You’re behaving completely rationally, expressing your opinion in a cool and collected manner. Then a friend, or even worse, your partner, tells you to “calm down.” While the natural human response is to shout, “I AM CALM. I WILL KILL YOU!” here are some other responses that might be a little bit more productive when someone tells you the two most infuriating words in the history of the world.
1. Calm down. 
I’d rather not.
2. Seriously, calm down. 
*Stares menacingly*
3. Woah, calm down dude. 
LOL.
4. You’re overreacting. Could you calm down? 
I’m reacting. How is it even possible to overreact?
5. I’m not going to talk to you unless you calm down. 
*SCREAM*
6. You need to calm down. 
You need to turn up.
7. Just calm down already. 
*Walks away*
