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Sports for Girls: A View from the Couch

Sports for Girls: A View from the Couch

This election is finally over and I don’t want to see any of those candidates for a while. With all that coverage, these politicians have become celebrities, and I think Hollywood has become jealous, so everyone there is starting to run for political office. Throw in the subject of sports and it really gets interesting.

It’s about time, don’t you think? This election is finally over and I don’t want to see any of those candidates for a while. I’ve been blitzed, commercialed and slick-media flyered to death. With all that coverage, these politicians have become celebrities, and I think Hollywood has become jealous, so everyone there is starting to run for political office. Throw in the subject of sports and it really gets interesting.

Condoleezza Rice, Future President…of the 49ers?

That headline took me by surprise Once I started to do some research though, it started to make a little more sense. Her father, John Rice, was a high school coach and an athletic director in Birmingham, Alabama. Rice, an only child, took to football early, and has loved it ever since. When her father joined the University of Denver faculty, Broncos players would visit the house and Condi would chat football with the team.

She’s going to be out of a job in January and is planning to return to Stanford, where she served as provost from 1993 to 1999. She also happens to be friends with a former 49ers player and the current director of football operations, and expressed an interest in the position.

One high-ranking 49ers official was quoted as stating, “If she’s interested in talking to us, I’m interested in talking to her”, but the official team spokesman said it was just a rumor. I kind of like the idea, and the sporty images of her in the April issue of Fitness magazine showed me she knows her way around a gym.

While she’s trying to workout and work through her politics, someone else can’t wait to become part of the political spotlight. Basketball star, Charles Barkley has announced plans run for governor of Alabama. On a CNN interview with Campbell Brown, Barkley had this to say. “I can't screw up Alabama. We are number 48 in everything and Arkansas and Mississippi aren't going anywhere."

Here’s one good way to become a celebrity, and possibly a politician: Get naked.

Remember the girl who took off her clothes on Survivor Amazon for an Oreo and some peanut butter? Her name was Heidi Strobel. She got naked on Survivor, then got naked for Playboy, and MVP Phillies baseball pitcher, Cole Hamels noticed. Now she’s known as Mrs. Heidi Hamels. What a sports fantasy…

For those that can’t get enough of the fantasy of sports, I’ve got incredible news. You’ll be thrilled to hear that fantasy figure skating is ready to kick off again for 2008-09. My first thought was, “wow… they did this last year and are bringing it back for another? I couldn’t believe someone would think this up, much less make money off it, so I went to the website.

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Here’s what I found: Fantasy skating has proven to be an extremely popular game that combines all the excitement of the competitive figure skating season with the individual obsession and passion of fantasy sports management.

I already know their demographic: teen girls under 14 and gay men over 50. I will never make it to that site again. Period.

Ever thought you’d watch the New York City Marathon on TV? I didn’t either, but look what we missed. Kara Goucher won third place, with an impressive time of 2 hours 25 minutes, and 53 seconds. The 30 year-old Queens native was the first US woman in 14 years to stand top 3 in NYC. She won mild fame by finishing 9th and 10th in races at the Beijing Olympics, but really became a celebrity from a diary entry she wrote about one of the US basketball players hitting on her. She didn’t even have to get naked.

My next question is why run when you can skate?

The 8th annual Texas Cavello Roller Derby Championship just finished down in Austin. Can you imagine hundreds of bad-ass tattooed girls all fighting it out for your entertainment? What a brilliant idea! I would make them all celebrities! Since 2001, Texas natives Anya Jack, April Herman, Heather Burdick and Nancy Lynn have revived the challenging sport of roller derby. With team names such as the Cherry Bombs and Holly Rollers and band line ups that include Dykes on Bykes it sounds like I missed out on a good time. But it’s OK. The Lonestar Roller girls started out with just a couple of girls wanting to get out some frustration and show off body piercings, but it seems like women all over the country have a great deal of steam to vent off. Do yourself a favor and Google roller derby in your area. Just around Philly, I quickly found links to the She Devils, and the Philthy Britches and plan on convincing someone to make it to a game with me soon.

Are you ready for my next weird, but strangely associated mental jump? Hang on…

Philadelphia rapper Eve is starring in Drew Barrymore’s movie Whip It.

The movie is based on the life of L.A. Derby Doll Shauna “Maggie Mayhem” Cross, who authored the book Derby Girl, from which the movie was adapted.

In the movie, Eve plays a roller derby diva named “Rosa Sparks.”

I’m sorry… you probably need a Dramamine or a drink to read the column this week.

Why not head over to Hooters (for the wings) like golfer John Daly did. I think he became their official spokesperson back in ’05 for a while, so maybe he got a couple of free beers or maybe he paid for them all. Either way, he ended up drunk and unconscious at a North Carolina Hooters and management called an ambulance. Daly said he didn’t want to go, but Hooters was closing so the police came and he spent the night in jail. Now that’s how you act like a celebrity.

If that’s not bad enough for you, the entire University of Wisconsin Band has been suspended indefinitely for alcohol, sex and hazing. It’s completely understandable, though. The Badgers football team is 1 and 5 in their conference and the band’s got to do something during the game. You have to admit it though. Those students come up with some pretty ingenious ways to forget that last chemistry exam. I’ll leave you with this little college drinking game I learned about.

“Edward 40 hands”. Think of Edward Scissorhands, but with two 40 oz bottles of beer duct-taped to your hands instead of something sharp. Object of the game? Drink both 40 oz. Bottles. Hint: That’s a lot of liquid to get down without having your hands to help you do anything… like go to the bathroom. Come hang out here with me next week on the couch. I promise to try and stay on topic.

Miss the last "Sports for Girls"? Read it here.

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