When a fun-loving pair of gossipy homos gets together, nobody is safe. Sure, instant messaging is a wonderful tool for workplace communication and for late-night, ahem, romantic dalliances. But during those down times in the gay media business, what else is there to do but eviscerate the glitterati?
SheWired.com Senior Editor Tracy E. Gilchrist and her favorite understudy, GayWired contributor, Mark Umbach, prove that lesbians and gay men do get along… especially when they’re getting bitchy over the latest dirt in Hollywood.
This week, Mark and Tracy contemplate America Fererra's bad-assdom giving Lindsay Lohan the Ugly Betty heave-ho. Plus, Mark cops to his gay boy crush on The L Word's Rose Rollins, Sarah Palin hates the gays on a federal level, Angelina Jolie dons period costume drag... and more
TG: Hello darling. Let's do this. Since I threw my back out from coughing from my damned mid-October cold, I'm eager to head home and take a muscle relaxer with a Nyquil / Jack Daniels chaser.
MU: Let's get to it.. .and don't forget a Tylenol PM for good measure.
TG: Oh. I would never do that. I'm good to my body!
MU: I bet a lot of people are!
TG: Not these days... Lord I have to get out and meet some people.
MU: Well, it's a good thing we'll be celebrating SheWired across the country!
TG: I know. Think I can lose 10 pounds, tone up and get some cute threads by our launch parties? Anyway... First up...my favorite Lush and Lez, Lindsay was tossed off Ugly Betty. Thoughts?
MU: Seriously... this girl can't keep a job. You hear the rumors and her being something that rhymes with punt on set. And you don't want to believe them but then it happens again and again. I'd much rather go after America, anyway. She can toss my butt anywhere she likes.
TG: Haha. Oh you can say the C word. I love it. I embrace it, like the British. It's a term of endearment.
TG: Yeah... that America is one little hottie. And I think she's a bad ass.
MU: Right, if you OWN Lohan you've made it.
TG: Rumor has it, she's the one who got Linds kicked to the curb.
MU: Exactly. To the curb!
TG: She did OWN Lohan... not even Samantha Ronson has that much pull with the Lez, the Lohan.
MU: So, I know I'm the gay and you're the gossip girl, but I have to tout my excitement for The L Word DVDs!!!! Just a quick shout out. I miss my bitches.
TG: Shhh. That was a special gift... since the DVD's are coming out next week. The lesbians will come after your ass for those DVD's.
MU: Maybe that's what I want!
TG: Who would you most like to do on the L Word? Or... do you... whatever.
MU: Natasha, Natasha!
MU: Bad
MU: A
MU: S
MU: S
MU: She's more of a man than most of mine!
TG: It's just Tasha sweetie, or are you on a full-name basis with her? Nice choice though.
MU: Did you just FACE me?!? Ha.
TG: Haha... A little.
MU: I deserved it. 'What about you? Tell me your desires. Whose kitty do you want to pet?
TG: Me? I would go after Bette, smart, beautiful, academic, self-involved, condescending, occasionally emotionally abusive, a hot top... yep that's the type I fall for. But really, Jennifer Beals is outrageous.
MU: Gorgeous.
TG: I love that you watch the L Word. You're the only gay boy I know who does. They don't really play to their gay male audience much.
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MU: I know we harp on this lately.
TG: Harp on what? Palin?
MU: The election. But I have to talk about Prop 8.
TG: Okay... you have a soapbox. Go!
MU: I was driving back from Northern Cal this Monday. And the amount of Yes on 8 signs I saw in the middle of the state scared me a bit! Marriage has been legal in CA for months now. Many of my friends are married, and the world has not come to an end.
TG: I know! It's FUCKING crazy! Like the economy isn't in the shitter and the ice caps aren't melting. Get a real fucking cause you loopy bastards!
MU: We have just over a week left! We have to get out the word. Everyone reading this: GO PHONE BANK!!!
TG: And as much as I find myself depressingly attracted to that Palin woman, I'm appalled she supports a federal marriage ban.
MU: SO glad Ellen DeGeneres called her out on that. The funding has been rolling in this week though.
TG: Thanks to Ellen, and to the 8 Against 8 lesbian bloggers!
MU: Exactly. Those girls really rallied the troops. I don’t know how you can try to write discrimination laws into the constitution.
TG: Well, Palin had better watch it. Nobody's taking Ellen's hot bitch from her! If I were Ellen, I'd be like a dog with a bone over Portia too. I mean Ellen's a catch, but Portia, Whew!
