Do you prefer to date masculine men?
The question has fueled countless conversations and thinkpieces among gay and bi men. And now a viral tweet has reignited that fire.
The clip is from YouTube channel Jubilee, a series where they ask six people from a single group questions and see how their opinions differ. For this group of gay men, they weigh in on a simple statement: "I prefer masculine men."
Three guys strongly agreed, two somewhat agreed, and only one disagreed but just "somewhat."
"Personally, I'm a really feminine, flamboyant person," said Josh who strongly agreed, "so having that same energy with another person doesn't really seem attractive to me."
Charlie chimed in as well. "I'm on this line because I want someone who is my equal. I identify as a masculine man, therefore I think the reason I strongly agree is just because I want that equality in my relationship, as a masculine man."
It's not too clear what masculine means to each person. Do they want a guy that's big and muscular? Plays sports? Heterosexual and lives in his mother's basement and only fools around with you for attention and will drop you as soon as an average looking girl named Sarah responds to his bad Tinder pick up line?
Twitter had some thoughts:
\u201c@ricktrbl @MrHippoKing And many gays wonder why they remain single and alone. I can understand preferences, but it becomes grey and white for me when we stipulate a masc/fem thing holding masc guys to high standards. The whole video is a hot trifling mess. What's sad is lots of gay men are like this.\u201d— Greg P (@Greg P) 1571716795
\u201c@ricktrbl The labeling of masculine/feminine is so... simple. Like just be yourself, and admire people for their uniqueness. Say yes to the date with the guy you never imagined for yourself, that's how I met my husband. And 6 years later I'm so thankful I kept an open mind.\u201d— Hoe-prah Winfrey (@Hoe-prah Winfrey) 1571718821
\u201c@ricktrbl People are not as masculine as they think they are\u201d— Not so sweet \ud83c\udf6d (@Not so sweet \ud83c\udf6d) 1571676885
\u201c@ricktrbl\u201d— Philip (@Philip) 1571696340
\u201c@ricktrbl Closet Queen 1: "I prefer masculine men because I can learn from them"\n\nCloset Queen 2: "I like masculine men because they are my equal"\n\nMe:\u201d— The Loa of Violence (@The Loa of Violence) 1571706665
\u201c@ricktrbl\u201d— Philip (@Philip) 1571696340
\u201c@ricktrbl Josh thinks he'll grow and learn from someone just bcs they're masc-\u201d— C1UBCUB (@C1UBCUB) 1571692906
Thankfully there's more to the video, and other guys who don't feel as strongly about loving whatever it means to be masculine chime in.
"Yes, there's a lot of innate attraction of what you like," says Ellias, the lone disagreer. "But I think there's a lot of social pressure that you don't even realize is happening subconsciously that you're trained to like. I do like masculine men as well then I was kind of taking a step back, [I asked myself] why is that? Why do I like that? Am I being kind of force-fed that?"
Bill, an older gay dad who somewhat agreed, shares that he was bullied because of his feminine ways growing up. "I was always drawn to people who were masculine. I don't know if it was because if they were feminine, that reminded me of parts of myself I didn't like. I think there was an aspect of that."
Like Bill so wisely pointed out, many gay and bisexual men desire "masculinity" because they dislike their own feminity, a part of themselves that our heteronormative society has taught us to dislike. Our dating "preferences" reflect our own internalized biases, and opening up our minds and hearts can lead us all down much happier paths, hopefully one where we don't have to worry about how masculine or feminine we - or our partners - are.
But you know what they say! You can lead a horse to water, but you can't stop them from hating themselves!
Watch the full video below:
4. Cleansing after a fightBeatriz Vera/Shutterstock
1. Cord-cutting
