear” thing takes on a different meaning here, but that’s okay. Just be comfortable in the skin you’re in. Remember, physical contact isn’t a requirement here, even if it feels like it should be. Just relax, have a good time, and enjoy the experience.
Bring cash.
Some bathhouses are cash only, and if you’re there long enough (and engaged in strenuous physical activity), you’ll want water from the vending machine.
Watch, when you can.
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Voyeurism is a thing, and at the bathhouse, there’s plenty of people who like to be watched. If you’re feeling iffy about touching anyone, just sit back and enjoy the show, if that suits you better. Just make sure you’re not crashing their private room, and also that your eyes are actually wanted.
Bring flip-flops.
Many bathhouses won’t let you go barefoot. If your local bathhouse does, don’t. Shoes can be clunky and will probably get wet. It's a bathhouse, after all–you wouldn’t wear high-tops in a steam room. Bring your cheapest, oldest pair of beach flip-flops.
Bring a draw-string bag.
There’s a reason women carry purses. Purses are brilliant inventions, and it’s ridiculous that so many men are afraid of carrying them. Women figured it out ages ago: a small bag is the most useful thing in the world. At a bathhouse (or sex club or circuit party) this is doubly true: a small drawstring bag over your shoulders is ideal for carrying your valuables, especially if you want to opt out from getting a locker (which will likely cost extra, on top of the admittance fee). Small bags are even more useful if you’re planning to strip down to your towel or underwear (or go nude).
Pack a douche and some lube.
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I’m a bottom, so I carry my silicone lube and a douche in an Adidas bag to bathhouses, sex clubs, raves, circuit parties, and even run-of-the-mill bars where I think I might get lucky. The simple fact is that even after a thorough cleaning, you can never completely predict or control the body. What’s the point of paying to get into a sexual environment if you’ll just have to go home in the worst-case scenario? Bringing a douche means that worst case scenario is remedied by a trip to the bathroom.
Don't share drinks.
I included this in my op-ed "Going Clear: 40 Days, 40 Nights Without Grindr," but it deserves getting repeated. If someone offers you a sip of their Gatorade, it’s probably filled with G, also known as GBH, which is short for gamma-hydroxybutyrate—a club drug that is easy to overdose on and lethal when mixed with alcohol.
The most common form of G appears as a clear liquid, and you only need a few drops to feel the affects. Therefore it is impossible to determine whether or not a Gatorade bottle or water bottle has G in it, or how much. An overdose on G can make you very sick and land you in the Emergency Room. A bad overdose can land you in the morgue. The best way to avoid G is to bring (or buy) your own drink and watch over it throughout the night.
Be careful with drugs.
You know how to avoid G–it’s the easiest drug to be tricked into taking. It’s harder to be tricked into taking molly or meth. The safest practice when it comes to drugs is to not do them, but if you’re going to, you should know the risks. Molly, or MDMA, on its own is relatively harmless, but often the drug is cut with other substances that can make it dangerous. Meth is one of the most addictive substances on the planet (right up there with sugar and nicotine, which are miraculously legal), and is a particular plague for gay men. Steer clear.
Be nice.
Like you, they’re just there to have a good time. If they flirt–and if they touch and grope (it’s going to happen)–tell them you’re not interested and move on. There’s no need to be mean.
Sex isn't required.
If you’re nervous about the sex, remember that you can also indulge your voyeuristic side and just watch, or be watched. And if the bathhouse has a pool, as many do, you can swim. Many bathhouses have gyms, lounges, and "rec room" style areas where you can just chill out. Just remember that you are, in fact, at a bathhouse, so if advances are made or sex is happening just around the corner, you are where you are for a reason.
Be open.
It might not end up being your thing. But keep a spirit of adventure and don’t put down the patrons that enjoy the dwindling bathhouse scene. Bathhouses are just bathhouses, nothing more or less. They were once a staple of gay life, and now they are scarce relics of a cruise culture that is rapidly disappearing. The most written-about gay bathhouse was the infamous Everard Baths in New York, which closed in 1985.
Some say bathhouses have been replaced by hookup apps like Grindr and Scruff. Others say that today’s queer public milieu of marriage equality and family life has shifted tolerance and publicity away from the hypersexual side of gay life, stamping out venues that cater to gay sex in the process. While both claims hint at the truth, the latter is more of a politically charged publicity stunt than a true change of gay behavior. Visit the annual Black Party in New York if you think gay life has gone tame.