MU: Seriously... and I hate these people with their, "Well, I have gay friends." They're not really your friends if you want to legislate discrimination against them. Man, I'd get on Portia. Maybe Ellen should watch out for ME! But they just look so happy together.
TG: Please...all of those colleges Palin's attended. You know she got tipsy at a sorority party and made out with Winona Ryder. Their coconuts knocking together. Oh wait... that's Friends.
MU: How can anyone ever mess… HA! I just watched that one last night! ‘Kiss good-bye? No?’ Okay... Maybe you and I should drink some sangria. See where it goes!
TG: Phoebe was priceless kissing Rachel. 'I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.' So back to what you were saying... how can anyone mess?
MU: Oh, ever mess with Ellen and Portia de Rossi. They're too adorable.
TG: I know... they are lesbian royalty but without the big ears and weak chins...
MU: I showed my lesbian stripes with The L Word, but now I must show my gay stripes.
TG: Okay...reveal.
MU: How excited was I the other night when Jeopardy had a category called "And Then There's Bea Arthur!!!" OMG!
TG: And there's Maude!
MU: I rattled those off before the answers were even revealed.
TG: I love it!
MU: MAUDE. DOROTHY ZBORNAK. The two greatest characters on TV. Besides Tasha and Bette of course.
TG: They didn't know they were dealing with a Bea Arthur aficionado.
MU: Seriously. I was like Rosie Perez in White Men Can't Jump. I can name five foods that start with the letter Q.
TG: I forgot about that. Rosie Perez. You can never have too much Rosie Perez.
MU: Seriously.
TG: And.... the five foods?
MU: Well, I can't remember them now! But Rosie sure knew them. Where has she gone?
TG: Indie flicks? Raising kids? Damned kids. They fuck everything up. Hasn't slowed Angie down though.
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MU: Honestly. Kids. Sheesh.
TG: Speaking of the Ange, will you be whipping out your wallet to see her this weekend?
MU: I hope to! With my packed social life. It's hard.
TG: I will. Although Clint Eastwood movies are total over-the-top chick flicks, even when they star men.
MU: A friend went to a press screening this week and said it was really good. So I'm hopeful. She needs a good one! Although I don't feel too sorry for her, she gets to sleep with Brad Pitt EVERY night.
TG: Oh Brad... I do kind of love him, Those lips, the quads. I seriously ogled him in Troy as if he were a pretty girl. True that Ange could use a dramatic hit... When she's wielding a gun and straddling a train, it’s all good but girl’s got to get it going with her dramatic chops.
MU: For real... and I love it when she plays crazy bitch. Girl Interrupted. Man. She kind of transcends sexuality. I think everyone wants to get in there.
TG: What else is up sweetie? Anything? I seriously might have a date with my couch and a Law and Order: SVU marathon to help me feel better.
MU: I support that decision!
MU: It's just been a crazy busy week... I haven't even got to watch my episode of The Biggest Loser yet!
TG: Uh oh... You watch that crap? I'm shocked. Do you get good diet tips?
MU: Ha ha. I can't help it. I get all emotional and blubbery. Ha! and that NEVER happens.
TG: Awww. You’re a fat girl on the inside.
MU: Don't I know it.
TG: If I don't get off my ass and hit the gym or the canyon or my bike, I'll be a fat girl on the outside... not that there's anything wrong with that... It's just not my ideal.
MU: Please, you're a hot mamma!
TG: I like the girls to be able to easily toss me around the bedroom.
MU: I can already see you bouncing off the walls! Or is that the sling?
TG: The walls in my new aptartment... I'm not sure the ceiling could hold a sling. Shit! I wonder if my mom's been reading this to support SheWired? Well, no secrets now.
MU: Like us, it's all out in the open. Sorry Mama Gilchrist!
MU: PS -- you can come over and borrow my sling anytime you want.
TG: Thanks sweetie but you'd better Lysol that shit first!
MU: Ha.Clorox wipes are better.
TG: Anyway... I know you're a hungry boy, so I'll let you go.
MU: As always, it's nice chatting with you... feel better so we can go tear up the town in celebration of SheWired!!!
TG: You Betcha... I say in Palin speak.
MU: May she be sent back to Alaska!
TG: Praise the Polar Bear. Halleluiah. I hope so!
Miss the last "Gossip Girl and Her Gay"?Read it here.
