14 reasons why gays love daddies, according to sex & dating experts

Daddy love is nothing new!

“Daddy” is a term and identity that looms large in queer culture. We seek them out on dating apps, give the moniker to our favorite hunky celebs, and even base hit reality shows around finding one. So it’s little surprise that more queer folks are embracing the title as part of their identity across the LGBTQ+ spectrum.

But one thing remains constant. We love daddies.

While it may be a cornerstone of the queer culture zeitgeist, the roots of “daddy” are literally ancient. Dr. Gregory Jones, an openly gay psychologist, certified sex therapist, Harvard Fellow, and the CEO and founder of the Capital Center for Psychotherapy and Wellness, tells PRIDE. “It dates back to ancient Rome, where intergenerational relationships were socially accepted and even institutionalized,” he explains. “These early relational imprints can evolve into adult romantic or sexual attractions, laying the psychological groundwork for daddy desire.”

The term first emerged in early 20th-century Black communities and entered into the gay lexicon in the 1970s, “particularly within BDSM and leather subcultures, where the 'leather daddy' became an iconic figure,” says Dr. Jones. It was reshaped again in the 1980s, he explains, due to the HIV/AIDS crisis. “During the 1980s and ’90s, older gay men were often unfairly stigmatized as 'unsafe' due to assumptions about HIV. Thinness, too, became a visual marker of illness during this time, leading to a shift in desirability toward body types associated with health and vitality—like bears.”

In recent years, with the introduction of PrEP and the growing awareness of "undetectable = untransmittable" (U=U), the term daddy transformed once again. “ For the first time in decades, gay men could feel relatively safe having sex without the looming fear of HIV. This return to safety brought renewed sexual freedom—and with it, a broader range of desire. Archetypes like daddies, once marginalized, could now be embraced and celebrated more openly,” says Dr. Jones.

So then, what is our modern understanding of the term daddy? "’ Daddy’ is a societal archetype of typically an older, dominant, working man who exudes a masculine presence that gives those around him security and safety,’ Anthony Canapi, MA, Gay Matchmaker & LGBTQ+ Dating Expert, tells PRIDE. “It connotes power dynamics, confidence, emotional maturity, masculinity, and protection.”

And while it can be applied to older men, that’s not the only queer group that embraces it, says Canapi. “ In today's era, queer men, not just gay men, but bi and even trans men, embrace the ‘daddy' identity even if they aren’t significantly older — as a reflection of style ‚ from facial hair, body type, clothing, energy, etc.”

But primarily, the moniker still conjures up a vision of a hot older man — and there is no doubt that an appreciation of that demographic is on the rise. Let's break down 14 reasons why!

1. Gay men are becoming less ageist

The gay community has an ageism problem. We shame men in their 30s for being "too old" and figuratively dead within the gay community. I think as queer millennials and Gen-Zers begin to tackle social issues like racism, sexism, transphobia, biphobia, and all other -isms/-phobias, we’re also beginning to realize that the way we have been treating older men, the men who fought for our rights to hold our boyfriend’s hand publicly in the street, has been pretty disrespectful.

In many ways, the daddy archetype is one that aligns with positive male values, adds Canapi, “Maturity, confidence, and life experience, which to some can be attractive traits, not liabilities.” So we’re giving these men their rightful props.

2. Daddies have a level of security that only comes with age

Insecurity runs rampant in the gay community. I'm not saying this to shame anyone, I just think it's a fact. A number of cultural factors contribute to why so many gay men are insecure and require constant validation. Daddies can offer a different perspective and model for younger gays, says Canapi. “A daddy often symbolizes safety and being grounded in a world that feels unstable — I find that the more mature a man is, for most men, the more aware they are in life.”

3. We like being spoiled

Find me a millennial who doesn't like being spoiled from time to time? Though Canapi points out that there is a difference between daddies and sugar daddies, and that daddies offer more than just financial security.

4. Daddies have that masculine appeal

The Tom of Finland aesthetic used have a draw only within a subset of the gay community, but now they're definitely more mainstream gay, and daddy’s have a lot to do with that shift because "daddies carry energy that is traditional masculinity, stoicism, ruggedness, and dominance,” says Canapi, “which in the gay male community, [has historically] honored, eroticized, and valued.”

5. Daddies are incredible in bed

“Best sex of my life, Dylan Thomas Cotter, Publicist, Activist, Author of Transgender & Triggering The Life of Dylan Thomas Cotter, “ tells PRIDE. Practice makes perfect after all!

But in all seriousness, Cotter explains that the appeal of sex with a daddy is that they project an aura of both experience and the skill that comes with it. “There’s a level of sexual attentiveness and experience that far surpasses that of younger partners because they simply may not be as skilled or as open-minded to explore sexual fantasies as daddies are,” he explains, adding that this knowledge comes from firsthand experience.