Don't go alone.
The first time I went to a bathhouse, I went with a buddy who knew what to do, who had my back if I got nervous, and would leave if I wanted to leave. I didn’t get nervous and eventually had a good time, but I appreciated having a friend who I could follow around and talk to while I built up my courage. Bars, clubs, and parties are always better with someone you trust—your local bathhouse is no different.
Act out a fantasy.
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What better place to do it? Maybe you want to be watched, maybe you want to join a group, or maybe maybe maybe. We’ve all got fantasies, and some people are too afraid to even think of exploring them. The bathhouse is a great place to experiment with something you’ve been wanting to try, especially with the overall energy you’ll find here.
So you wanna see him again? Here's how to make it happen!
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Are you great at landing a first date but for some reason a second date rarely follows? Don't panic. First dates really suck, but oftentimes, second dates suck even more.
Maybe the spark fizzled quickly, maybe one was more interested than the other, or maybe somebody else came along who caught their attention. There could be a million reasons, but none of them change the fact the second date won’t happen.
If you’ve found yourself going on more dates than you have time to keep up with that lead nowhere, first of all, you’re not alone. Second of all, if you’re looking to have more dates with the same guy (and maybe even make him your boyfriend), here are 15 tips that should help you out.
1. Do something neither of you have ever done
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It's likely you've at least chatted a little bit prior to meeting, so decide on something neither one of you have ever done but wanted to. This could be something as little as visiting a local museum to as big as taking a road trip the first time you meet. You really do never know.
2. Do something adventurous
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Have you ever jumped out of a plane on a first date? A death-defying experience is definitely a way to bond, and quickly. It's also a great way to do something memorable, get the blood flowing, and hopefully lead into something more serious down the line.
3. Talk about something meaningful
Do you find yourself having the same boring conversations on every first date you have? “What do you do?” “Where are you from?” “Where did you go to school?” “How long have you lived here?” If you’re talking about nothing interesting, then your date won’t think that you are interesting. Take a risk. Expose something personal about yourself that will lead to an in-depth, meaningful conversation. Ask tough questions. Discuss societal issues, politics, and your most embarrassing drinking story. Be interesting by saying something interesting. (And FYI, you know the date is screwed what you get to the point where you start asking, “What does your sister do?”)
4. Pay special attention to their interests
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Like talking about something meaningful, pay attention to their interests right away. If you have any time to talk before the first date, find out what kind of dates they like. Are they a dinner and movie type of guy, or do they prefer something more romantic and intimate? Do they like sweets or completely avoid dessert? Paying attention to little things he tells you about himself will go a long way to prove your interest and hopefully hold onto his.
5. Find common interests
When I meet someone who still reads comic books on the first date, that always guarantees a second. Sure, just because you both read comics as adults doesn’t mean that you should be together. But because it is somewhat niche, it’s something the two of you can bond over. People get excited when they share something in common with you—especially if that thing in common is deemed silly or taboo.
6. Play a bonding (not a bondage) game
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Sometimes, you just need a good icebreaker. Many of us are super nervous on first dates, so it may be beneficial to play an ice-breaking game to get the conversation going. One idea: “Ask me a question you want to know, I answer, then I share a fun fact about me that I think you should know. Then it’s your turn.” Lather, rinse, repeat. Five rounds of this should get you from appetizers all the way through desserts (side note: This game was how I landed my first boyfriend.)
7. Try to end the date on a concrete note
At the end of the date, instead of going through the usual, “We should do this again sometime!” make your intent clear that you want to see them again. I like to open myself up to rejection. I say something along the lines, “I know you’re busy with [X], but I would definitely love to see you again sometime next week if you’re free.” This gives them an “out,” which is good; they can say they’re too busy. Or, conversely, you can schedule a second date right then and there. Don’t end first dates in the gray area if you don’t have to.
8. Avoid discussing exes/things that turn you off right away
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We all have a past, we all have a dating history, and we all have things that turn us off. However, while important to discuss those things at some point with your significant other, maybe leave it off the table for the first date. Your date doesn’t want to have any internal comparisons about people you’ve dated before, whether they’re “better than” them or not. Additionally, pulling up a laundry list of things that bother you may also be a little off-putting.
