• Log in
    Brand Logo
    #Celebs#Geek#TV#Movies#Music#ComingOut#Love&Sex#FirstPerson#Activism#Video
    ADVOCATEOUTOUT TRAVELERPLUS
    SubscribeSubscriber ServicesEmail Newsletter Signup
    CONTACTCAREER OPPORTUNITIESADVERTISE WITH USPRIVACY POLICYPRIVACY PREFERENCESTERMS OF USELEGAL NOTICE
    © 2023 Pride Publishing Inc.
    All Rights reserved
    OUTOUT
    Scroll To Top

    By continuing to use our site, you agree to our Private Policy and Terms of Use.

    Accept

    7 Reasons the Phrase “Gold Star Lesbian” Needs to Die

    Cassie SheetsAndrew J. Stillman
    | 08/01/23

    7 Reasons the Phrase “Gold Star Lesbian” Needs to Die


    What’s the gold star for?

    7 Reasons the Phrase \u201cGold Star Lesbian\u201d Needs to Die

    Shutterstock

    Simply put, a “gold star lesbian” is a lesbian who has never slept with a man. So, what’s the problem? Why does this phrase need to die? Take a look at the following seven reasons.

    1. It's another attempt to control women

    two men holding a pride rainbow

    Shutterstock

    Although some lesbians wear the term with pride, a lot also feel like it’s offensive. The current climate already aims to control women’s reproductive systems, and the “gold star” term has a subtle connotation that women “need” to sleep with at least one man during their lifetime, lest they miss out on a “necessary” experience. This isn’t even to touch on the experiences of those who have had sex against their will, but we’ll get to that in a moment.

    2. It reinforces negative LGBTQIA+ stereotypes

    two women sharing a kiss and cuddle

    Shutterstock

    The “gold star” term also reinforces the idea that anyone on the LGBTQ+ spectrum can “choose” who they would like to have sex with. By asking “why” they haven’t had sex with the opposite gender, it insinuates they have a desire they’re simply not acting on, and that’s simply not the truth.

    3. It places value on some sexual experiences above others.

    two women laughing

    Shutterstock

    Most of us can probably agree that it’s totally weird and creepy to place a huge amount of value on the virginity of women and girls (virginity meaning, typically, penis-in-vagina hetero sex), because women don’t lose value when they “lose” their virginity. The whole “gold star lesbian” thing places those same values of “purity” on lesbians who haven’t slept with men. A woman’s value shouldn’t have anything to do with whom she has or hasn’t slept with, regardless of what community she’s in.

    4. There are plenty of lesbians who have slept with men…and guess what? They’re still lesbians.

    two women kissing on a beach

    Shutterstock

    We live in a messed up heteronormative world that puts enormous pressure on women to partner up with men, and some lesbians do just that before they come out. It doesn’t change the fact that those lesbians are still only attracted to women, and we shouldn’t imply their sexuality is less legitimate, or that their attraction to women is any less pure.

    5. It plays into the narrative that bi women have less pure intentions when they date women.

    lesbians enjoying each others company

    Shutterstock

    The idea that never sleeping with a man is the standard we should all strive to live up to plays into the idea that bisexual women are less desirable for lesbians to date, since they’re not as “pure” in their sexual desires or experiences.

    6. It can make it more difficult for rape survivors to talk about their experiences.

    two women enjoying each other

    Shutterstock

    Placing so much value on the “gold star” can make lesbians who have never had sex with men, but who have been raped by men, feel far more uncomfortable talking about their experience with other lesbians, because the “gold star” is so tied into ideas of status and purity.

    7. It can be used to justify transphobia.

    lesbians hugging and smiling

    Shutterstock

    While “gold star lesbian” really just means a lesbian who has never slept with a man, penis is often equated with man in lesbian communities, and invoking the “gross out” effect of certain genitalia in “gold star” conversations is common. (We see it played for humor in online videos where lesbians touch a penis for the first time.) Here’s the thing: no one really cares what genitalia your girlfriend has, and no one really cares who you date. But don’t exclude trans lesbians, or the cis lesbians who date them from your definition of “ideal” or “real” lesbians.

    Latest Stories

    (L to R) Victoria Scone, Sara Gilbert, Ricky Martin and Cara Dlevingne
    Celebrities
    Badge
    gallery

    18 LGBTQ+ Celebrity Breakups That Broke Our Hearts Too

    9h
    Bob The Drag Queen; Alaska; Kylie Sonique Love
    DragQueens
    Badge
    gallery

    Fan-Casting An All-Winners Season 2 of 'RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars'

    9h
    (L) Lukas Gage and (R) Zachary Quinto
    Movies
    Badge
    gallery

    6 Things We Love In The Hilarious 'Down Low' Trailer

    13h
    13 Lesbian TV and Movie Tropes We're Completely Tired of Seeing
    TV
    Badge
    gallery

