What’s more fun than picking out your own cock? Enter: strap-on sex. You don’t need to have strap-on sex to be a good lesbian or queer (but it certainly can’t hurt), and although it’s indeed a hallmark of sex between two people with vaginas, you don’t need to be a lesbian or to have a vagina to enjoy strap-on sex. While the act is rich of goodies, such as making you feel magical, getting you off, and helping you realize how penises are basically pointless (sorry), there are some things to know. So here are 12 things that go through your mind the first time you have strap-on sex!
For some of the baby gays and bis out there (congrats on coming out!), up until this point you may have been used to sex with flesh penises at this point. Guess what: they’re basically useless! Anyone can buy and wear a cock. Strap-on sex teaches you this, and it’s a powerful feeling.
You may have paid for it, but that cock is yours! People who top with strap-ons often talk about how it becomes an extension of their body, so much so that they can feel sensation within the silicone. This is so true.
Enjoy it! It's yours! Along with feeling like the strap-on is part of you, those who bottom or receive the penetration can enjoy the same pride as well. Whether you go shopping as a couple or solo, you get to pick out one that belongs to you.
Penetrating with and getting penetrated by a strap-on feels powerful AF. Not only do you realize that there’s no such thing as penis envy, because anyone can own one, but it’s just, extremely hot. You can get one as big as you want in any color, and you can make love with it. Strap-ons are magic wands and the people using it are magical beings.
I won’t sugarcoat it: your first few times using a strap-on may be a little bit awkward. It makes you relate to fumbling teenage boys. Be honest with your experience with your partner, and regardless of it’s your first time or 69th, communicate. Although the strap-on may indeed become part of your body, as it has no nerves, you won’t be able to navigate what feels good as easily as you’re used to with your partner. So talk if you’re topping. And for the partner being penetrated, please kindly share what feels good and what feels like it’s bruising (unless you’re into that).
If you’re using a silicone toy, make sure to pair it with water-based lube, as silicone breaks down silicone. Lube that strap-on up. Use a big glob. Keep reapplying. Messy is hot, wetter is better, and lube makes both penetrating with a strap-on and getting fucked by one much easier. Of course you might not need it for a oral stuff, but absolutely use lube for vaginal or anal penetration.
Lesbians and vaginas get most of the strap-on attention (at least when it comes to porn) but remember that all genders and orientations can enjoy strap-ons. It’s fun to own one for anal (if you have a vagina but also like anal sex; as you grow your collection, you can buy a strap-on just for anal). Gay men can wear strap-ons, people with penises can wear them to be kinky and switch it up, and of course, there’s pegging. Strap-ons are even for straight, cis men. And it is so hot to watch someone go down on you while you’re wearing a strap-on! Don’t forget mouths (like you would)!
For strap-on beginners, missionary or doggy style tends to work best, just because it’s easiest that way. If you just want to lie on your back and not worry about jumping, have your partner get on top. But for your first pose, I’d go with missionary (it’s a staple for a reason) for ease of penetration and eye contact, so you can see your partner’s face and use their expressions and communication to tell if what you’re doing feels good or not.
When you’re having strap-on sex for the first time, be you the penetrator or the penetrate-ee, you gotta put your back into it. Receivers: now is not the time to be a pillow princess. Thrust back, wrap your legs around your partner, and help them in the moment of joy.
When we speak of strap-ons, we talk a lot about dildos. Some strap-ons come with the dildo attached to the harness, but typically, you’re going to buy them separately. This way, you can also swap out your dildo as desired. A properly fitting harness is key to happy humping. Save your money and invest in a good, adjustable harness.