9. Share your passions and be interested to learn theirs
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While we have our listening ears on, we should find out what our men are most passionate about, and also share what motivates us the most. This is a great way to break down some walls without getting too personal, and also helps you find out more about your potential partner. Who knows, sharing your passions could also help you find more common interests (see tip #2), and there’s never anything wrong with that.
10. Don’t have sex with them on the first date
ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY CALM DOWN. I usually sleep with guys on the first date, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But if you notice that you tend to sleep with guys on the first date, and afterwards, they don’t wanna see you again...then it’s time to withhold sex until you get to know the guy a little bit better.
11. Come up with better first date ideas
Every person I’ve seriously dated since I graduated from college started with a dinner date. Dinner dates clearly work for me, but they don’t work for everyone. Sometimes you need to do something more active or creative.
12. Don’t wait to text them after
If you had a good date, and you like them, text them the next day (or if you don’t think it’s too aggressive, even that night). There’s no reason to play games. You shouldn’t wait 72 hours before texting, “Hey are you free again this week?” If you like them, make that clear, and try to see them again sooner than later. If you wait, something may pop up for him, or he may already be excited about the next guy. Once the ball is rolling, you want to keep it rolling.
13. But don’t become a stage-5 clinger
I don’t think you should be playing hard to get (even though, sadly, it does work more often that it should). But at the same time, I’ve had great first dates with guys, only to receive a number of texts right away as I stepped onto the the train to head home. Then I receive a half dozen more when I'm brushing my teeth, talking about the future and our kids. Get excited about the man you’re dating. Be honest. Be forthcoming. Still, you should keep it cool. You don’t want to lay it on too thick.
14. Make sure there were actual sparks on the first date
I’m always surprised when I get asked out on a second date when the first date was so clearly mediocre. I can only speak from my own experience, but I know within the first 10 minutes of a date whether I like the guy, and if I'll want to see them again. Don’t settle for mediocrity, thinking to yourself, “Well, maybe if I got to know him more, I’d like him more.” No, definitely don’t do that. You should have a pretty strong feeling right from the get-go.
15. BE YOURSELF!
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Look, we all get in our heads on first dates. We want to make good impressions, say the right things, and do the right things. Just take a deep breath. He’s going to like you for you, and if he doesn’t, well, we’ve had plenty of practice with first dates. “He” is out there, and he will like you for who you are. The best thing you can do on a first date is be true to yourself so your potential partner knows exactly who he’s getting.
Here's the 101 on everything you need to know live your best gay life, honey
Okay, so, not everything on here is necessarily "gay," but these should all be experiences you have at least once in your gay life.
Here are 101 gay things to do you need to add to your bucket list immediately. How many have you already checked off?
1. Attend San Francisco Pride
It’s one of the biggest Pride Festivals in the world. Gotta check this one off your bucket list.
2. Go on a gay cruise
A bunch of horny dudes in swimsuits getting drunk? What could go wrong?
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3. Date someone unexpected
Everyone has a type, or a style, or a vision of who they want to be with. It’s okay to have your preferences, and it’s okay to even stick with them a little, but it’s important to venture out there at least once or twice and date someone you wouldn’t normally. You never know, it could ignite a spark that will never die!
4. Watch Queer as Folk
Yes, it’s based on the UK show of the same name, but the Showtime series broke ground and is worth a look. And those sex scenes, though!
5. Have a gay roommate
Learning to live with someone is an important rite of passage, especially if it’s another gay person (that you’re not sleeping with).
6. Host an Oscar party
Yes, the Academy may be behind the times, but that doesn’t mean your fancy soiree has to be!
7. Head to a gay rodeo
Popular in the Southwest, the Gay Rodeo shows up in most areas of the country. Save a horse and ride a cowboy, right?
8. Go on a blind date
Yes, it’s scary, and yes, it will probably end badly. But. You never know!
9. Go on an online date
Tinder, OkCupid, Grindr — pick one, pick a guy, and go on an actual date. It’s easier than it sounds.
10. Join a gay sports team
Volleyball, baseball, badminton — whatever it is, joing a gay sports team will introduce you to new friends and keep you active.
11. Watch To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar
Yes, this is the movie your friends are quoting all the time. And so should you!
12. Bring a date to the company holiday party
There’s nothing like showing off a bit of arm candy to your coworkers.
13. Do Halloween in New Orleans
New Orleans is a mecca for Halloween festivities, which means the gay scene here is frighteningly fabulous.
14. Top
Usually bottom? Switch it up and take control. The results may surprise you!
