It has been a long, dry spell between new Grey’s Anatomy episodes but the show returned from hiatus with a whopper of a story for our favorite adorable couple Callie (Sara Ramirez) and Arizona (Jessica Capshaw).
While part of me was convinced Callie and Arizona may have gone their separate ways for good after the last episode when Arizona admitted that having a baby with Mark (Eric Dane) was “not her dream.” And who can blame her for not wanting to share that smokin’ mama Callie with a narcissist with arrested development? But being Arizona, she just sipped her white wine, read her paper and stuck by Callie’s side because she was still hanging in there for last night’s episode.
Here’s this week’s re-cap of the gay storyline…
This is How We Do It: Ep. 7:17 SPOILERS
As it’s becoming the Grey’s norm for Arizona, Mark and hot new OB/GYN Lucy Fields (Rachael Taylor) to be gathered around Callie’s baby belly in each episode, the bisexual, her lesbian lover and a baby daddy are staring at an ultrasound when we first see them.
Dr. Fields informs the proud parents-to-be that everything looks good. “Right on track for 23 and half weeks,” she says.
“How’s His size?” papa Mark asks in an attempt to spur Dr. Fields into spilling the baby’s sex.
“Oh Mark…” Arizona says with disdain.
“It’s okay. I’m used to that trick,” Dr. Fields says smiling. “IT’s size is within the norm.”
But Mark tries in vain to convince Callie and Arizona that deep down they really want to know.
“No, no. You want to know. We prefer an element of surprise,” Arizona says. And Mark, being a bit of a baby himself, turns to mama Callie for support.
“Mark, we voted – two to one… We’re waiting,” Callie says in a rare show of not falling for Mark’s shit. And yes, if I sound like a bitter lesbian writing about Mark being in this picture, well, I am. He’s a bad friend who screwed Callie when she was emotionally fragile from a break up and he acts like a churlish wanker with Arizona – in my not-so humble opinion.
Anyway, a concerned Dr. Fields informs Callie that her blood pressure is borderline high, and asks if Callie is feeling okay.
“Oh yeah, that’s the nerves – about the baby shower,” says a giddy Callie. “It’s like Christmas morning.”
“You are way too excited about this,” Arizona says, being an uncharacteristic buzz kill.
“Hey, I have bought expensive gifts and played stupid gifts for every knocked up nurse in this place. Now it’s my turn.” Callie says. And with all of the fucking that goes on around Seattle Grace, Callie’s likely spent her own kid’s college fund on her coworkers’ baby showers.
Next, Callie asks Dr. Fields if she’ll be at the shower, but it appears a lackluster Arizona has forgotten to ask the good doc.
“Arizona…” Callie says chiding her. “You invite the OB. The fate of my vagina is in her hands.” Although, Arizona likely thought the fate of Callie’s vag was in her hands. Common mistake!
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“One p.m., fourth floor, doctors’ lounge,” Arizona says with about as much enthusiasm as a colonoscopy patient in the waiting room.
At first Dr. Fields responds with a half-hearted, “I’ll see if I can make it,” but a flash of the eye from Callie turns that right into an, “I’ll make it.”
This causes Callie to flash a wide grin.
A bit later, an unenthusiastic Arizona and an annoyingly plucky Mark are prepping for the shower when Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) and Cristina (Sandra Oh) walk in hauling a table.
Since everything is a pissing match between Mark and Arizona, they start in about the table.
“What’s that for?” Arizona asks. Mark explains it’s for a scrapbook station, complete with glitter pens.
“Oh, no, no… we’re not having a scrapbook station,” Arizona says.
“You heard Callie this morning. She wants us to go all out. Move the table,” he says motioning to Meredith and Cristina.
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But the Joan Crawford and Bette Davis of Seattle Grace are not ready to play nice and Arizona and Mark banter back and forth about whether or not Callie wants a scrapbook station. And Mark, with his irritating need to be continually right says, “You’re wrong. Yang, tell her. Torres wants all the games, onesie decorating…”
Finished with the bullshit Cristina says, “I have a patient,” while Meredith adds, “I can’t get over the fact that you know what onesie decorating is.”
“I’ve been boning up. That’s what you do for the people you love,” he says taking a dig at Arizona. Well, there’s boning up and there’s boning the people you love. It’s a little late for Mark to be figuring it out.