    13 Lesbian TV and Movie Tropes We're Completely Tired of Seeing

    14h
    Christian Chavez
    Celebrities
    Badge
    gallery

    20 Steamy Pics Of Christian Chávez To Celebrate The RBD Reunion Tour

    September 25 2023 4:51 PM
    Pandora Boxx; Roxxxy Andrews; Kennedy Davenport
    DragQueens
    Badge
    gallery

    'RuPaul's Drag Race' Queens Who Were Ahead of Their Time

    September 25 2023 4:36 PM
    15 Ways to Get Him Out of Your Head
    Love&Sex
    Badge
    gallery

    15 Ways to Get Him Out of Your Head

    September 25 2023 2:00 PM
    7 Gay Celebs Who Dished On Their Threesome Experiences
    Celebrities
    Badge
    gallery

    7 Gay Celebs Who Dished On Their Threesome Experiences

    September 25 2023 1:14 PM
    11 Things You & Your BF Need to Do Before Having a Threesome
    Love&Sex
    Badge
    gallery

    11 Things You & Your BF Need to Do Before Having a Threesome

    September 25 2023 12:23 PM
    20 Steamy Pics Of Zane Phillips, 'Fire Island' & 'Glamorous' Heartthrob
    Celebrities
    Badge
    gallery

    20 Steamy Pics of Zane Phillips, 'Fire Island' & 'Glamorous' Heartthrob

    September 25 2023 11:41 AM
    9 Best States to Live as a Trans Person
    Identities
    Badge
    gallery

    9 Best States To Live In As A Trans Person

    September 25 2023 10:34 AM
    NoRal Apparel At Blatino Oasis 2023
    Fashion
    Badge
    gallery

    13 Steamy Pics Of NoRal Apparel At Blatino Oasis 2023

    September 25 2023 8:30 AM
    Jordan Firstman
    Celebrities
    Badge
    gallery

    25 Steamy Pics of Viral Comedian & Actor Jordan Firstman

    September 22 2023 3:33 PM
    Dove Cameron, Cardi B, Kit Connor
    Bisexual
    Badge
    gallery

    10 Bisexual Celebrities You Have To Follow On Instagram & TikTok

    September 22 2023 12:00 PM
    10 Albums & EPs Released By Drag Queens In 2023 (So Far)
    Music
    Badge
    gallery

    10 Albums & EPs Released By Drag Queens In 2023 (So Far)

    September 22 2023 11:22 AM
    Kylie, Doja, Slayyyter & More Bless The Gays On New Music Friday
    Music
    Badge
    gallery

    Kylie, Doja, Slayyyter & More Bless The Gays On New Music Friday

    September 22 2023 11:01 AM
    Ongina; Katya; LaLa Ri
    DragQueens
    Badge
    gallery

    'RuPaul's Drag Race' Queens Eliminated After Winning A Challenge

    September 21 2023 4:46 PM
    Alyson Stoner, Jojo Siwa, Garrett Clayton
    Celebrities
    Badge
    gallery

    9 LGBTQ+ Stars You Didn't Know Got Their Start on Nickelodeon

    September 21 2023 4:22 PM
    UPDATED: 92 LGBTQ+ Movies We Can’t Wait To See In 2023
    Movies
    Badge
    gallery

    UPDATED: 87 LGBTQ+ Movies We Can’t Wait To See In 2023

    September 21 2023 4:19 PM
    20 Steamy Pics of Figure Skater Wesley Campbell That'll Make Ice Melt
    Celebrities
    Badge
    gallery

    20 Steamy Pics of Figure Skater Wesley Campbell That'll Make Ice Melt

    September 21 2023 4:07 PM

    Trending Stories

    Ghana's Newest Anti-LGBTQ+ Law Sparks Protests

    'Bachelorette' Alum Josh Seiter Checks Into Mental Health Facility Following Death Hoax

    Jonathan Bennett Recalls Meeting His Husband During an Interview With The Advocate Channel

    Meta Fails to Moderate Content from Anti-Trans Hate Group on Instagram, Watchdog Group Says

    Este Aliado del VIH Está Condimentando la Salud Sexual

    Meet the Gay Men of Haifa in the Latest Edition of 'Elska' Magazine

    STI Rates, Including HIV, Could Spike Due to Medicaid Cuts

    QAnon Believer Threatens to Kill U.S. Congresswoman He Thought Was Transgender

    These 8 European Destinations are Perfect for Fall Colors and Savings

    The Mississippi River Is Having a Rough Year — Here's Why That Matters

    The Writers Strike Is Nearly Over—So What Does That Mean For the Actors Strike?

