Why Ladies Should Wear Old Spice: Or, Gendered Products Are a Grift

A few years ago when I was living with a bunch of boys, I ran out of deodorant.  In a desperate attempt to ameliorate the situation with no time to run to CVS, I asked Josiah if I could borrow whatever he was using and he agreed.  This led to my four-year-and-counting love affair with Old Spice and all its iterations in the market. This deodorant far outpaces anything I've been marketed to as a female.  Fuck Secret and your weird scents, seriously.  Prior to my switch, I had been using this weird crystal rock thing in an attempt to not put aluminum too close to my precious armpit lymph nodes, but the beauty of Old Spice is that it is not an antipersperant (the home of aluminum and other heavy metals), but rather just a deodorant.  Plus, they have amazing commercials:

But I digress.  This deodorant is actually the first of a long line of men's products I've tried that have failed miserably.  I once tried Axe body wash because I liked the scent and thought it would attract the ladies (as not-so-subtly claimed by their advertising) and started using it.  I have never had drier, more awful skin in my entire life.  I actually feel really badly for men and the terrible, non-lathering soaps and body washes and 2-in-1 conditioner/shampoo combos that they are subjected to in an effort to appear more masculine.  And what's with the grey and red packaging?  Does Dove really think that by giving their body wash bottles more angular lines and making the bottles black that dudes will buy it?  Apparently this actually works.  But I'll stop writing now and let these two brilliant Aussie girls explain the rest.  Enjoy: