7 Orange Is the New Black Guest Roles Kim Davis Totally Needs to Play

After spending a couple months ignoring the Supreme Court’s ruling that same-sex marriage is constitutional, Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis is behind bars for being in contempt of court. We have to admit, we’ve spent a little bit of time imagining what her life would be like if she were at Litchfield. Would she start fights? Would any of her husbands come to visit? Would she bond with Healy? Would she get a girl crush on Ruby Rose?

To that end, we’ve come up with a list of characters Kim Davis could play in Orange is the New Black. Jenji Kohan, we await your phone call.

(RELATED: 17 Genius Tweets from the Person Who Allegedly 'Sits Next to Kim Davis') 

1) Pennsatucky’s spiritual advisor

Doggett suffers a crisis of faith that leads her to turn to Kim Davis, who helps her see the light. Together, they form a religious group at the prison that centers their faith around prayer, fasting, and one-man-one-woman marriage. If you thought Norma had followers, wait until Pennsatucky gets a load of this ultimate martyr. 

2) Red’s new potato peeler

Chaos rules in the kitchen as Kim Davis refuses to let two identical potatoes sit next to each other in the bin since that would promote gayness.

3) Healy’s stage 5 clinger

After Kim Davis’ second/fourth husband refuses to come visit the prison, she turns her attention to the one man who has showed her kindness: Healy. She starts telling people that she and Healy will be married soon, since she’s able to issue marriage licenses.

4) Stella’s new cellmate

SPOILER if you haven't watched season 3 (and who hasn't?). Sure, we know Piper turned on Stella (Ruby Rose) and had her shipped off, but what if she found her way back to Litchfield? Even a four-marriage, straight-up heterosexual like Kim Davis is not immune to Ruby Rose's charms. Stella brings 'out' things Kim Davis never new she had in her. 

5) Piper’s snitch

Kim Davis learns about Piper’s lingerie side business and tries to get in on it. After Piper clams up, Kim snitches to Caputo. Caputo’s investigation turns up nothing against Piper, but contraband is found in Kim’s bunk. Trust no bitch.

6) A character in Suzanne’s erotica

Suzanne’s latest smut story features Kim Davis, much to her chagrin, but it goes viral among the inmates.

7) Big Boo's nemesis

If you thought Vee was evil, wait until you see Kim Davis in a jump suit. It's a good thing Lea DeLaria knows how to stand up to a religious zealot. 

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