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Op-Ed: Life After DOMA is Costly for One Binational Lesbian Couple

Op-Ed: Life After DOMA is Costly for One Binational Lesbian Couple

Many of you have already read about my family through SheWired over the years. My name is Philippa and I am a British citizen. My wife Inger is an American citizen. We met via the internet in February 2008 and I travelled to Colorado in September 2008, to meet Inger and her daughter Evelyn. To cut a long story short, our relationship blossomed, Evelyn started to view me as a parent and it was clear that we all wanted a life together as a family.

Many of you have already read about my family through SheWired over the years. My name is Philippa and I am a British citizen. My wife Inger is an American citizen. We met via the internet in February 2008 and I travelled to Colorado in September 2008, to meet Inger and her daughter Evelyn. To cut a long story short, our relationship blossomed, Evelyn started to view me as a parent and it was clear that we all wanted a life together as a family.

The biggest hurdle we had to overcome was the presence of DOMA (The Defence of Marriage Act). For the past few years we have abided by the law and lived on short, expensive trips, back and forth whenever work and finances would allow. We have put our lives out there through the media and campaigned to get DOMA repealed, for us and many other couples.

Philippa, Evelyn and Inger 

The journey has not been easy, but when you find that one special person you can’t let go. I got lucky though.  I also found a second special person in our daughter. Evelyn was eight when we met, and now she’s 13. I have missed so much of her childhood, and I don’t want to lose another minute. On Wednesday 26th June, the Supreme Court ruled that Section 3 of DOMA was unconstitutional. I was on the telephone to Inger when we heard the news. The sense of relief in us both was indescribable. The ruling meant that, very soon, we would be recognised as a married couple for the purpose of immigration.

It was announced on Monday 1st July, that same sex couples were now eligible to apply for Green Cards. We began our search eagerly for an attorney so we could get the process started as soon as possible. Life has been on hold far too long. However, elation soon turned to despair. Our visits to see each other have consumed any savings we had and the legal fees became out of reach.

Over the years the work we have done for marriage equality has earned us many loyal friends and supporters. One of these amazing people, Shannon Maynard-Pegg, set up a page, to try and raise enough money to help us start the process that will return me to my family. We understand finances are tight for everyone, but if you are reading this and could spare the time to post the link to your social network pages, we would appreciate it greatly.

We have been continuously blown away by the support we have been given over the years and the support we continue to receive. To the SheWired team -- we can never thank you enough. You have given me a voice many times and enabled us to reach people and raise awareness of the situation for us and thousands of other couples. Our journey has just begun but now we have the chance to make our life together happen. After nearly five years of waiting, this is the biggest gift anyone could have given us. Thank you for taking the time to read our story, we appreciate it more than you know.

Visit the Bring Philippa Home page to learn more. 

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Philippa Judd