If I’d had any expectations at all for Drive Angry 3D, I would have been sorely disappointed. Luckily, the only expectation I had was that Amber Heard be awesome, and, as per usual, she pulled through. As far as the rest of the film...well, it’s probably safer to only concentrate on Amber’s bad-assery, but before I get to that, there are some very specific feelings on Nicolas Cage I need to get out of my system.
I was always under some sort of impression Nicolas Cage could act. After all, he’s in so many movies and some of them are supposed to be good, so it seemed natural for me to assume he had some sort of penchant for his craft. So can someone please explain to me why- why?!?!- I have been to elementary Thanksgiving pageants in which the actors projected more realism. Oh Nicolas Cage, get ye back to acting school or as far from cinema as possible. But I digress.
In a nutshell, Drive Angry is about Milton (Nic Cage), a man who burst out of Hell to find a cult leader played by Billy Burke (who is actually convincingly creepy), who murdered Milton’s daughter and took his grandchild to be a sacrifice in a cult ritual. Thankfully for Milton (but mostly for the viewers) he doesn’t have to do this alone. Along the way--and about 5 minutes into the movie-- he runs into Piper (Amber Heard), a waitress who’s fed up with her humdrum life and skeezebag fiance.
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Together, they fight off scary satanic cult member after scary satanic cult member while also avoiding “The Accountant” (William Fichtner), who, from what I gathered, is Satan’s henchman on a quest to put Milton back in his rightful hellish place. Minor spoiler alert: did I mention Milton can’t die? Yep. That’s right. You’re watching a movie about people trying to kill a man who can’t die. The stakes are high with this one.
Don’t get me wrong, Drive Angry does have some pretty rad moments. The stunts are more than decent and the 3D, which isn’t exactly awesome enough to be in the title, does enhance the experience. Oh, who am I kidding? Without Amber Heard, this movie would’ve had me asleep in minutes. Amber’s role isn’t particularly profound, but she takes it and runs with it, turning what could be simple eye candy into a spunky ass-kicker who is not to be messed with. Oh, and she’s really pretty. Really, really pretty.
Now, you may not know who Amber Heard is, but never fear- I’ve got you covered. Amber recently made entertainment headlines after officially coming out with her girlfriend, photographer Tasya van Ree at the GLAAD 25th anniversary celebration in Hollywood. She’s truly an inspiration to both the LGBT and entertainment community and many could take a lesson from her words of love, equality, and self-acceptance. Check out her red carpet interview at the GLAAD awards to get a firsthand glimpse of just how awesome Amber really is-- you won’t be disappointed.
So, now that you’re convinced Amber Heard is an actress you absolutely need on your radar, you’ll need to catch up on some of her earlier works. You’ve probably seen her in such mainstream fair as Pineapple Express and Zombieland, where she plays respectively Seth Rogen’s high school girlfriend and Jessie Eisenberg’s zombie neighbor 406. You probably haven’t seen her - but you should - in ExTerimators, a dark comedy about women scorned who start an interesting side business, or And Soon the Darkness, your typical thriller about girls who go missing on vacation. I, however, have seen And Soon the Darkness, which will not be winning any Academy Awards any time soon, five times. That’s Amber Heard dedication for you, right there. Luckily for us moviegoers, the quality of Amber-Cinema only seems to be improving in the future, with Amber playing the female lead opposite Johnny Depp in The Rum Diary, as well as the lead in the NBC program Playboy, about the titular company’s birth in the 60s. So head on over to IMDB and check out the your soon-to-be new favorite actress Amber Heard.
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