15. Bottom
Usually top? Suck it up and enjoy a little role reversal. You may like it more than you think.
16. Come out
Yeah, this one’s important. Do it when it’s right for you, but don’t go your whole life living in the closet.
17. Party in West Hollywood
Some of the most famous gay bars (and some of the hottest guys) can be found in WeHo. Hit it and hit it hard.
Photo courtesy of Miguel Angel Reyes.
18. Watch And The Band Played On
You may be surprised how little you know about the AIDS crisis of the 1980s. This movie is both enlightening and heart wrenching.
19. Introduce a significant other to your family
If the special man in your life is going to be around for a while, don’t let your family miss out on knowing him, too.
20. Attend Folsom Street Fair
This is the most famous kink festival in the country. So grab some ass-less chaps and prepare for the unexpected.
21. Learn to make the perfect cocktail
Manhattan? Martini? Whatever it is, learn how to make it, and how to make it well. Your friends (and dates) will thank you!
22. Go to a drag show
There’s a long history of drag in the gay community. Don’t miss out on the fantastic performances and sickening costumes.
23. Participate in an AIDS walk
The fight against HIV/AIDS is far from over. Raise some money and show your support.
24. See your favorite diva in concert
Lady Gaga. Britney. Cher. Whichever diva does it for you, buy a ticket and sing your little gay heart out.
25. Read Giovanni’s Room
James Baldwin’s unprecedented novel is a gay must-read. And yes, it was written in 1956.
26. Order a cosmo
If it’s good enough for Carrie Bradshaw, it’s good enough for you.
27. Go to the gym
You don’t need to become a gym rat, but staying healthy makes you feel good and helps you live longer.
28. Volunteer
From the HRC to The Trevor Project, there’s no shortage of LGBTQ charities that need help. Lend a hand.
29. Have a “guys only” weekend
Leave the boyfriends/husbands behind and enjoy a weekend with just your guy friends. Wine and cheesy gay movies are a must.
30. Have phone sex
Whether it’s with a stranger from Craigslist or your husband of 30 years, dirty talk over the phone can be loads of fun.
31. Have webcam sex
Graduate from phone sex and get on camera. Great for long distance relationships, the occasional business trip or a random Internet tryst.
32. Attend the Outfest Film Festival
Gay movies may get a bad rap, but there are wonderful films on the festival circuit that often get overlooked. Make sure to check it out.
33. Have a long-term relationship
A “forever” relationship may not be for everyone, but you learn a lot about yourself and what makes you happy when you pursue a LTR.
34. Do drag
Halloween happens once a year, so you have no excuse. Shave those legs, buy a wig and let someone else do your makeup. Yas kween!
35. Have a one-night stand
It may not be your thing, or it may be your weekend ritual, but at least you’ll never have to ask yourself “what if?”
36. Go to a sex shop
They can be as creepy or as upscale as you like. And trust us, you can ask the employees anything. Anything.
37. Buy a sex toy
If you’re in the store, you might as well make a purchase! Anal beads, dildos, nipple clamps, butt plugs — the possibilities are endless.
38. Learn a new language
It helps expand your mind, provides you with more travel options and makes you sound sexy as hell in the bedroom.
39. Kiss a girl
Hey, Katy Perry liked it, so maybe you will, too!
40. Go to a gay wedding
Sure, you kind of have to be invited, but a gay wedding needs to be experienced firsthand. Don’t forget a gift!
41. Get tested — often
Knowing your status gives you peace of mind. It also keeps you and your sexual partners safe.
42. Host a brunch
Come on, brunch is pretty gay. Stock up on champagne and OJ and invite the gang. Everyone loves brunch.
43. Go to a bathhouse
You don’t have to do anything once you’re there if you don’t want to, but the rush you get walking in for the fist time is unforgettable.
44. Buy quality lube
Yes, there is better lube out there than the bargain bin crap you usually buy. And yes, you can totally tell the difference.
45. Watch straight porn
Watch it with a friend, a partner or all by your lonesome. Find out what all the fuss is about.
46. Vote
There’s still a long way to go on the equal rights front. Don’t get complacent. Your vote counts. So do it!
47. Cut out booze
Even if it’s just for a month, see how you feel. No hangovers, more money in your wallet, and a liver that thanks you.
48. Get a quality haircut
Yes, Great Clips can get the job done, but spoil your scalp at least once and splurge on a quality salon cut. You’ll look great!