    Halloween New Orleans Is Throwing an XL-Sized Party, Celebrating 40 Years of AIDS Fundraising

    13 Sizzling Hot Pics of NoRal Apparel at Blatino Oasis 2023

    Pete Buttigieg Slams Donald Trump’s Alleged Remarks About Disabled Veterans

    Meet Two Amazing Activists Speaking Up About Black Women and HIV

    39 Minutes With K. Michelle

    ​Tuesday's Top Stories: Don't Ask Don't Tell Revisited, Mississippi River Runs Low, Writer Strike Ends​

    Lukas Gage Helps Zachary Quinto Use Hookup Apps in Debut 'Down Low' Trailer

    Video Game Actors Sign Off on Strike, Poised to Unite With SAG-AFTRA

    Gavin Newsom Vetoes Bill Requiring Custody Decisions Involve Affirming Children’s Gender Identity

    Life is Beautiful Celebrates 10 Years By Announcing LGBTQ+ Parties

    JVN & Dax Shepard Had a Heated Podcast Discussion About Trans Rights

    President Joe Biden Joins UAW Workers on Picket Line, Making History

    Arrests Follow HIV Funding Protest at Speaker McCarthy's Office

    Texas Man Sentenced to 36 Years in Prison for Murder of Transgender Woman

    Most Recent

    Travel Essentials for Trips Around the World

    Lagoona Bloo Teams Up With 'Drag Race' Alum In 'Elle Woods' Music Video

    Canada Has Some of the Highest Mpox Rates in the World

    Texas Judge Strikes Down Anti-Drag Law Days After Another Upholds College Drag Ban

    Stewart Taylor Releases New Breakup Anthem "Favorite Ex"

    Travel Essentials for Trips Around the World

    Video Game Actors Sign Off on Strike, Poised to Unite With SAG-AFTRA

    How to Honor Senior Survivors of HIV

    HIV Warrior Ronnie Grace Battling Stage 4 Cancer

    Lisa Rinna Does PTown

    President Joe Biden Joins UAW Workers on Picket Line, Making History

    DACA Immigration Policy Ruled Unlawful, But Allowed to Continue

    ​Tuesday's Top Stories: Don't Ask Don't Tell Revisited, Mississippi River Runs Low, Writer Strike Ends​

    SF Leather Week Opens with Inauguration of World’s First Leather and Queer History Public Space

    New 'Drag Race' Host Is a Legendary Activist Living With HIV

    The Mississippi River Is Having a Rough Year — Here's Why That Matters

    Travis Scott Investigated For Assault and $12,000 in Property Damage

    Get Ready for Provincetown’s Third-Annual Washashore Festival Featuring a Rising Tide of Queer Musical Talent

    The Morning Show’s Reese Witherspoon and Julianna Margulies Have a Spark in New Clip

    Oklahoma Black Trans Woman DéVonnie J’Rae Johnson Fatally Shot in Los Angeles

    Dr. Randa Jaafar on Her New Practice & Helping Women Feel Their Best

    President Joe Biden Joins UAW Workers on Picket Line, Making History

    George W. Bush Calls Out Republicans Trying to End HIV Program PEPFAR

    Grace Van Dien, Stranger Things Actor, Says She's Turning Down Roles Over Sexual Harassment

    Recommended Stories for You

    Travel Essentials for Trips Around the World

    Lagoona Bloo Teams Up With 'Drag Race' Alum In 'Elle Woods' Music Video

    Canada Has Some of the Highest Mpox Rates in the World

    Texas Judge Strikes Down Anti-Drag Law Days After Another Upholds College Drag Ban

    Stewart Taylor Releases New Breakup Anthem "Favorite Ex"

    Travel Essentials for Trips Around the World

    Video Game Actors Sign Off on Strike, Poised to Unite With SAG-AFTRA

    How to Honor Senior Survivors of HIV

    HIV Warrior Ronnie Grace Battling Stage 4 Cancer

    Lisa Rinna Does PTown

    President Joe Biden Joins UAW Workers on Picket Line, Making History

    DACA Immigration Policy Ruled Unlawful, But Allowed to Continue

    ​Tuesday's Top Stories: Don't Ask Don't Tell Revisited, Mississippi River Runs Low, Writer Strike Ends​

    SF Leather Week Opens with Inauguration of World’s First Leather and Queer History Public Space

    New 'Drag Race' Host Is a Legendary Activist Living With HIV

    The Mississippi River Is Having a Rough Year — Here's Why That Matters

    Travis Scott Investigated For Assault and $12,000 in Property Damage

    Get Ready for Provincetown’s Third-Annual Washashore Festival Featuring a Rising Tide of Queer Musical Talent

    The Morning Show’s Reese Witherspoon and Julianna Margulies Have a Spark in New Clip

    Oklahoma Black Trans Woman DéVonnie J’Rae Johnson Fatally Shot in Los Angeles

    Dr. Randa Jaafar on Her New Practice & Helping Women Feel Their Best

    President Joe Biden Joins UAW Workers on Picket Line, Making History

    George W. Bush Calls Out Republicans Trying to End HIV Program PEPFAR

    Grace Van Dien, Stranger Things Actor, Says She's Turning Down Roles Over Sexual Harassment