There are many habits we get in to when we think no one’s looking, and although being a bachelor/bachelorette can f**king rock, there are limits. If you’re displaying 5 or more of these it may be time to rethink your single strategy...
1. Eating Your Food Straight From The Vessel You Cooked It In
Like fries straight from the oven tray. Pasta right outta the pan. Since you’re not cooking for two, why give yourself the extra washing up, right? That’s just efficiency.
2. Starfish Sleeping
With your three cats.
3. You Have More Than Three Dating Profiles
One is working it. Two is thorough. Three is just desperate. You don’t need to be on every dating site.
4. Going Awol
You can disappear for days without a partner trying to track you down for hourly texts. Your friends will check in after a few days, but you could be in Cuba by that time. If you can go off grid for longer than three days without anyone noticing maybe start socializing more.
5. Living Room Porn
This just becomes acceptable when you’re single. Why bother going all the way upstairs or having a “long shower”? Time consuming.
6. You’re Running Out Of Netflix
And you’ve watched like all of your DVD’s a million times. That’s how much time you have on your hands.
7. Shaving
This becomes intermittent. If I wanna go three days without shaving my legs, no one cares. *cries into pillow*
8. Sharing With Others
If you’ve been single for longer than a few years, you revert to a toddler-like state where sharing is beyond reasonable comprehension. No, you can’t have half my fries. Who the hell do you think you are?
9. Your Browser History Is In Tact
No one is checking up on you. If you wanted to spend all of Sunday night stalking hot Instagram lesbians, then that’s your business.
10. You’re SO IN TO WORK RIGHT NOW
That’s your excuse and you’re sticking to it.
11. Guilt Is But A Distant Memory
So you have a crush on your barista and like four of your colleagues. Bothered? No. You’re totally allowed to fancy whoever you want and not feel bad about it. Now if only you could get the courage to actually ask one of them out…
12. Spooning Your Friends
“It was an accident” you insist after staying over at your friends place and spooning the hell out of them the minute they fell asleep. Just for the human contact.
13. Your Bank Balance Is Healthy
Christmas and birthdays, not to mention Valentines Day, is all about you. If you want to spend all of your money on yourself and your pets, then you damn well can, and that’s awesome.
14. You’ve Stopped Getting Plus One Invites
Your friends are all getting married and no one is even bothering to pretend you have someone to bring any more. One of them wrote you an invite with “Plus Cat” for the lols.
About the Author: E J Rosetta is an LGBT Columnist and coffee addict living in Hampshire with her spoiled cat, Hendricks. More ramblings can be found on Facebook or via Twitter @EJRosetta
