25 things every gay/bi man should be doing in his twenties

Take care of yourselves!

You’re not a teenager anymore—you’re a man in your freakin' 20s! Some of you are even pushing 30 (30! Remember when that used to sound ancient?). So the things you got away with when you came out as a little gay boy in your teens won’t fly anymore. You have to adult at life. (Or fake being an adult. That’s what I do!)

Alas, as annoying as growing up can be, here are 25 things every gay/bi man should be doing in his twenties in order to be a full-fledged, grown-ass, queer man by the time the decade is over.

1. Cleaning your sheets every two weeks (if not more)

It’s no longer college. It’s not acceptable to sleep in your own (and others') bodily fluids. You are a man. Men are smelly (even with all the various products you buy to curb your body odor). You need to clean those sheets OFTEN. And if you’re sleeping with men a lot, then you definitely need to be washing those sheets (at least before the next Grindr trick comes over).

2. Lotioning

You should lotion your body every time you get out of the shower. It helps with acne and delays wrinkles. Oh! And sunscreen. OMG. Seriously, you really need to be putting on sunscreen. The sun is the worst for your skin. It’s already too late for me. I’m 26 and look like I’m 38, but it isn’t too late for you. Your future self will appreciate it!

3. Having safe sex

In my teens (and early twenties) I wasn’t safe sexually. I didn’t use condoms. I wasn’t on PrEP. (This was partly because I wasn’t fully out yet and had to be hammered to sleep with men.) I’m truly lucky I didn’t contract any STIs during this period. Now, as an adult, I’m on PrEP, and I take care of my health by getting tested every three months. You’re an adult now too. Part of being an adult is being mindful of your sexual (and emotional) health.

4. Considering being on (or simply on) PrEP

Life happens, and realistically, it’s tough to be safe every single time. That’s why there’s PrEP. Risks are minimal and you can put your mind at peace. PrEP is 99% efficacious. It really, really works. And while it’s expensive if you don’t have insurance, there are various ways to get on PrEP for free, including the Gilead copay program. (You can check out how to get on it, here.)

5. Calling guys

Have the confidence and charisma to call instead of text when you’re really interested in someone. If you’re in your twenties now, that means you’re part of the millennial generation. We millennials love to text. That’s what like 99% of guys do. So if you’re in the 1% of guys who actually calls, that boy you’re calling is going to be impressed!

6. Know your products

Shaving, conditioning, shampooing, and hair gels. Make sure you know what you are putting on and into your body. Know that more expensive products don’t mean they’re any better in quality. Oh, and Kiehl’s isn’t the only company that exists for quality skincare…

7. Manscape

Take care of yourself both up and down there. Cleanliness is next to godliness. If you’re not someone who likes trimming, shaving, or waxing their pubes, that’s obviously fine too. Just make sure you wash thoroughly, otherwise it’ll be hella pungent.

8. Confronting drama head on

No lies, underhanded manipulations, or passive aggression. If there’s a problem, don’t be catty. Be direct. Be forward. Be honest. Your life isn’t Mean Girls. And know that being shady and reading somebody isn’t actually a healthy way to deal with drama. In fact, it’s like the worst thing you can do.

9. Voting

Do you see the time that we’re living in? Now more than ever, it is really freakin’ crucial to vote. Not just for the next president, but for your local congressmen, state senators, and every other politician to hold office. We cannot resist unless we make our voices heard, and one of the best ways to make our voices heard is through our votes.

10. Know how to cook

Even if you hate cooking, you should know how to cook at least a couple of nice dishes—just in case. And you should know how to cook simple, healthy dishes for yourself when you’re feeling lazy. This is literally why the Internet was created. See what happens when you type in “simple healthy recipes” into Google.

11. Go a week without using any hook up apps

Just to make sure you can. Those things can get VERY addicting. I love hook up apps (arguably a little too much). But sometimes, they can be time-suckers. You hop on Grindr with the intent of being on it for a few minutes. Before you know it, it’s 2 o'clock in the morning, and you’ve been wasting time mindlessly chatting to headless torsos for three hours. That’s why it’s good to recalibrate yourself (and to make sure you’re not addicted) by going without any hook up apps for at least a week. Ideally a month.  

12. Exercising

Biking, lifting weights, yoga, something every single day. You’re not working out simply for aesthetics (although God knows that’s a large part of it). Exercising is the cheapest and best way to ward of depression and anxiety. It’s also a great way to meet guys in real life. I swear to God, at least half of the guys at every single gym in the world are gay. (Or at least they do some pretty gay shit the moment they step into the sauna...)

