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4 Enlightening Things We Can All Learn From Miley Cyrus' Ode to Sex with Women

4 Enlightening Things We Can All Learn From Miley Cyrus' New Ode to Lesbian Sex

4 Enlightening Things We Can All Learn From Miley Cyrus' New Ode to Lesbian Sex

It's time to talk about 'Bang Me Box.'


If you watched the VMAs last Sunday, you were faced with the real-time realization that Miley Cyrus had just dropped before our eyes an entire new album on Souncloud. That's right, surprise, there's a whopping 23-song, glitter-covered explosion of an album on Soundcloud right now called Miley Cyrus and Her Dead Petz. Even better, amongst those 23 tracks is an unapologetic, wildly descriptive lesbian sex anthem that Miley described to the New York Times as "pretty self-explanatory." And while the song - ever-so-subtly titled "Bang Me Box" - might be described as self-explanatory, we would like to take a moment to really detail how its lyrics might secretly better all of our lives in ways we never expected. First, listen to the song. Then, join us on this journey.


4.  A good way to show someone you love them is to leave your door open while you sleep naked. 

Forget 'I love you's' and buying a cutie chocolates and flowers. It's 2015, and the poetry of love is now "I'm always sleepin' naked cause you wake up and you creepin'." And of course, nothing says "love" like creepin'. But please remember, it's necessary to fully undestand the situation before any and all creepin' becuase, in our own lives, it's possible we're just sleepin' naked cause it's summertime and the A/C broke. Creep responsibly. 



3. Always make sure to stay on top of your zookeeper / tiger dynamic. 

As Miley says, "It's like you're a zookeeper setting animals free, you release me like a tiger that's been locked in a cage." Aside from the fact that that is one terrible zookeeper with an impending law suit, it's a great reminder that we should never lose sight of the crazy zookeepers / wild tigers within us all. It's easy for us to fall into a routine, but sometimes you've gotta remember to open that tiger cage, and sometimes you've got to be the tiger who puts the stress of life away and comes out to play. Thanks, Miley.



2. Be direct with your boo. A moment wasted is a moment you could have spent banging boxes.

In "Bang Me Box," the chorus is just straight up, "I want you to bang my box." Of course, Miley describes many other things she'd want to do if given the opportunity, including licking, kissing, and photography (the lyric "I can be on top or if you like it, I just lie here" is a particularly succinct directive), but we're never too far from the endgame objective. If only we could all be so candid.



1. Never lose the language of love.

Perhaps the best lyric in this song - or maybe any song ever, in the history of music - is "You finger my heart." What a marriage of sex and romance. What a modern declaration of true love. What a phrase we desperately want to find on Valentine's Day cards next year. We can only hope there's a video for this one in the near future.


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Preston Max Allen