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The Fosters Recap: Lesbian Bed Death and Emotional Orgasms

The Fosters Recap: Lesbian Bed Death and Emotional Orgasms

The Fosters Recap: Lesbian Bed Death and Emotional Orgasms

So...can every episode have this much sex talk and cuddling?


There was a lot of talk about lesbian sex on Monday's episode of The Fosters. It's wonderful, detailed, and beautifully above and beyond what we were hoping ABC Family might give us one day. But first, before we get to that, we have so many plot points to cover and one of them involves Mariana getting contacts, so hold on to your hats. In slightly more important news than contacts (though barely) Callie is questioned rather aggressively by the police, who want to know if she was involved in Daphne taking her daughter from the park for the day a few weeks ago. They've got the toy Callie gave to Daphne and are on a mission to make her confess. Thanks fot Robert Quinn and his lawyer, however, Callie is able to walk away as of yet unscathed. As for why she went to Robert and not her moms; she didn't want to compromise Stef's position as a police person and her guardian. Don't worry, Callie's not Team Robert. Yet. 


When Callie gets home, it turns out Daphne's already there waiting for her, only she doesn't know about the investigation yet and is only there to get help with an outfit for when she officially meets with her daughter. Specifically one that will make her unrecognizable as the woman who took her from the park. That's totally going to go well. Speaking of things that are definitely going to go well, Mat tells Brandon that the band got a gig at a "Pharm Party," where the price of admission includes taking a random pill from a large bucket of random pills. Best party idea ever, right?! (WRONG. NEVER DO THIS.) Brandon's apprehensive, but Mat insists they don't actually have to take any pills, just play the gig. Also, the band's decided to give Brandon all the money they make so he might actually be able to go on tour with them in the summer. Pharm Party it is, then!


Stef and Lena sit down to tell Mariana that, as per Mariana's request, Anna came to speak with them about the Fosters adopting her unborn baby. Mariana's thrilled and sees this as fate since Lena lost the baby she had been pregnant with earlier. Stef and Lena insist it's not that easy, but Mariana shoots back it was fairly easy for them to foster/adopt Jude and Callie, and that on top of that, this is going to be her half sister. They send Mariana away slightly placated telling her that it's a huge decision and they'll think about it. Privately, Stef does remind Lena that she really did want a baby, and Lena guiltily admits that yes, she did, but she wanted a biological child of her own like Stef has with Brandon. Stef claims to understand, but also implies that while maybe it's not what they originally planned, it may be the path they should to take.




For just a brief moment in the episode Jesus gets a plot point, but it's a big one. He's approached by a scout from an all boy's boarding school who's interested in recruited him via scholarship as a wrestler. The school is impressed by his skills and his ambition, but Jesus is apprehensive about school in general. The scout tells him that the school is designed to fit how boys learn best, through "sports" and "camaraderie," and Jesus does admit that he's nervous he'll be embarrassed when everyone gets into college but him. Well, maybe that won't happen if he transfers to a "sports" and "camaraderie"-oriented school that's designed for his own needs! Destiny? Perhaps. Actor Jake T. Austin wanting to leave the show for some reason? Who knows! The possibilities are endless.


Okay everyone, brace yourselves for this Mariana/contacts plotline. Indeed, Mariana got contacts. And she and Brandon have a rather extensive talk about it - a talk that imply these contacts may be important later. Potentially at the Pharm Party that Mariana insists on also attending. She tries to convince Brandon she'll be a great band manager by starting a Kickstarter and selling merchandise, and that she also doesn't need him to take care of her. Even though he warns her this gig is going to be a little crazy, she tells him he'll be there, or else she'll probably need to tell their moms about Brandon's dangerous intentions. Looks like Mariana's going to be pharm partying with her new contacts!


Daphne shows up for her visitation, nervous that her daughter will recognize her from the kidnapping sitatuation, but Callie quickly shuts her up and tells her they can't really talk about that ever. Things seem to kick off okay when Tasha actually arrives, however Tasha's guardian quickly shows up, furious that Daphne is around Tasha when she's sure that Daphne is the one who took her away from the park. Tasha runs to the woman, and Daphne is torn apart. The visitation does continue after the interruption, but not before Tasha's guardian tells Daphne that if she really cared about her daughter, she'd let her go. Later, Callie breaks the news of the investigation to Daphne, but is sure it's all going to be okay thanks to Robert's lawyer. But because this is The Fosters, it probably all won't be okay.


