There’s some really strange stuff out there about queers and how we fuck. Some of it’s the relic of understanding queer relationships only through the prism of straight ones; some of it’s to do with everyday sexism and our fucked-up rape culture; and some of it’s just because identity is complicated and people don’t think. Sometimes it’s difficult to navigate, especially if you’re newly out and/or don’t have access to queer communities, so here is our rundown of queer sex myths and why they’re bullshit.
1) Femmes are always on their backs (especially with butches)
First things first: being butch or femme is not a prerequisite of being queer. Neither is being a stud, a boi, a lady or any other of the numerous other identity groups into which we’re sometimes divided. Femmes don’t always date butches; sometimes femmes date femmes, or butches date butches, or, y’know, people just date other people. All the more reason, then, why you can’t make assumptions about somebody’s sexual preferences based on their gender presentation. There’s somehow the idea that femmes are passive in bed and butches are active, and that’s roundly nonsense. Sure, some are, but by no means all, and the only way you’ll ever know how someone else likes it is by asking them.