“Bite me Mark,” Arizona responds just in time for Callie to catch her telling Mark off. It’s as though Mark is “Gaslighting” Arizona with his jibes that Callie never hears.
“What’s going on? Are you guys fighting again?” Callie asks. When Arizona asks if Callie wants a scrapbook station her reply surely bolsters Mark’s already over-fed ego.
“Of course. It’s not a real shower if you don’t get to take home a scrapbook,” Callie says. “Ohhhhhh. We should have glitter pens,” she adds with childlike fervor, causing a smug Mark to flash an, “I told you so” smile at Arizona.
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Cut to Callie’s shower, and happily enough, the scrapbook table features a book that reads, “Callie & Arizona,” followed by shots of onesies, little baby decorated cookies and blah, blah. I’m with Arizona regarding her level of enthusiasm over the shower but she does need to step it up and play along for Callie’s sake. An ecstatic, tiara-clad Callie is hooting and hollering over her gifts while Arizona is off on the sidelines looking somewhat less thrilled in her tiara.
“Don’t feel bad. I’ve known Torres a long time. She’s a traditional girl, Catholic…you know, this whole baby out of wedlock thing with three parents. That’s a lot for her to swallow,” Mark says to a fuming Arizona. “That’s why I figured the bigger shower the better…” he goes on ad nauseum, and apparently Arizona feels the same way I do.
“Oh, shut up,” she says with exasperation. “You’re not the Callie whisperer. And I’m not a monster for finding baby showers annoying. Every woman whose ever had a pregnant friend hates them. It’s like a wedding – the bridesmaids always want to strangle the bride. It’s practically a rule,” Arizona says.
And truer words were never spoken. “The only one whose not normal here is you for acting like you’re enjoying this,” she adds just before Callie calls her up to play some sort of humiliating shower game.
“Just cuz I’m the pregnant one doesn’t mean you don’t get to play,” Callie says so charmingly that Arizona should just melt. “Come on, it’ll be fun!” a grinning Callie encourages.
“It’s what the bride wants,” Mark says grinning and handing Arizona a balloon to shove under her scrubs.
Ultimately Arizona forces a smile while waddling over to her true love with a yellow balloon up her shirt. Good girl Arizona!
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Meanwhile, Meredith, Cristina, April and Lexie are adorable decorating onesies for the baby. Cristina’s is a heart, modeled after the human heart complete with a big ole aorta, while Meredith designs an abstract mess of a onesie.
Poor Arizona can’t seem to catch a break. She and Mark are cleaning up after the shower and she’s digging through the trash for the gift list she can’t find.
“What’s your problem?” Mark demands as Arizona is rifling through the trash.
“Someone threw out the gift list, and now we don’t know who got what…and people are going to think of us as the type of people who write vague and impersonal thank you notes,” a flustered Arizona says.
Ever the Arizona contrarian Mark snipes, “I’m not sure that’s actually a type of people.”
“What’s going on?” Callie asks. But before Arizona can respond, Mark does his best Cindy Brady tattletale impression and blurts, “Arizona lost the gift list.”
“Yes Mark. I lost the list. I suck at this. Congratulations, you’re a better woman than I am,” Arizona says. And here’s where I’m wishing she would just stuff a onesie down his throat to shut him up, but alas, there is always Callie to consider.
“It’s okay…it’s not a big deal,” Callie says. “Mark, can you give us a minute?” And for a minute I get that feeling of dread, like being called to the principal’s office but Callie has good news for Arizona.
Arizona spins on her Crocs or clogs or whatever docs are wearing these days to flash a, “get the fuck out of my face” look at Mark.
Being the petulant child that he really can’t help from being lately he says, “She lost the gift list. Not me…”
“Mark!” Callie admonishes as he skulks away.
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Once the not-always-so-happy couple is alone Callie tells Arizona there’s one more gift left to open, offering an envelope to Arizona.
“I didn’t get you anything,” Arizona says.
“You got me a shower…” Callie says. Cue the sound of “aws” from happy lesbians glad to see the docs are loving on each other rather than fighting.
“It’s a B&B a few hours away. We leave in the morning,” Callie says, flashing that wide Sara Ramirez grin.