With the kids all out of the house for the evening, Lena tries to plan a date night focusing on what kind of food they can order in while Stef tries to plan around what kind of food will best facilitate sexy fun times later. Apparently, they haven't had sex in a while and Stef does not want to let any sort of flames fizzle out. "I'm sorry, but lesbian bed death is a real thing. It's real," might be the quote of the night, and only 'might' because we haven't gotten to the emotional orgasms and cute cuddling yet.  After a few drinks, they're ready to go, and Lena races her to the bed, claiming whoever's last has to top. I would just like to remind everyone that this is ABC Family and we live in a glorious time.



Unfortunately, it turns out they they had a few too many drinks for Lena to be at her all-time performance best, only she takes solace in the fact that at least Stef managed to have an orgasm. Not so, Stef said, although she claims she didn't necessarily fake it, only 'embellish' it. And hey, while she maybe didn't have a physical orgasm, she had an emotional one! They switch to cuddles and intimate chats about their relationship, and Lena talks about how she wants them to be honest with each other, even if it means feelings get a little hurt. Stef does admit that sex gets harder for everyone after 10 years in one relationship and it just isn't as new and exciting. Lena responds with what is probably the actual quote of the week, "I still get excited every time you walk through the door at night. It may not be new, but it's better." Their cuddle chats are absolutely adorable for the rest of the scene, and our faith in their relationship - emotional orgasms and everything - is as strong as ever. Basically this whole episode is a one big wonderful, beautiful Stef + Lena 4ever moment.


Oh wait, all that amazing sex and relationship strengthening advice distracted us from the deeply ill-advised Pharm Party! As the band prepares to play the warehouse full of people making bad choices, Mariana shows up but very intelligently declines a pill. However, Brandon's GF/bandmate Lou does not, much to his disappointment. The gig itself goes fine - minus Lou forgetting some words due to the random pill she ingested - but no one is safe from a Pharm Party and everything quickly goes south. Mariana gets locked in a small, fenced-off area after she goes off to adjust her contacts (See! They were integral to the plot!) but more important than her dry eyes is the girl who's passed out and kind of convulsing. Since they're locked out of the party, can't go anywhere, and it's too loud to call for help, Mariana thinks to call Callie, who quickly zips over with the help of a friend at the foster center she works at. The police and an ambulance are also called (as they damn well should have been) and the party is broken up. Brandon and the band are pissed since the band didn't end up getting paid and tell Mariana her snitchery is why she can't come with them on tour. However, Mariana's smarter than everyone in this fight and tells them she's fine with all her choices because she might have actually saved that girl's life. Despite the band's fury Brandon does end up defending Mariana when Lou tries to act like Mariana's the irresponsible one and they'd have to be babysitting her if she cam tour. It's actually Lou they'll have to be babysitting, Brandon tells her, because of her stupid choice to take the pills. That's right, band people. Mariana was right all along. Sadly, Mat can't see what a guiding light Mariana is and informs her she can't go on tour with them because he doesn't want any distractions. Oh math whiz/dance star/contact wear-er Mariana, you deserve better.


That night, Jesus is recruited by Mariana to try and convince their moms to adopt Ana's baby. They tell him they totally understand where the twins are coming from with this request, but it's a huge life choice and an expense they can't really afford right now. Jesus asks them if they might be able to afford it with one less kid to feed, and we can hear the sounds of sports and camaraderie calling to him in the distance. Much more importantly than Jesus leaving the family, however, is Callie, who informs her foster pal that while she really wants to be a part of the Adams Foster family, she feels too terrible about the Daphne situation to stay with them and honestly believes it could ruin their lives if she does. To cap off the episode, Callie walks in to the house and tells Stef and Lena she has decided to go live with Robert. And I yelled very loudly at the screen that absolutely no, no she cannot go live with Robert. Presumably no one heard me, so I guess we'll have to wait till next week to see what happened. 




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Preston Max Allen