8 Comebacks for When Someone Says Something Biphobic
We’ve detailed repeatedly (because fools need to hear it) biphobic comments ignorant people of all orientations sling at bi folks. What we haven’t armed you with is comeback ammo. I apologize for that. So the next time you’re on a Tinder date from hell, or getting harassed at a club, here are eight comebacks for some of the most tired, biphobic comments.
1. “I have a theory that you’re an asshole.”
Bisexual people are straight-splained their orientation on repeat. My favorite line, usually offered from the mouth of a pretentious straight dude, is “I have a theory everyone is a little bisexual.” Oh really. So you saw the study that showed that everyone gets turned on by porn?? COOL, BRO. That’s not the same thing as an orientation. I have a proven hypothesis that you’re absolutely an asshole.
2. “That was extremely biphobic of you.”
Sometimes the best thing you can do is call someone on their shit. Racists hate being called racists; homophobes hate being called homophobes. If someone’s being biphobic, confront them on it.
3. “I don’t date ignorant people.”
Unfortunately, queer folks are guilty of this one. Lesbian or gay men will often be wary of dating bisexuals out of fear they’ll leave them for a straight person, or act on some other bi stereotype. If someone’s not taking the time to see you as a person, but reducing you to an ignorant assumption, they’re not worth your time.
4. “Cool, I’m a single person looking for a dragon.”
I mean, you said you two were going unicorn hunting. All I’m saying is that dragons look dope, so if you see one in that forest of yours let me know.
5. “Is that hairstyle a phase?”
No, my orientation is not a phase. But I hope to god that haircut of yours is.
6. “You’re right. You won’t be able to satisfy me.”
For some reason (I suppose it’s because we have the capacity for sex with all genders?), the supposed sexual prowess of bisexuals brings out a lot of insecurities for some. If a potential partner expresses fear that they won’t be able to satisfy you in bed based upon the fact that you’re bisexual, dump them. As Oprah said, when someone reveals themself to you, dump them.
7. “Oh...you have no idea what bisexuality means, do you?”
You’re simply speaking the truth with this one. If someone says that your orientation reinforces the gender binary, or equates bisexuality with polyamory, just let them know they have no idea what they’re talking about. It’s up to you whether or not you have the time to educate them.
8. “You’re so self-centered that you think you could change my orientation?”
Here’s another winner — when someone thinks you’re gay once you’re with a gay person, or straight once you’re with a straight person. Ha! You think you’re bigger than my orientation? Bitch, please.
