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Loose 'Rules' for Finding a Date Online

Loose 'Rules' for Finding a Date Online

Lesbian sex guru and writer Diana Cage offers advice on finding a date online. 'How on earth did any one ever meet anyone before the internet? With online dating sites, social networking sites and the millions of ways we interact online everyday it’s no wonder hooking up online is so easy. In fact, the main disadvantage to cruising for tricks online is that the amount of people looking for love in the internets it can be a little overwhelming. You’ll need a few ways to narrow down your search. Going with an online matchmaking site or something as simple as Craigslist is a good place to start.'

How on earth did anyone ever meet anyone before the internet? With online dating sites, social networking sites and the millions of ways we interact online everyday it’s no wonder hooking up online is so easy. In fact, the main disadvantage to cruising for tricks online is that the amount of people looking for love in the internets it can be a little overwhelming. You’ll need a few ways to narrow down your search. Going with an online matchmaking site or something as simple as Craigslist is a good place to start. Writing a good ad and carefully stating what you are looking for will make it a little easier.

How to write an online personal
Read through some of the ads to give yourself an idea of what’s out there and what people are looking for. One of the weirdest things about online ads is that because people can put up anything they want, the standards are often rather low. Don’t be one of those low standards people. Before you get started, make yourself an ideal partner checklist and refer to it while you are conjuring up an ad. Think of your ad like a cover letter. It should be brief and to the point and give the reader a good idea of who you are and what you want. And by all means, spell check before you put it up.

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Who are you?
Describe some of your likes and dislikes. Talk a bit about your interests. If you love film, mention some directors that you like. If you are a music snob, name-drop a bunch of hipster indie rock bands. If you like to read, talk about some novels that you love. Be clever, don’t be afraid to let your personality show. Describe your relationship status and what you are looking for. If you are already in a couple mention that upfront. If you want people to send pictures, make that clear as well.  State in your ad that you plan on only answering responses that interest you. And don’t feel like you need to answer every response you get. There are a lot of people out there and you don’t want your internet search to turn into a part-time job, even if you are doing all this while you are at work.

What next?
Looking for a lover or lovers can mean opening yourself up to all sorts of new people. While this is lots of fun, it’s also important to understand what your own behavior rules are and to learn to judge appropriate behavior in other people. Inviting someone with bad dating behavior into your love life can make things messy. If you’ve had a successful date or two with someone, the next step is to figure out where you want to take it and what you want with that person. Getting a really clear picture of your comfort zone is a big step in having an emotionally healthy and gratifying dating life. It’s a good idea to start out with some introspection.

Questions to ask yourself:
1. Am I looking for a lover because I want to?
2. Am I attracted to this person that wants to have sex with me?
3. Am I being clear about what I want?
4. Am I giving more than I am getting?
5. Does this person treat me with respect?
6. Does this person have respect for his or her self?
7. Does this person want more from me than I really want to give?
8. Is this person being clear about his or her expectations?
9. Is this person getting too close too soon?

Rejection happens, get over it
Sometimes you get turned down. It’s OK. It’s nothing to feel weird about. With all this looking around going on, you will occasionally find yourself attracted to someone who isn’t interested. Or maybe the opposite will happen and someone you aren’t interested in will approach you. A simple “No, thank you.” Is the best way to respond. Keep in mind that a rude rejection reflects poorly on the person doing the rejecting, not the person being rejected. Bad manners are terribly unsexy.

 

Read more of Diana's musings here.

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Diana Cage