8 Practical Tips for Surviving the Holidays With Your Family

Why merely survive this holiday season, when you can thrive, being your best, queerest self that you can be?

The holidays can be a stressful time, especially for LGBTQ folks. Perhaps some folks in the family are homophobic, or your alcoholic aunt Cheryl likes to get drunk and ramble on about how great Trump is for America? Maybe every member of the extended family doesn’t know about your sexual identity, so you feel closeted when returning home for the holidays?

For a number of reasons, the holiday season can be particularly stressful for queers, but here are some practical tips to help you get through the holidays.

1. Never feel obligated to talk about anything you don’t want to

Family members like to think, because they’re family, that they can ask you anything they damn well please. If you’re close with them, sure. But if that’s not the type of relationship you have with them, you can definitely reply, "Oh, no. No, no, no. I’m not answering that, but thank you."

2. “So are you dating anyone?”

I always reply "everyone," because that will shut them up. That’s not what they wanted to hear. They wanted to here I’m monogamous and am getting married soon. The moment you say something like this, your family will immediately imagine you getting pounded by 50 guys and will no longer want to have the conversation. So while you may not want to say what I typically say, I would have a planned response that will immediately make them not want to continue the conversation.

3. Text your BFF throughout to vent

While it may be rude to text at the Thanksgiving table, it’s even ruder to say something homophobic or insensitive. So screw manners at this point; you’re just trying to get through this shit. Text your friend whenever the hell you need to.

4. Hook up with someone

Feeling smothered by the family and aren’t able to embrace your gayness? Sneak off and hook up with someone in the back of your car. (Grindr is LIT in my hometown during the Holidays. Every gay boy out there is looking for an escape from the fam for a hot sec.)

5. Rely on your siblings (they're the best!)

Okay, I happen to have a really good relationship with my brothers. If you don’t, ignore this one. But use them. Have them run interference if the rest of the family starts to become a little too much.

6. Get tipsy

While I’m not trying to support or condone alcoholism or cannabis use, like, do what you need to do to get through. Everything, for me, seems a lot funnier and less ridiculous the moment I have a few eggnogs in my system.

7. Excuse yourself

I feel like there’s this notion that if there’s a problem or someone says something that upsets you, you have to sit there. No, absolutely not. You're at home, right? Go to your childhood room. Say you’re tired. Yes, sure, maybe something good will come from saying something. If so, feel free to speak your mind. But you know your family. You know how stubborn they can be. Just excuse yourself. Say you’re feeling tired and need to lie down.

8. Go out with friends in the evening

During the day, you spend time with the family, but the nighttime is your time do what you damn well please. You don’t have to spend every waking minute with your family. Go out and see some old friends who are in town. Reconnect.