“My partner and I are about 17 years apart and after being together for years now I confidently say that [he] has made my life so much more fun and fulfilling all around, just to be with someone like him who is just damn good at life because he’s lived a full one before entering our relationship has made it that much more high quality for me.”

6. Daddies take more initiative

On a similar note, daddies aren’t afraid to take the lead in the bedroom, and will often initiate intimacy, Sofie Roos, a bisexual licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at relationship magazine Passionerad, tells PRIDE. “A daddy knows how to take the command, both in and outside of bed, which is extremely hot,” she says. “Many also find it very liberating to be able to let loose and go with the flow while their daddy takes command.”

7. They have that daddy wisdom

It comes down to having "been more through it," says Canapi. They've been around a lot longer than you. They've seen how societal views towards gay people have changed. They remember going to clubs like Studio 54. They may have even lived through the AIDS epidemic. Having seen and lived through so much, daddies not only have wisdom to impart, but also have different perspectives on the gay male identity.

8. They satisfy our Oedipus complex

For some folks, this is true, says Dr. Jones, who says daddies may “fulfill deeper psychological desires: to be guided, cared for, mentored, or even disciplined. They represent stability, authority, and emotional presence—qualities that feel grounding in a chaotic world,” but adds that it’s often not that simple.

“Outside of classic Freudian theory, there are plenty of reasons why daddies are considered desirable. For some, it’s the allure of financial dynamics (think sugar daddy/sugar baby relationships). For others, it’s about confidence, security, and sexual expertise,” he adds.

It can also simply be “genuine attraction, chemistry, or complementary energy,” says Canapi.“[In] some cases, people do feel drawn to parental figures because of unresolved emotional needs or childhood dynamics, yes. Does it apply to all daddies and confirming the satisfaction of the Oedipus Complex, no.”

9. Daddies don’t have time for drama

Being with someone more grown-up often means they are past all the drama, theatrics, and bad communication, says Roos.

“Sure, all relationships go through tough times and experience drama here and there, but a daddy won't bother to spend energy on getting into drama,” she explains. “They will want to solve things as adults and keep the peace, which they can do better thanks to being great at communication, expressing their boundaries, and a mindset of drama not being worth it.”

10. There’s something a little naughty in saying it—and we like that

The reason why the daddy dynamic is so hot, explains Canapi, is that it’s all about exploring and playing with power. “When used with the context of sex, it not only heightens the person's desire in a naughty manner, but it evokes control/submission,” he says.

11. They're mature (for the most part)

Does it feel like everyone you date is just here for the hookup, or is it massively messy? Daddies can be the antidote to that. “There is this trope that daddies are the ones who are level-headed in the dynamic; they have the awareness to understand certain scenarios or situations, and act and take action that exudes that of a daddy, which is one who is more grounded, better communicators, less reactive, and more consistent,” says Canapi. Though he admits that's not true of all daddies.

12. They're supportive

Daddies just need a little love, and they’re likely to give you support in any way you need. They often take on a nurturing role in their relationships, says Canapi. “Not all, but most daddies want what's best for their ‘big man’ or ‘baby girl.’” And who doesn’t want a partner who has your back like that?

13. They're open to anything

When you’ve lived a life and had more experiences, it often can lead to being more open-minded, explains Canapi.

“A daddy who has lived a life with many ups and downs, who has experienced changes within society, is more open-minded, adventurous, and confident trying new things, whether in bed, in relationship structures, or even in lifestyle shifts,” he explains.

It’s probably rare that there won’t be something they’ve tried in the bedroom, or explored with open relationships, or anything in between.

In a nutshell, daddies have it all. "Whether it’s about the dom/sub dynamic, maturity, financial support, or sheer charisma, the daddy archetype speaks to a wide array of needs and fantasies in queer life," says Dr. Jones. "As gender roles, sexual norms, and power structures continue to evolve, so does our understanding—and celebration—of what it means to be a daddy. "

14. They’re sexy

I mean, just look at them. Jesus Christ. You seriously are going to tell me that older men aren't attractive?

Experts cited:

Dylan Thomas Cotter, Publicist, Activist, Author of Transgender & Triggering The Life of Dylan Thomas Cotter

Anthony Canapi, MA, Gay Matchmaker & LGBTQ+ Dating Expert

Dr. Gregory Jones is an openly gay psychologist, certified sex therapist, a Harvard Fellow, and the CEO and founder of the Capital Center for Psychotherapy and Wellness

Sofie Roos, a bisexual licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at the relationship magazine Passionerad