Arizona, ever pragmatic, says, “I have patients. You have patients…”
“Look, I’m extending an olive branch here because I know how annoying I must be to your right now,” Callie says. “Ever since I was four and I got the doll that craps it pants for Christmas I’ve wanted a kid, because other than cracking bones, this baby’s my dream. And I get to be insanely, out of my mind happy for my dream.”
And, acknowledging that it’s her dream and not necessarily Arizona’s, as Dr. Robbins pretty much said in the last episode, Callie adds, “I’m not discounting your need to vomit over my insanity, so let me take you to a stupid B&B for the weekend.” Not even Arizona can resist that speech from Calliope.
She leans in kisses Callie, and all seems right in our little lesbian world. Or is it? The camera pulls back revealing a onesie that reads, “I heart my mommies,” and while the sentiment is lovely there’s something foreboding in the air – especially for those who’ve seen the previews for next week heartrending musical episode.
It’s the next day and Seattle Grace’s cutest lovebirds are driving along a mountainous road when Callie gets a text.
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“We’ve been gone all of 10 minutes. What could Mark possibly want?” Arizona asks with a forced smile, not even having to ask who sent the text.
“Oh, this is bad. He found out Lexie’s with Avery. He’s freaking…” Callie says as if Arizona gives a flying fuck.
Fed up, Arizona pulls the phone out of Callie’s hands mid-text and tosses it in the back seat.
“This is time for us. It’s just for us. And the first thing you wanna do is talk to Mark,” Arizona says. But Callie is stubborn and she’ll get on the horn with Mark just to prove a point if she has to. She unbuckles her seatbelt and turns back to pick up the phone.
“This is jealousy Arizona. You’re jealous of Mark. Get over it,” Callie demands. But if Mark weren’t such a freaking baby / man-child around Arizona, she might not have such a problem with him… Just a thought. But Arizona doesn’t refute the jealousy accusation.
“Do you blame me? I mean, he gets most of you – the straight you, the Catholic you, the girl who loves baby showers…I just get the gay you, which is really only about 20 minutes a night. Not even, since you just feel too fat to even let me touch you lately.”
Now it looks like the shit is really going to hit the fan! Callie goes on a rant about how she’s trying to make Arizona, Mark and the baby happy, adding, “I don’t know what else I can do to be honest. Please tell me because I’ll do it. Whatever will make you happy, I will do it!”
I’d just like to take a moment to reflect that the last time I saw Jessica Capshaw in a car with another woman she was in the passenger’s seat seducing Jennifer Beals’ Bette Porter, and I kind of wish that roadside sex is where this narrative were headed.
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Taking a moment to think about what would make her happy Arizona finally turns to Callie and says, “Marry me.” Callie laughs and tosses it off at first but Arizona is serious.
“I mean it. I love you more than…anything. I want more. I want commitments. I want rings. So, marry me,” Arizona says turning to Callie. And well, we can see where this is going and the question is WHY Shonda Rhimes? Why are you taking your viewers down this road???
Before Callie answers, Arizona and Callie face forward with looks of fear. The screen fades to white and there’s the devastating sound of breaking glass and twisted metal.
Now, for those of you haven’t seen the teaser for next week’s musical episode, it’s posted below and it looks like four-hanky TV viewing, the likes of which have not been seen since ER’s Kerry Weaver lost her hot firefighter girlfriend to the job and then a subsequent custody battle for their baby ensued.
Here’s the thing though. And I’m going to spoil the teaser for a second. Callie is severely injured in the accident and Sara Ramirez spends most of the episode outside Callie’s body singing her beautiful head off. It doesn’t appear that Sara is leaving the show as there hasn’t been a peep about it in the blogosphere or the tabs, and something always leaks. It’s safe to assume that Callie will survive, however, she has almost certainly lost the baby.
Either her accident will bring her and Arizona closer together, although a near fatal accident in the middle of a marriage proposal doesn’t bode well for the future, or Callie will pull away and try to fulfill her dream of having a baby the good ole fashioned way with a man in the picture from start to finish and not as a third wheel to a lesbian relationship.
While we’re sending out good lesbo vibes to Shonda and the writing staff at Grey’s we will just have to wait until next week to see how this borderline abusive storyline – for Callie and Arizona fans – plays out.
Screengrabs by Boo!
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