5 Things to NEVER Say to Bisexual Couples

Bi couples get asked all sorts of really inappropriate things—and it needs to STOP.

People say weird things to couples who don’t fit the “norm,” even within queer communities. From lesbian couples to queer interracial couples, we tend to be asked some pretty nosy questions that straight couples definitely don’t have to deal with. Since bisexual people face unique struggles in terms of things like identity and social support, it makes sense that bisexual couples would also have unique frustrations. So many people still don’t believe that bisexuality is a real, and valid, identity, so they have difficulty believing that bisexual relationships are legit. But, well, they are.

So let’s debunk a few things you should *never* say to a bi couple, shall we?

1. “So you’re both just gay, right?”

Bi people are bi no matter who we’re dating. Even if the bi couple is made up of people of the same gender, that doesn’t mean they’re suddenly a lesbian or gay couple. Bi people? Bi couple.

2. “How do you not get jealous of all of their friends?”

Ah, the slutty stereotype. While some bi folks are slutty and proud of it, many people don’t appreciate having harmful labels forced upon them. Maybe you’re insecure in your relationship and have jealousy issues that cause tension between you and your partner’s friends, but that’s a personal problem, not a representation of how all relationships function. So no, bi folks don’t restrict their partners just because they are bi.  

3. “Is this just a phase?”

Remember how we totally hate when queer people are asked if they’re just going through a phase? Same thing goes for bisexual people. Sexuality is fluid, so we may ID as bi now and pan later, or bi now and gay later, or bi now and forever… there’s no way to predict it. And it shouldn’t matter to a stranger, anyway.

4. “But I thought you dated [insert-gender-here]?”

This is a super awkward thing that happens a lot with bisexual couples. Maybe you dated men for a few years, or women for a few years, or non-binary people for a few years, so now that you’re dating mostly people of another gender, some folks are totally thrown off. They may have decided your sexuality based off of who you were dating instead of, well, your sexuality. But remember—who we date doesn’t decide if we’re bi or not. It’s just who we are.

5. “Are you 80/20? 60/40? 90/10?”

Some bi people really enjoy playing the numbers game of "How Bi Are You?" They ask which percent of you ID’s as attracted to men, and which percent is attracted to women. Not only does this totally erase non-binary and gender nonconforming folks, but it’s also awkward if you’re someone who is just like, I don’t know, bi? It’s awesome that such numbers bring awareness to the fact that being bi isn’t always about being 50/50, but turning someone into an equation is rarely a good call.