49. Send a dick pic
Send it to a Grindr hookup, your new boyfriend or your husband of years and years. A well-timed D.P. can really brighten someone’s day.
50. Go to a nude beach
There’s something both terrifying and liberating letting it all hang out. Get comfortable in your own skin and enjoy the view!
51. Play out a kinky fantasy
Don’t be afraid to get all 50 Shades of Grey up in the bedroom. Be honest with your fantasies and find someone willing to play!
52. Take yourself on a shopping spree
Don’t max out your credit cards, but there are certain wardrobe staples you need: quality shoes, quality jeans and nice luggage. Trust us.
53. Check out Minneapolis Pride
Yep, this city knows how to celebrate. It’s one of the best Pride Festivals in one of the gay-friendliest cities in the country.
54. Go to a rave
The music, the lights, the dancing, and yes, the drugs. It may not be your cup of tea, but you’ll have fun, guaranteed.
55. Buy designer
A Louis Vuitton wallet, a Prada bag — whatever it is, find something special with a label that makes you feel like a rockstar.
56. Sing at a karaoke bar
There’s at least one gay bar in every city that hosts a karaoke night. Find it, practice your favorite song and channel your inner Beyoncé.
57. Stop smoking
Your skin will look better, your lungs will last longer and you won’t smell like an ashtray.
58. Find the prostate
The male G-spot is a beautiful thing. Find yours. Then find his.
59. Learn to cook
Even if it’s just one dish, cooking will keep you from starving on those lonely single nights and may even impress a date.
60. Take PrEP
Practice safe sex, always. Condoms are a must, and now so is PrEP.
61. Visit Stonewall
Check out this pivotal New York landmark. We wouldn’t be where we are today without the brave people who rioted there.
62. Get spiritual
Religion hasn’t always been welcoming. But there’s still value in the spiritual. Yoga, meditation, church — whatever floats your boat.
63. Adopt a pet
Ok, so it’s not super gay, but pets bring so much joy to our lives. Plus, a cute dog or a cuddly cat can be a guy magnet.
64. Go for a mani/pedi
Your hands and feet will thank you. And so will everyone who has to shake your hand or see your feet in sandals.
65. See a Broadway show
There’s something magical about the theatre. Dress up, take a date and let yourself get swept away by song and dance.
66. Go to a White Party
Florida has some of the most famous White Parties in the world, but you can find them just about anywhere.
67. Visit Berlin, Germany
Home to the gay golden age of the 1920s, Berlin has a long and rich history with queer folk. You won’t want to miss it.
68. Learn your queer history
Harvey Milk. Gertrude Stein. Alan Turing. Audre Lorde. These are names you should know. There’s power in knowing how far we’ve come.
69. Buy porn
Yes, everything streams for free. But a well-produced adult film may make you think differently about those grainy amateur vids.
70. Vacation in Palm Springs
There’s a reason it’s popular with the gays. The restaurants, the clubs, the shopping, the spas — it’s all here.
71. Explore the Marais in Paris, France
Paris’ gayborhood is full of history, clubs, bars and restaurants. It makes for beautiful walking during the day and plenty of partying at night.
72. Visit the Leslie Lohman Museum of Gay and Lesbian Art
Located in New York City, this is the first dedicated LGBTQ art museum in the world.
73. Jam out at GayBiGayGay
This music festival/art event brings queer performance artists from all over, and is hosted during SXSW in Austin, Texas every year.
74. Learn to deep throat
This is a skill that will never go out of style. Breathe through your nose.
75. Role-play
Are you the naughty schoolboy in detention with the hot teacher? Or the dominating cop? Grab a costume and play it out with someone special.
76. Say “I love you” first
It’s easier when someone else says it, but there’s something empowering about being the first one to say those three magic words.
77. Befriend the L, B, T and Q
There’s more to our community than just gay men. Get out there and meet the rest of our amazing and diverse crowd. We’re in it together!
78. Go to a male strip club
Banana hammocks for days! Bring your dollar bills and get ready for some steamy lap dances.
79. Go to a female strip club
It may not be as titillating, but you can’t deny, some of these girls know how to work a pole! Get it!
80. Experience Gay Days at Disneyland
It’s “The Happiest Place on Earth,” and once a year it becomes “The Gayest Place on Earth!”
81. Get a facial
Ok, so there are two kinds, but we’re referring to the spa kind (although, you do you). Pamper yourself!
