1) I forgot to cut my fingernails
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Oh nooooo. Abrasions ahoy. Anyone else ever frantically bitten their nails to the quick in someone’s bathroom at midnight?
2) Is that the harness slipping?
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Nothing ruins the mood more than accidentally bashing someone in the clit with silicone.
3) Oh god, did my period just start?
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Or someone else's, come to that. A lot of us aren’t that bothered most of the time, but it's good to know ahead of time.
4) Is that a spider? HOLY SHIT THAT’S A SPIDER IT’S ON THE BED ARGH
I have been known to leap three feet in the air if a spider appears. You can just imagine how convenient that is in a sexual situation.
5) That reminds me, I should buy some yogurt
Once the shopping lists start, all is lost.
6) My feet are cold
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It’s not like you can stop to put socks on without causing comment, but cold feet are literally a bit of a turnoff…
7) What…is she doing?
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This is never good. Best case scenario it’s a thing that doesn’t work for you and you just need to point that out, worst case scenario you’re going to need to dial 911 any minute…
8) Oh no I left the oven on/door unlocked?
Suddenly remembering urgent jobs you need to do is an absolute mood killer, especially when they mean you might be interrupted any second.
9) Aren’t we meant to be split up?
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Funny how often this one happens. You know, you have chemistry, you’re a bit drunk/lonely/horny/bored, and before you know it everybody’s naked. Life, eh.
10) What is that smell?
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It’s really, really difficult to enjoy sex in a room where nobody’s emptied the bin for a week. Add to that body malfunctions, shared houses with questionable housemates, and it all goes a bit…eewww.
11) I should tweet about this!
If your reaction to ‘cool new thing your partner just did’ is to tweet about it…then yeah, you’re probably a millennial. Sorry 'bout that.
12) Did I remember to charge my phone?
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Even more awkward if this is somebody new and you kinda need to let your friends know you’re okay.
13) I have to get up early tomorrow
Definitely one of the more depressing things about modern life. We can only hope the sex is worth it…
14) That ceiling needs repainting
This doesn’t speak highly of your partner’s technique, certainly.
15) I definitely took the wrong girl home…
Coming home from a night out with someone you actually didn’t want to it….not a good feeling. At least you realised though. Just try and be nice about it.
16) Oh God, how much did I drink?
Being too drunk to enjoy sex is pretty grim. And not great for one’s technique…
17) What if this is the best sex I’ll ever have?
If you’re thinking that, it probably isn’t.
18) Have I fed the cat?
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Anyone else have cats whose mission in life appears to be interrupting sex with demands for food? Maybe it’s all the squeaking noises…
