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The fact that queer women love cats is one of my favorite stereotypes about lesbians. I currently own five (one had kittens) and it’s been the most successful pick-up line I’ve ever used.
“Why don’t you come home with me and meet my five week old kittens” is like the lesbian version of a man offering to bring a straight girl back home for a drink. It works every time.
And it’s easy to see why. We have so much in common with cats! They’re totally our spirit animals, and here's why:
1. Cats Are Nonchalant
The cat glare is scarily similar to the too-cool-for-you glances you get from girls in gay clubs. Truth is, we’re both just trying to look uninterested while totally checking out what’s going on in our peripheral vision.
Nothing gets past us. Straight folks need sunglasses to hide what they’re looking at, but both cats and queer ladies have the sideways-stare down. Like a ninja.
2. Once They Love You, They Love You Forever
Cats totally have the urge-to-merge. Forever. It may take a while at first, but win a cat's trust and they’re yours forever.
3. They Have Sharp Claws, And Will Use Them If Necessary
Ours are metaphorical of course, but piss of a lesbian and she won't pussyfoot around you. Especially if you hurt her bestie; she'll go full-on bulldog on you.
4. They’re Androgynous
I mean who can even tell what gender a cat is anyway. And you don’t see anyone trying to be like “Hey, cat, what's your gender?” do you? Because you don’t fuck with a feline.
5. They Love Playing with Toys
A girl’s best friend is her … smartphone. I mean gay girls love gadgets, right? Stop looking at me like that. Get your mind out of the gutter.
Oh, honestly … none of that, please. I’m British.
So it’s settled. Cats are the definitely every lesbian/bi girls BFF.
Wow, I made it through all of that without making a single lesbian/pussy joke. Go me!
About the Author: E J Rosetta is an LGBT Columnist and coffee addict living in Hampshire, England with her spoiled cat, Hendricks. More ramblings can be found on Facebook or via Twitter @EJRosetta
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