Let's address the elephant in the room
There are plenty of myths and misconceptions when it comes to asexuality. Most people think that aces -- a shorthand for those who fall under the asexual umbrella -- just "haven't found the right person" among a plethora of other incorrect assumptions.
As people become more open about their sexuality and more willing to simply accept themselves for who they are, the asexual community is starting to get more of the highlight it deserves.
If you're unsure what asexuality really is or if you're wondering if you might be asexual yourself, here are ten myths about asexuality and the actual truths behind them.
1. Asexual people do not have a sexuality
Seeing as how asexuality itself is considered a sexuality, this is inherently false. It’s more so that an asexual person’s sexuality isn’t oriented anywhere, because it’s not the same thing as having no sexuality or sexual feelings. Asexual people have just as many hormones as anybody else, and it isn’t uncommon for them to engage in sexual acts like masturbation or even with another partner. It could also be that they’re only romantically attracted to someone as opposed to physically, but we’ll get there in a minute.
2. Asexual people do not partake in sexual activities
Many people think that aces never have sex with anyone and also don’t have any sex drive. As mentioned in the previous point, this is nothing but false. According to the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network, aces have plenty of varying attitudes when it comes to sex, both culturally and in personal relationships. While some aces have more conservative attitudes toward sex, they’re more open to compromise within a relationship. There are also those who fall into a “gray area,” known as “graysexuality,” where an individual feels mostly asexual, but not entirely.
3. Asexuality is a psychological and mental disorder
This is among the more offensive myths on the list, and it’s also unfortunately one that everyone else in the LGBTQIA+ community has to suffer through, as well. Those who classify as asexual were once diagnosed with hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), which is noted as a recurring absence of sexual fantasies or desires for sex. In reality, being an ace is neither a disorder nor a comorbidity, but rather a unique sexual orientation.
4. Asexual people don't experience any type of attraction
Aces are human beings, just like anyone else. Although there are some asexuals who identify with paraphilia — or having abnormal sexual desires that typically involve extreme or dangerous activities — most aces simply don’t experience any type of sexual attraction. That doesn't mean they don't experience any attraction at all. Attraction goes much deeper than just physical or sexual, and can also involve a simple platonic or sensual attraction that has absolutely nothing to do with sex.
5. Asexual people don't have relationships or seek romance
Not everybody is interested in relationships, whether asexual or not. That said, there are plenty of asexual individuals who are interested in romance, and some who even want to get married. If they are interested in relationships, they may seek the same types of relationships as everyone else — one with the opposite gender (heteroromantic), one with the same gender (homoromantic), one with multiple genders (biromantic), or one with someone regardless of their gender (panromantic.) In general, most aces fall under the aromantic category, meaning they don’t feel a romantic attraction to anybody.
6. Asexuality is the result of experiencing sexual trauma
Plenty of people think asexuality occurs after someone has been abused or suffered another traumatic experience. While this is true of some, assuming someone is asexual simply because of a negative experience is othering them. Plus, asexuality covers attraction or lack thereof. It has nothing to do with why someone feels a certain way.
7. There are hardly any asexual people
A lack of visibility and representation within the asexual community does not mean that there aren’t any aces out there. Many of them just haven’t come out due to societal pressures, and others haven’t realized there’s actually a word for what they’re experiencing. It is estimated that around 1% of the population is actually asexual. This is also based on studies where the participants might not have known what asexuality actually was. That said, 1% still covers tens of millions of people, meaning there are certainly plenty of aces out there.
8. Asexuality is a trend
Let’s just get this out of the way before we go any further: Asexuality is not a trend. Sexuality has varied and changed throughout time with the human race, and although we have labels for everything these days, it wasn’t always like that. People have identified as asexual since the dawn of time without ever having a word for it, and the ostracization from society has largely kept them quiet. Now that people are feeling more comfortable stepping forward, it’s simply them owning who they are and honoring their feelings instead of forcing themselves to stay quiet.
9. Asexuality is a new sexual orientation
Although it’s basically impossible to pinpoint when asexuality started, it is definitely not a novel idea on the sexuality spectrum. Experts as early as the 1800s wrote about having a lack of sexual desire, but used terms like “sexual anesthesia” instead of asexuality. Assuming asexuality is a “new thing” (or a trend, but we’ve already talked about that) discredits and alienates the older population of aces. It puts the focus on the younger generations and perpetuates the myth that aces are immature or still discovering their sexuality.
10. Asexual people can't have families
A quick recap of basically everything we’ve learned so far before this final point: Aces may not experience sexual attraction, and some aces fit into a “graysexual” area every so often. There are also those who experience romantic interest without it being sexual. Thus, there are plenty of aces out there who want to have a family. Not wanting kids just because you’re not overtly interested in sex is a misconception. Adoption is always an option, and aces are just as deserving at having a family as anybody else if they want to.
