Lesbians are so hot right now. If the new Megan Fox movie, Top Chef, True Blood, the LiLo-SamRo saga, Melrose Place, America’s Next Top Model and Grey’s Anatomy didn’t clue you in already, just pick up a copy of this month’s Marie Claire and you’ll see that the media is just a few smooches away from some kind of girl-on-girl record.
Enter Drew Barrymore and Ellen Page, co-stars of the upcoming roller derby romp, Whip It, whose recent photo shoot and interview with the popular women’s fashion magazine has me wondering if I’m taking crazy pills. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve read anything that was so blatantly coded with veiled homoeroticism since The Picture of Dorian Gray. And that was written in 1891. Though Barrymore has admitted to being attracted to women, she’s managed to stay far from full-on lesbian speculation. However, Page, like Angelina Jolie and Gina Gershon, became an instant lesbian icon after her breakout role in Juno. Rumors became so widespread, in fact, that she even parodied her supposed lesbionic leanings when she hosted Saturday Night Live. And after this article, well, we’re even more convinced.
First of all, let’s talk about the word choice. Although ostensibly about the pair’s blossoming “friendship,” it appears that the editor of Marie Claire instructed her writer to go off the deep end with over-the-top sensual references, beginning with the opening blurb:
“Shoehorned into a banquette on the sun-drenched patio of a Mediterranean joint in Manhattan’s West Village, Drew Barrymore and Ellen Page can’t keep their hands off each other.”
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Is it just me, or does this sound very much like the prelude to a steamy afternoon sex scene? And the writer doesn’t stop there. She discusses how the two “playfully hold hands” and are “gigglingly pressed thigh-to-thigh” the whole time.
She even catches the sweet little moments where Drew and Ellen finish each other’s sentences like a couple who have known each other for years. The actresses discuss their recent trip to Mexico for New Year’s as well as their spontaneous Vegas birthday get-away (EP and DB turned 22 and 34 “like one minute apart,” respectively, and it seems that age really is just a number).
When asked about their initial meeting, Ellen had this to say:
“I first met Drew at the Chateau Marmont. And it was a surreal moment for me in my life. You could just feel her warmth and kindness immediately, and the way she carried herself was just so grounded. So then it was like, ‘Oh, this is going to be great.’ And then it went into, ‘Oh, my God, I’m really crazy about this person.’ It just grew and grew and grew and grew and grew…I know this is a cheesy thing to say, but it was magic.”
Just for a moment, pretend that Marie Claire was interviewing newlyweds Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds about the day they met and this is Ryan talking. Notice anything? Moving on.
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Next the girls discuss each other’s bodies under the guise of an empowering rant about the female beauty that exists outside of society’s impossible standards. Ellen, a self-proclaimed “T-shirt and jeansy” kind of girl (hmm) says that being around Drew allowed her to “tap into more of a sensuous side.” Drew also recounts the time when she told Ellen to do a scene in just her underwear, but keep her black socks on (yes, Drew was also the director, and we all know where that can lead—Jenny and Nikki, anyone?) She concludes with, “That’s more real: when you spend the night with girlfriends, you’re going to wake up in your undies and socks.” Did I miss something here? Where were these kinds of sleepovers when I was thirteen? Sadly, this scene didn’t make the final cut.
We then get a cute little back-and-forth dialogue, which is still supposedly on the topic of female body image:
Drew: She was in her frickin’ bra with an open jacket and hot pink shorts, skating around the rink with red lips and…
Ellen: I was having a really good time.
Drew: …and she was sexy as a mother…a feral creature. It was great. And it’s so screwed up for girls to think, Oh, because I don’t have that cookie-cutter model body, it must mean I don’t have the right body shape.
Nice save, Drew, but it’s pretty clear to me what you were actually thinking about while checking out Ellen in her roller derby digs. Probably not other girls.
And if this sexy picture isn’t enough, the article concludes with the writer asking the two to describe each other in three words. Drew’s choice? “Curious. Kind. And the word ethical is coming to me…Integrity. My other words would be funny, sexy. I had to throw those out!” And Ellen’s answer: “Luminous. Compassionate. Intelligent.” Upon hearing this, Drew exclaimed, “Dang, baby, shit!”