82. Go wine tasting
Whether it’s in Napa or a local winery near you, learning about wine and what you like is a must.
83. See a therapist
We could all use a little quality couch time. Family, friends, jobs — it’s nice to have an objective perspective once in a while.
84. Make straight friends
It’s good to have balance. Break up the gay and get some straight perspective every now and then.
85. Eat at Hamburger Mary’s
There are several locations throughout the U.S. There fare is fine, but it’s the clientele and people watching that keep people coming back.
86. Celebrate at Reykjavík Pride
Iceland is home to one of Europe’s longest running Pride Festivals. The country is pretty popular with the bears, too, as you can imagine.
87. Join a Gay Geeks Meetup
Gay geeks are all the rage. Use Meetup.com to find a group of like-minded gays to geek out with!
88. Read Maurice
E. M. Forster’s “unpublished” novel has all the Victorian England angst you could ask for. Definitely a gay literary standard.
89. Watch Angels in America
This HBO adaptation of the Tony Kushner play is near perfect. Keep the tissue box nearby, this one’s a tearjerker.
90. Get some sexy underwear
Andrew Christian, 2(x)ist, Ginch Gonch — pick your poison! You’ll feel sexy and your ass will look amazing.
91. Go to Burning Man
While not strictly a gay event, Burning Man is full of open-minded folks, and certainly leans on the queer side.
Puerto Rico may not be the first place you think of when you think of top LGBTQ+ vacation getaways, but it seriously should be.
The inclusive and gorgeous island is filled with rich culture, plenty of gay hot spots, and some of the nicest people you'll ever have the pleasure of meeting.
Ahead of my trip to the Caribbean, my RuPaul's Drag Race sister Jessica Wild gave me all of the tips I needed to make the most of my time on the island. However, nothing could have prepared me for all the unbelievable experiences waiting for me as I stepped foot off the airplane.
Scroll below to see all the reasons why Puerto Rico is the next destination you must visit and show your Pride.
If you're like me, then you may not know much about Puerto Rico in general, so let me break it down for you.
Puerto Rico is a United States territory, so that means traveling to the beautiful island is the same as flying to another state in the U.S.
You don't need your passport, your cell service is thriving, and you don't need to worry about different forms of currency. That already saves you a ton of headaches while visiting the island.
Plus, Puerto Rico's official languages are Spanish and English, so many people are bilingual and you won't have any difficulty navigating the territory.
When you have fan-favorite Drag Race queens like Alyssa Hunter, Jessica Wild, Vanessa "Vanjie" Mateo, Alexis Mateo, and many more all hailing from Puerto Rico... then you know this place has to be gay.
The inclusive island offers everything that a person in the LGBTQ+ community could want. You can walk down the street out and proud and nobody will even blink twice.
You'll also really feel very at home when visiting queer-owned businesses and events found throughout the island.
Drag brunch at Wicked Lilly will have you picking your jaw off the floor as you watch sickening queens perform some of the best drag you've ever seen... all next to the beach! Plus, the cocktails and delicious food items elevate the experience to another level.
If you're looking for the ultimate Puerto Rican experience while also supporting the LGBTQ+ community, then a ceramic workshop at LAU Pottery Studio is another activity to add to your itinerary. Not only will you get a special keepsake to bring home, but the studio's owner Laura Serrano proudly identifies as lesbian and will make you feel right at home.
Your eyes will not believe all of the stunning views that are found all over Puerto Rico.
From the soft sand beaches to the rain forests and spectacular mountains, you'll find yourself catching your breath throughout your entire trip.
If you're hoping to get scenic views that you won't find anywhere else, then I suggest you look into some exciting activities offered.
For example, the Mini Boats Experience with Kayaking Puerto Rico gives you the opportunity to operate your own boat and travel to private beaches to take dazzling pics, snorkel with the underwater wildlife, and even see the natural beauty in the rain forest.
Looking for the ideal place to stay? Look no further than the Condado Ocean Club. The adult-only boutique hotel is located right in between the Laguna del Condado and the Atlantic Ocean, so you'll have a guaranteed water view no matter what room you're in. Combined with an infinity pool, floor to ceiling windows, and easy access to all the must-see places in San Juan, this perfect oasis in Puerto Rico awaits you.
The biggest draw to Puerto Rico is its vibrant history and unique culture that dates back centuries. Right away, visitors should explore the astonishing architecture in San Juan.
