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Is it just me, or are you also completely bored with (or irate with) society's complete acceptance that desirability is dictated by men? I mean as a woman who is attracted to some dudes, I think playful flirting is totally fine. Does a guy find me attractive? "Cool, bro," I say. "I'm married, but thanks!"
But it's when the line gets crossed from "Hey I think you're hot" to "Hey, I'm only attracted to body parts -- I don't care if they're your body parts or someone else's -- so I'm going to stare at your boobs, so I can pretend I'm jizzing on them later tonight while I'm in the den and my wife is asleep."
Even ads with scantily clad women don't bother me so much, as long as there's a point to the half-nakedness. Kate Upton's Carl's Jr. commercial? Yes, please. Any American Apparel ad? NO, please, go away.
The problem is that male desire dictates a lot -- advertisements, movies (explain why Megan Fox is in any movie), television, women's fashion, music, and behavior -- and even then, it's a narrow view of male desire. And if we as women don't like it, then we're debased as humorless, sexless, feminazis. The trappings of male desire don't stop with straight dudes, either. Gay-targeted male media is packed with the same four ripped guys with perfect hair, perfect smiles, perfect skin, and 0% body fat.
If I had a magic wand, and could rid our society of the worst things that come with our over-acceptance of male desire, here is I what would banish immediately:
Major Lazer's "Bubble Butt"
Some could make the argument that this is basically the same as Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back." I would then fight those people to the death.
"Baby Got Back" may be the classic rap cliché of karaoke bars everywhere aside from "Ice, Ice Baby" or "Gangster's Paradise," (my personal favorite). But the differentiation here, is that Sir Mix-A-Lot wrote an ode to curvy women's bodies. He thought, long and hard, about why women with curvy bodies are just as desirable as super-skinny models. The lyrics are a playful hat tip to having "much back." This was especially poignant at a time when supermodels were all the rage and white girls had not yet hopped on the round booty train (welcome aboard y'all, glad we're all here now.).
But here are some of the lyrics to this asinine (see what I did there?) "Bubble Butt" song, which enraged me when I heard it on the radio at one of my local ice cream shops:
[Hook x 2: Bruno Mars]
Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt
Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt
Bubble butt, bubble, bubble, bubble butt
Turn around, stick it out, show the world you got a
[Verse 1: 2 Chainz]
Drop it low put it in the dirt
Sex drive put it in reverse
Killed her ass put it in a hearse
Then I drove off and put it in the dirt
Drop it low put in the dirt
Take your top off turn into a vert
Bubble butt, busted in her throat
Smoking bubble kush wearing a bubble coat
And the video is out of control:
The Bachelor
I cannot watch a bunch of women plot and scheme against each other for a ring from some guy they barely know. This show is one of the most blatant examples of needing attention from men to feel validated. At least there's a counter in The Bachelorette, which I find more fake and hilarious than any sort of gender parity -- do those guys know that we can totally tell that they're only using their stint on The Bachelorette as an audition for the next season of The Bachelor?
Girls Gone Wild
I'm not even going to glorify this one with a photo of any actual gilrs who have gone wild. Instead, these girls above are my favorite messes of The Internet. GGW is the other end of the spectrum of The Bachelor, but basically the other blatant example of perpetuating the need for attention from men in order to feel special or valid. First of all, Joe Francis is a nasty fool. But there's no realness to Girls Gone Wild -- isn't that really the idea? The "real" craziness that "actually" happens on Spring Break? Half of those girls look like they've been given half a roofie while there's a $50 bill floating above the camera like a carrot on a stick.
Thongs
Why?!
Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines"
So Robin Thicke insists upon giving me buckwild sex, even when I say I don't want it. You know that's called rape, right?! And what I freaking HATE is when I hear the song in the grocery store, and it catches me off guard, and I'm dancing along to it in the cereal aisle, only to eventually remember it's this song. Screw you Robin Thicke for being so catchy about unwanted boning. Also, he apparently needs to try SO hard to be provocative by putting naked women in his music videos.
American Apparel
Look, we all know Dov Charney is pretty gross (I mean kudos for him for keeping the jobs in the U.S., but that doesn't make him an automatic saint). The guy has been involved in multiple sexual harassment lawsuits; even if they had been settled out of court, that doesn't make them automatically vanish either. But my big beef with Dov are the ads, many of which he photographs, or at least has a hand in (gross), himself. If they don't have a headless woman on them, they look like child porn. Since when were massive billboards of child porn OK? Even for women who do like women, I can't imagine I'm the only one who gets more skeeved out than turned out when I see these ads.
The Fleshlight
This device is literally pared down just to a vagina, or a butthole. Yeah, we have vibrators and strap-ons, but the Fleshlight? Just…no.
A Third of Female News Anchors
above: entertainment reporter Courtney Friel) Look, being gorgeous and a smart, qualified on-air journalist is a great double-whammy. I'm certainly not going to balk. If you can wield it, rock on with your sword of hot reporterlyness. But when I turn on (OK, click past) Fox News or many of the local news affiliates here in Los Angeles, I can't help but wonder if those producers recruit just off stage from the Miss USA bikini round. They've led me to believe that Fox News doesn't have quality viewers who are actually watching the news. They're tuning in to stare at the female anchors' boobs, so they can pretend they're jizzing on them later tonight while they're in the den and their wives are asleep. Meanwhile, I'll be pleasantly dreaming of Rachel Maddow and Tamron Hall, and their, um, journalistic integrity.
