Boston’s upcoming Straight Pride Parade continues to be an impressively unfunny joke. Only this time, it’s the bomb squad that isn’t laughing.

Several members of “Super Happy Fun America,” the alt-right group putting on what will undoubtedly be the dullest parade in the history of parades, received anonymous envelopes with “stuff shaking around inside” on Monday and called police, fearing the worst.

After hazmat teams arrived and investigated, it was determined the horrifying substance was…glitter.

It’s not particularly surprising that the proudly heterosexual members of Super Happy Fun America didn’t recognize the sound of glitter shimmying around in an envelope, something most gays would be able to pinpoint in a heartbeat.

In addition to glitter, the envelopes are said to have contained Bible verses. Still, the Super Happy Fun Americans who received them feel as though this was an act of “violence.”

“Even if it’s nothing in it, it’s still terrorism as far as I’m concerned because obviously it’s meant to intimidate us,” said SHFA president John Hugo.

The group insists this traumatizing delivery of glitter and religion has not deterred them from moving forward with their Straight Pride Parade. If anything, it probably feeds into their delusion that they are the “oppressed majority” in the United States, and that heterosexuals in this country need an outlet to express themselves in a way that they definitely aren’t able to openly do throughout the year.

One organizer who called the police upon receiving his envelope complained about how inconvenient this whole situation was.

“I wouldn’t wish this for anyone,” he said.