To make your life even easier, then I recommend joining a walking tour with The Spoon Experience. As the title suggests, this tour offers people the opportunity to see and taste everything Puerto Rico has to offer. There's nothing quite like tasting the rich flavors of Puerto Rico while learning about the fascinating roots of the island.
Beyond walking, get ready to put on your dancing shoes as the locals love to dance anywhere and everywhere! If you're looking to learn more about the culture of the island and bust a move at the same time, then a Bomba Class at El Bastion is right up your alley.
If all of the above reasons haven't sold you just yet, then let this last reason be your deciding factor. You will be FED in Puerto Rico!
There's so many mouthwatering food and drinks options across the beautiful territory, but there's a few that you must try.
Furtivo Speakeasy Bar is another queer-owned spot that will bring your taste buds on a journey with signature cocktails, delicious dishes influenced by Puerto Rico's divine culture, and a cozy vibe that you'll absolutely love.
If you're looking for some of the finest cuisine with perfect views of the ocean, then look no further than Sama Bistro Playero. Award-winning chef Erika Suarez offers some of the island's best ingredients as foodies get to feel the breeze next to the beach.
Finally, Santaella is the ideal restaurant to enjoy before hitting the nightlife scene in San Juan. The quaint joint is so lively and offers an extensive food and drink menu that'll leave you full, but ready to hit the bars.
What are you waiting for? Plan out your tropical vacation getaway by learning more about Puerto Rico here.
We all know how difficult it is to date and meet the right guy, which is why when you meet someone you truly care for, you can’t let certain obstacles get in the way. Yes, of course, if the differences between you two are too large, the relationship isn’t going to work out. But oftentimes, we give up prematurely. Here are 15 common barriers that gay couples encounter, as well as ways to overcome them.
1. Only one of you wants to be in an open relationship
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Open relationships are pretty common among gay men, but that doesn't always mean that every gay man wants to be in one. This is becoming an even more common obstacle to overcome, but as always, can be settled with good communication.
2. You have fundamentally different needs
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One of you likes to kiss and cuddle and be touched all of the time, the other doesn't. One is really work-focused and intense, the other is more carefree and open to what life has in store for them. Sometimes these opposites attract, and other times, they do not.
3. You differ in level of “outness”
When you’re dating someone who’s not out to their family, friends, coworkers (or any combination of), you, yourself, become re-closeted. You become worried about what you can and can’t post to social media. You start to feel insecure. You begin living your life like you did when you were a closeted teenager. You cannot date someone who is closeted for a long period of time. You need to tell your partner this.
Coming out to his family is terrifying, but he will need to do it. They may reject him completely, but who knows? They may not. Or, they may come around to him years later.
Give him time, and give him support, but make it clear to him that coming out to his parents in the future is non-negotiable.
4. Your different backgrounds
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When you enter into an actual committed relationship as an interracial couple, there’s a huge learning curve when it comes to learning cultural differences, many of which you won’t even realize are any different until you actually go through it. This can be challenging, especially because it’s a sensitive subject all around, but it’s also a great opportunity to experience some growth from learning.
5. One of you is under the influence of outsiders
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This one is most likely familial influences, but we’ll also talk about friends in a minute. Sometimes, people talk. And sometimes, people don’t like your partner, or your sexual orientation, or a laundry list of things that are “wrong” about you and the person you love.
Sometimes, one member of the relationship is closer to their family than others, and if the family doesn’t like you, you can run into some issues.
This is another opportunity to simply open a line of communication, both with your partner and your family, to set some healthy boundaries.
6. You dislike his friends
Oh, this one is really tough. I’ve dated guys who have really catty/nasty friends, and it confuses the heck out of me. My partner will be so kind and caring, yet he surrounds himself with these mean queens whose personalities I find toxic.
When this happens, you have two options. One, do your best to deal with them and try to avoid seeing them as much as you can.
The second thing is, and I know how difficult it sounds, is talk to your partner about it. Tell him the reasons why you don’t feel comfortable around his friends. If they’re mean odds are, he knows this, and it doesn't bother him. But if it bothers you, he won't be annoyed. This way, he won’t feel hurt or rejected if you tell him you don’t want to go out with him and his friends. He’ll know it has nothing to do with him. And when he goes out with his friends, you’ll have time to spend with yours.
