Identities
Your False Narratives About Lesbian Friendships Aren’t Just Tired, They’re Harmful
Your False Narratives About Lesbian Friendships Aren’t Just Tired, They’re Harmful
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There have been so many false narratives about queer women told that over time they have gotten so built up and solidified as truth. The one that I really hate is that nearly every lesbian friendship started as a stalled flirtation. It pushes two things out into the hetero universe of straight girls, that every lesbian wants to have sex with them (very incorrect) and that lesbians have the inability to form meaningful friendships (also incorrect.) It’s tired and also perpetuates some pretty ridiculous myths about queer women.
Let's just be clear: not every lesbian secretly dreams of fucking every straight girl they meet and turning them out. That's like saying every person who has a guitar secretly wants to be so popular they are on your Spotify wrapped. Queer women are just like any other people; they're attracted to who they're attracted to, and that doesn't mean every person they meet is automatically on their romantic radar.
I think this is something perpetuated by straight women who use our queer spaces for their amusement, meaning queer parties and bars. I’ve seen many a situation where a queer person at said space approaches someone who they assume is also queer — because this is a dyke night, party, or event — only for the person to be straight and have a rude reaction even after the person who approached is apologetic. They then take that experience into straight spaces where the story is turned into a narrative on how lesbians just can’t control themselves around them, instead of the true misunderstanding it was. This makes many lesbians, dykes, or queer folks — specifically those who are Black and more masc presenting — seem predatory, which is not just false, but wholly unfair.
That then lends itself to another — the idea that queer women are somehow incapable of forming meaningful friendships without a sexual or romantic component, and that is just … a weird take. It's essential to understand that forming friendships within the LGBTQ+ community, just like anywhere else, involves shared interests, experiences, and personalities. It's about connecting on a personal level, not just trying to turn every interaction into a queer love story.
Friendships aren't some consolation prize for romance — they're a vital part of queer life. Dyke friendships are not backup plans or are there to fill the romantic or sexual void some may have. For decades, they have been the place where queer folks have found solidarity, support, and understanding. They're the truest of safe spaces where we can be our actual authentic selves. So when I consistently hear — even from within the queer community — that friendships between queer women are just the result of a failed romance, it’s infuriating.
These stereotypes don't just affect queer women; they are harmful to everyone and make queer folks feel even more unsafe in certain settings than they already do. They are especially damaging to those who may present as more masc — like some studs, butches, or enby folks. They’re already navigating a world that isn’t friendly to their identities, and these trash narratives don’t help. They lead to misunderstandings, awkward interactions, and missed chances for genuine connection in the world of queer folks. We’re supposedly the generation that is all about breaking free and dismantling harmful beliefs. If we start ditching these outdated stereotypes, people can just be themselves and form the friendships and relationships they want, without carrying the baggage of false narratives.
