GEARL, WHAT A WEEK. All Stars 3 returned this past week and the latest episode should’ve aired on TNT, 'cause honey we know DRAMA. Each week gets harder and harder because as a fan, you want every single girl to be there and win. (Can’t they all just split the title in some Mean Girls type of ceremony??) The episode opens with Ru watching as Hall-of-Famers Alaska and Chad Michaels bring in the queens who were eliminated earlier this season, all clad in Handmaid's Tale robes. Initially there were only three of them: (Morgan, Chi Chi, and Aja) but not to be left behind, Milk and Thorgy returned to Ru’s great delight and maniacal laugh.
In the workroom, the girls are de-dragging after Aja’s elimination and Trixie reveals that she too chose Aja’s lipstick. For the 300th time in just 6 episodes, the girls have a conversation about what the elimination strategy should be going forward. Of course, no one can come to a consensus on this and Kennedy refuses to acknowledge any of the suggestions as valid. We stan a consistent queen.
During the beginning of the next challenge, the girls are prepping as they get ready to face what lies ahead. Enter Ru, and she announces that the girls will be auditioning for her new super group The Kitty Girls. They will have to make up their own Kitty personas and write lyrics for their first single, "Drag Up Your Life." She tells the ladies that they will be working with Adam Lambert in the studio. Oh and just one more thing: all the eliminated queens will be auditioning too. HONEY, THE FACE CRACK OF THE CENTURY. The door opens and in walks all the eliminated queens like they never left. The winner of the challenge will choose who to eliminate from the top five and will get to choose one girl to bring back from the eliminated queens. The twist of the century!
The remaining girls pretend to be unbothered, but they are so, so, so clearly bothered. No one wants this. (Well, I want this and that's truly all that matters.) The girls decided to have some catch up time and gather around a workroom table.
LET THE DRAMA BEGIN.
First up was Thorgy and Shangela. Shangela brings up Thorgy’s mirror message and how it was annoying, but the real gag was when she told her about how Trixie hung up the private note she wrote calling Shangie some choice words in her station. All the girls are gagged, I don’t know if it’s because of the blatant rudeness of this action or because they’re suprised that Trixie finally did something interesting in the competition. Thorgy and Shangela hash it out, but ultimately it doesn’t really resolve anything.
Next up was Milk vs. Kennedy. Kennedy was completely and rightfully unapologetic in her decision and reasoning for sending Milk home. She made it very clear to Milk why she did it and that she thought Milk was being arrogant and annoying throughout her time in the competition. Milk, somehow, was completely shocked by this criticism and even more so by the fact that everyone agreed. It’s award season, so she rolled out the tears for the consideration of the voters. She then proceeded to say that someone should have told her. Girl, this is just more ego. Everyone is not supposed to help Milk look good. Take care of that yourself. Get a mirror. A therapist. Anything but having your competitors to tell you that you’re being rude instead of taking responsibility for it yourself.
Then the most uninteresting—and combative—fight came from Morgan and BenDeLa. Morgan had a bone to pick with her lipstick being pulled by BenDeLa considering the criteria Ben set wasn’t used. She sent Morgan home because she didn’t really like her elimination strategy. Ben however said it wasn’t just that, but ultimately Morgan’s performance was unimpressive. The truth is Morgan deserved to go home. She was a mess and she was already a workroom tyrant. For the sake of the viewers and everyone else, Ben made the right choice.
Now it’s time get to work. The groups meet with Adam Lambert to record their songs. (Adam Lambert is finer than frog hairs. A man. A whole man. When did that happen? Seriously, I was unwell.) The eliminated queens are up first, and from what we saw, they were killing it. Aja’s Banjee Kitty persona was promising and Milk’s Milk Kitty rap was surprisingly good. When the top 5 queens got in to work with Adam, things were off to a rough start. BenDeLa as Goth Kitty was not landing. (She was shaken up by Morgan McMichaels, of all people, and couldn’t really seem to get it right.) Trixie and Adam were like oil and water. Trixie was resistant to suggestions and everything else that could have made her Nerdy Kitty character more relatable.
As the girls got ready, each and every one of them who fought had private one-on-ones to make up with each other before performing. Can’t take the stage with unresolved issues. Milk was still really surprised that she was unliked (a lack of self-awareness that extremely wealthy white women on Real Housewives aspire to).
On the main stage, the groups are ready to perform. The eliminated queens go first and they absolutely deliver. There were splits, death drops, fans, and ferocity. But the top 5 queens did not come to play! Trixie and BenDeLa’s characters landed so well on stage. The performance was tight and well rehearsed. Bebe’s Jungle Kitty, complete with leopard print body suit, slayed me all the way down!!! The top five queens were announced, with Bebe and BenDeLa comprising the top two.
As they untuck, the girls discuss the process and how they are gonna go about it. No one really seems sure what the right thing to do is. They meet and discuss, but this twist in the show has everyone shook. It seems pretty clear that Kennedy would the person being sent home, but who to bring back was such a personal choice.
The lip sync is to Debra Cox’s "Nobody’s Supposed To Be Here." Bebe TOTALLY threw it. She did not want that responsibility and she threw it for BenDeLa to win because Bebe is a spy planted in the competition. She took her wig off (that’s been a no-no since her season). She knew what she was doing.
Time for the elimination. BenDeLa, feeling guilty about her previous decision, decides to bring back Morgan. I don’t know why she would do this. Morgan was first to go home and now gets to reap the benefits of being potentially in the finally. It’s absurd. But the gag of the century came when it was time to announce an eliminated queen from the top five and BenDeLa chose HERSELF.
Honeyyyyyyyy, the girls were GAGGED. Aja called her #BenDeLaChrist and I nearly fell out. It was FAR too much. Ru accepts Ben’s choice and she goes home. JUSTICE FOR AJA THO!!!!!