15 Questions Straight People Have About Gay Sex (But Are Afraid to Ask)

Curious about gay sex? We understand.

As an open, sex-positive, queer man, I get a lot of questions about the mechanics of two men having sex, especially from my straight friends. Since I’ve been asked all these questions numerous times, I’d figured many of you queer men out there might find this helpful to show your straight friends. (Especially, if you’re tired of explaining it repeatedly!)

So here are 13 answers to the questions straight people want to ask about the mechanics of gay sex (but are too embarrassed to ask).

1. "How do you choose who takes what position?"

If you're unaware, gay men usually fall somewhere into the following categories: Tops, Bottoms, and Versatiles. The Tops enjoy putting it in, the Bottoms enjoy receiving, and the Versatiles get the best of both worlds. These roles are self-chosen, not appointed.

2. "Does every gay man sleep with each other?"

Yes. Well, no, but it does seem that way sometimes, doesn't it? Gay men are definitely more sexually promiscuous, but we don't automatically sleep with each other just because we're gay.

3. "Can you only have sex doggy style (or any variation thereof)?"

Gay/bi men can have missionary sex. We can look at each other face-to-face while having sex. No, the junk does not get in the way. We can do tons of different positions.

4. "Are you ever too tight?"

Yes, there are sometimes where it just won’t fit. No amount of lube and preparation can prepare you. That’s why poppers exist, and why so many queer men enjoy using them during intercourse.

5. "Does anal sex hurt?"

It can, especially if you don’t use enough lube or don’t have enough foreplay. That’s why it’s important to go slowly in the beginning, to let the receiver loosen up and relax. Then the pain is substituted by pure pleasure.

6. "How do you ejaculate first while bottoming? Doesn't that hurt more?"

As you may or may not suspect (depending on how long you’ve thought about this) it can hurt to be penetrated if you’ve already ejaculated and are not erect. Bottoming isn’t the most fun when you’re in your refractory period.

7. "Do buttholes feel better than vaginas?"

As a bisexual man, I get asked this all the time. Preference, my friends. It’s all about preference and the person. But I can tell you this: they don’t feel the same. At all.

8. "What are your feelings on ribbed condoms?"

Some men love the feeling of it, while others absolutely hate it. I recommend trying it out once to see if you like it, but don’t be surprised if the answer is no.

9. "What about poop?"

What about it? Yes, it exists, and it naturally comes out of your butt. That’s why we clean beforehand, but shit happens (literally). It’s by no means the end of the world. After the first time it happens, you become desensitized to it. You know what they say: when you’re playing around in the mud, you’re bound to get a little dirty.

10. "So how do you clean?"

There are multiple ways to clean beforehand, some more effective than others. Many queer men do use enemas (that’s not a myth), but many men use a soapy finger or baby wipes. I won’t go much more into detail about this—that’s what Google is for.

11. "Do your penises ever poke each other naked?"

Is it weird that I’ve had multiple straight friends ask me this? Not exactly sure what to say here, but um...yes, it does. And yeah, it turns us on when they touch.

12. "How often do you top and bottom in the same session?"

Whenever we want to. If we’re both versatile, meaning that we enjoy penetrating and being penetrated, then it’s definitely more likely to happen during a sexcapade.

13. "How common is rimming?"

Probably more common than you think. Many gay men absolutely love it (yum). Some gay men find it gross (yuck). But it's definitely a common sexual practice in the gay community.

14. "Does it ever smell?"

Sex smells. Period. Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.

15. "Does it... feel good?"

Oh honey, yes! Yes, it does.