This, sadly, seems to be the message that every mainstream story involving lesbians seems to be sending. Granted, I haven't seen The Kids Are All Right yet, but when I read that Julianne Moore's character sleeps with the sperm donor of her kids I just had to sigh...
From all accounts, it's good...really good, Oscar buzz good. And according to IndieWire, has had the the best specialty debut of 2010 in the box office. I will see it, and perhaps I'll love it -- I probably will in fact. I can still like the movie but be disappointed that it went down that particular road, as almost all of them seem to do.
I've read some reviews that say that Lisa Cholodenko (a director whose work I absolutely love) handled the affair in a non-stereotypical way, that it wasn't about a lesbian leaving her lover for a man, that the characters aren't perfect...but honesty, I am just so sick and tired of this sub-plot popping up in every project that has a significant lesbian story line in it that I just don't care. Cholodenko has stated in interviews that she isn't here to please the lesbian audiences and doesn't care about the fallout. Granted, we are not an easy lot to satisfy...furthermore, no filmmaker is bound to do anything but tell a good story (which she apparently did.)
I guess my problem is that we just seem to be reinforcing the idea that men, and thus the mainstream, just cannot possibly identify or be interested in lesbians unless it involves them sexually in some way. When we present this idea in media over and over again, it sends a message.
I’ve been reading lots of reviews and over and over it’s mentioned that the movie isn’t about Julianne Moore’s affair, it’s about family, it’s showing that gay couples are flawed just like everyone else etc. But given that every review mentions it, I can’t help but be that lesbian who points out that the focus is on that particular storyline. Sorry folks, but this justification stinks a little bit like “labels are for cans” and I just can’t stomach it anymore. In fact, my point is reinforced by the fact that I haven’t seen it yet, but I already know that it happens.
Ask anyone what the movie is about…
It’s about a lesbian family. Didn’t hear that answer.
It’s about a long-term couple in the midst of a relationship crisis. Didn’t get this one either.
This is the answer I got five times:
It’s about a lesbian couple -- one of them sleeps with the man who donated the sperm for their kids.
Ew.
Our own beloved Kathy Wolfe (founder of Wolfe video), raved that this movie is our Brokeback Mountain...and yes, while we should be thrilled that A list actors are taking on lesbian roles, I for one would really appreciate a mainstream storyline that didn't include one half of a long term lesbian partnership straying for a man. It happened first in Queer As Folk, then again on The L Word, and now this...the three projects with significant lesbian storylines that arguably have had the most mainstream appeal in the last decade.
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(continued)
I'm a 34-year-old woman who has been out for almost 15 years. Based on our mainstream media representation, the lesbian community experiences a mass exodus of dykes leaving their lovers for the almighty cock on a regular basis. I haven't seen or experienced it one time. To be clear, I'm not talking about bisexual women here, I'm talking dyed-in-the-wool lesbians. Women who identify as lesbian. I know it happens, just not nearly as much as it is represented -- that's all I'm sayin'.
The bigger issue is what it does to the minds of heterosexual men. Lesbian has become code word for waiting for the right man to show them what they're missing. I'm sorry that I have to get political around this, but it's just annoying. And it seems that we are no closer to mainstream inclusion when every mainstream project comes with the asterisk *must show lesbian joyfully fucking a man.
And by the way, how many gay boy movies EVER show this storyline in reverse? Hmmm...can't seem to think of one. It really is a man's world, isn't it?
So, in conclusion I will say this: I hope the movie continues to be a critical and box office success. I hope Cholodenko wins awards and is rewarded with more projects – she’s a great director. I just want to see a lesbian movie review that doesn’t include the phrase “Jules, one half of a lesbian couple, is instantly taken by Paul’s cool sexy demeanor.”
Next time, I challenge Hollywood to do it without the tired stereotyped plot point. Oh wait, while I’m at it, here are three other don’t do’s for this mythical lesbian Brokeback:
1. no one dies at the end
2. no rape or child abuse scenes
3. no coming out story
I’m ready Hollywood. I know it can be done.
Watch Jill's The Gloves are Off in our video player and check out the web series she executive produces with Cathy DeBuono, We Have to Stop Now.
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