We don’t pick the family we’re born into. Some of us got lucky to be born into a progressive, open-minded and loving household. Some of us had no problem coming out to our family members. Some of us weren’t kicked out of the house for being queer. Some of us.
Many members of the LGBTQ+ community were born into homophobic and bigoted households. Some are the children of parents who use religion as a justification to hate instead of love—to discriminate against their own family.
Then, there are some of us who were born into families of loud and proud Trump supporters. These Holidays, Thanksgiving included, you need to put your sanity first. So if you need a break from ignorant and/or bigoted family members, it's completely understandable.
If the wounds from this past election are still too fresh and you’re still in a place of mourning, allow yourself the time you need to make it through. Wallow to your heart’s content. Don’t be the martyr and sit through a family Thanksgiving dinner with your hateful Trump-supporting family because you don’t want to start any family drama. You need to take care of yourself. God knows there will be plenty of opportunities to engage in discussions with them over the next four years, and you won’t shy away from having those tough conversations—because they need to be had—but only when you are damn well good and ready.
On that note, if you are good and ready, and currently have the emotional bandwidth to engage in critical conversation, please do it. We can’t spend the rest of our lives avoiding Trump supporters. We need to go out and change minds. We need to be activists. We need to go to rallies. We need to call our senators' offices. We need to fight. The queer community has experienced some hellish persecution in the past (the AIDS epidemic was at its height over 30 years ago), but we made it through. We persevered. Just like we will now.
But rather than spending the Holidays by yourself, unless that is truly what you need, try to surround yourself with your chosen family—your queer brothers and sisters who unconditionally support each other. Your family who makes you feel safe and welcome. Your family of loveable weirdos who don’t conform to heteronormative society. The family that you chose.
Host a Friendsgiving where you invite all your friends over to your tiny apartment and have a feast of your own! For just a few hours, forget what’s going on around you. Forget all the hate. The ignorance. The fear. Forget what may come from a Trump/Pence presidency. For just a few hours, cozy on up to the people you love.
And while it may seem tough right now, try to be thankful for what we do have.
One thing I know I’m grateful for is my chosen family. We have and will always have each other. Trump and Pence can attempt to take away our rights, and they can attempt to normalize hatred and bigotry, but they can never take away our queer friends, community, and culture.
Right now, we need each other more than ever. Spend the Holidays with the people who love you for who you are, not in spite of it. Spend the Holidays with your chosen family.
Have a happy and friend-filled Thanksgiving!
Have a happy and friend-filled Thanksgiving!