7. He dislikes YOUR friends
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It’s hard to tell which one is worse between the family not liking your partner or vice versa, you not liking the friends he surrounds himself with, or him not feeling it with your crew, either. It can be challenging to try and merge worlds and bring two separate lives together, and it’s not always easy to find that common ground.
If he doesn’t like your friends, it’s another opportunity to make sure boundaries are met. You limit the amount of time he has to see the ones he doesn’t like, he doesn’t give you grief for hanging out with them without him. Win-win for both of you.
8. You have different work schedules
One of you is a bartender, and the other of you has a classic 9-5. That means by the time you get home from the bar, your man is fast asleep, and by the time you get up in the morning, he’s already off to work. This just sucks. What this means is that during the weekends, or the days you both spend off, you’re going to have to really relish the time you have together.
If you’re someone who likes doing everything with your partner and being with him 24/7, this relationship won't work out. But if you’re more independent then this relationship-style might actually be ideal.
9. You’re not the most sexually compatible
Now this can mean a number of different things. One of you is into kink. The other is more vanilla. You’re both bottoms (or tops). You have a mismatched sex drive where one of you wants to have sex twice a day, and the other one is more than satisfied having sex once a week. This relationship can still work (although it will be tough)!
You may want to consider opening up your relationship. If you’re not interested in that, you need to make some compromises. Have sex (more or less). Or try topping even though it’s not your thing.
You also will have to realize that the sexual component of your relationship won’t be the most fulfilling. You both have to be okay with that.
10. There’s a large age gap
While gay men are much better than straight couples when it comes to disregarding the age gap between partners, there are still some challenges that come with dating someone who’s 15 more years older or younger than you are.
The key here is focusing less on the actual age of your partner, but rather, focusing on what stage both of you are in your lives. If both of you are still partygoers who enjoy going out drinking and dancing, then odds are, you’ll be fine. But if one of you is more of a homebody and is over that scene, it’s going to be difficult.
Similarly, if one of you is in college, and the other one is the CEO of a company, you both are at two very different stages of your life.
Focus less on age and more on where you are/what you’re doing in your life. Remember, age is just a number.
11. You have different interests
There’s nothing wrong with having different interests. Let’s say one of you is more of a geeky gamer and the other one of you is more of a nightlife, party animal. It just means that your partner will engage in those interests with his other friends, and you'll do your thing with your friends.
This is good! You want to have some social circles that don’t overlap completely.
12. You have different values
In my opinion, this tends to be dealbreaker. You can come from different backgrounds, religions, genders, sexual orientations, socio-economic statuses, and even planets, and the relationship can absolutely work out. But if you value different things (especially in this political climate), this is almost impossible to overcome.
After all, it's important to date someone who views the world the same way as you, and values the same things about humanity and relationships that you do.
13. There are financial differences
If your relationship is a sugar daddy/sugar baby dynamic, then there’s no problem. You two have both agreed on that dynamic.
But if you want to have relatively equal finances, and that’s important to you, then the one with less money should pay for the less expensive things, like when you both get coffee or see a movie. The wealthier one should pay for the more expensive dates, like plane tickets, fancy dinner, etc. This way, you both are contributing financially to the relationship, but neither of you contributing outside of your monetary means.
14. You prefer different types of relationships
If one of you wants to be in an open relationship and the other one wants to be monogamous, on the surface, this seems like a clear deal breaker. Often times, it is. But other times, it’s something that simply takes time. I know many men who were closed in their relationship in the beginning, but after a few months (or years), decided to open it up once they had a strong foundation and trusted each other completely.
So perhaps discuss being closed now, but be open to the idea of opening up your relationship further down the line.
At the same, if you know you’re a strictly monogamous or polyamorous person, then you need to stick to your guns. You cannot (and should not) date this man.
15. You’re the jealous type and he’s flirty
If you have a green-eyed monster living deep in your gut, this can become problematic. The gay community is so small that you will inevitably run into your partner’s exes. Additionally, many gay men are very flirty and touchy. We kiss on the lips to say hello. We grab butt cheeks. All that jazz.
If this is something that bothers you immensely, you need to first look inward. What are your fears? What are you insecurities? Are you worried he’ll cheat on you? Are you worried he’ll leave you for someone else? What is it about this that bothers you? It could be you don’t trust him. You know he’s cheated on past guys and don’t want him to cheat on you. Whatever the reason is, discuss it with him. Be open about your insecurities or your lack of trust, and see what you two, together, can come up with in order to make you feel more secure in your relationship.