13. Stretching

On top of whatever exercise you do, make sure you stretch to avoid [insert literally any body part here] problems when you get older. At 26, my doctor yells at me for being too tight. (Yes, like that too, but he means my hamstrings.) He thinks my tight hammies and quads are contributing to my neck and back problems.

14. Wearing clothing that fits well

You’re a grown man. Frumpy clothing that fits poorly is no longer acceptable. Make sure you have things that fit you well. Also, make sure that what you’re wearing suits you. You want to feel not only comfortable, but confident in the clothing you wear.

15. Know/voice what you want sexually

Bad sex was fine when you were in your teens, even in your early twenties, but as you start hitting late twenties, it’s just not fun. Know what you want sexually and feel comfortable voicing it. Do not settle for mediocre sex, and absolutely stop it with pity sex. Just because you were messaging a guy on Grindr, and he came over to your place to have sex, that doesn’t mean you have to go through with it. If you see him and he doesn’t look like his pictures or you’re not feeling it for any other reason, tell him you gotta go. You’re a grown ass man. You don’t sleep with guys out of pity anymore.

16. Not afraid to talk to guys

When you were 19, it was kind of cute how you were afraid to talk to guys when you went out. It was almost endearing. It’s not any more. Don’t be afraid to speak to guys. Don’t fear rejection. You’ll live. And the only way you get over rejection is how...? Yup, getting rejected. It gets easier, trust me.

17. Reading

Memoirs, magazines, newspapers, literary fiction, PRIDE.com…literally anything. You want to stay relevant and knowledgeable of what's going on in the world for all those fancy adult dinner parties and weddings you’ll be attending soon. (Also, with what’s going on in politics today, it’s really important that you stay up-to-date with whatever bullshit Trump is up to.)

18. (Re)connecting with your family

Often when you head to college, leaving the nest, you distance yourself from your family. After 18 years of being under your parents’ roof, you probably want nothing more to do with them. But after you’ve spent enough time away, you can come back and rekindle your relationship with them. Additionally, by now they’ve had some time to hopefully become more accepting of the fact that you’re gay/bisexual. (If they haven’t gotten over it, then screw ‘em. Just hang out with your chosen family and gay crew!)

19. Drinking responsibly

College is over. Puking weekly isn’t fun for you or your friends. You could get away with being somewhat of an alcoholic in college. That’s part of the culture at many schools. But if you’re in your twenties and still drinking the way you did when you were 18, then you likely have a problem. Additionally, hangovers only get worse as you get older.

20. No longer body shaming yourself and others

There will always be those gay men who look like Adonis. And God bless them. Boy, are they fun to look at (and even more fun to touch). Still, no one quite understands how they have the time and money to look like that. Don’t compare yourselves to them. Be healthy and content in your own skin. I’m not saying this is an easy feat, and you’re not going to love your body overnight, but at least put in the effort now to be more confident with the body you have.

21. Learning your worth

As soon as you turn 20, your teenage years are completely behind you. Twenty itself is a little awkward as you keep your eyes set on 21, but you suddenly feel older and more like an actual adult. The early- to mid-twenties especially can be tough, because you go through a period of really learning who you are and what value you bring to the earth. Don’t ignore or run from this process, it will help you grow.

22. Dating someone (or multiple people)

Even if you’ve done it before, dating in your 20s isn’t like dating in your teens. You may still be with the same person from your teenage years, but that statistically isn’t going to last very long. Your 20s should certainly be a time for freedom, but you should explore at least one relationship during this time.

23. Doing something adventurous

I mean, I sold all of my belongings and dropped everything to spend a year in New Zealand. Then did a trek around America. Wouldn’t change either for the world. Doing something adventurous doesn’t have to be something wildly crazy, just whatever it means to you to bring some more excitement into your life.

24. Going somewhere new

In line with the above, challenge yourself to go somewhere new, and maybe even often. This doesn't have to be some exotic and far away adventure. It could be as small as a town or city within your state or region that you've wanted to visit, but haven't. You never know what you're going to find out there, so let yourself explore.

25. Leaning into your talents

You're only young once, and before you know it, you'll blink and be in your 40s. (Okay, I'm still not there yet, but I'm definitely closer to 40 than to 20, and it still hurts sometimes.) Your 20s are the time to make mistakes, figure out who you are, and run with what makes you great. Lean into that, hone in on whatever talents you have, and go take the world by storm.