9 Questions Streaming Through Every Pee-Shy Guy's Mind

There's nothing more terrible than pee-lock (awkwardly standing next to someone while he unzips, pulls out, starts, finishes, shakes and rezips—all the while you’ve been standing there with your schlong out praying to God he doesn’t notice how you haven’t made a single drop). The worst part thing about pee-lock is the more you think about it, the less likely it’s going to happen. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy of epic proportions.

Here are some questions all pee-shy guys have the moment they walk into a public restroom. 

1. Should I just pee in the stall? 
No, that’s ridiculous. You’re a grown-ass man. You can use a urinal.

2. How close should I stand to the urinal? 
It’s worth the splashback. You need to be close. You’ll feel more comfortable that way.

3. Why aren’t there any dividers? 
Your worst nightmare. Keep it together. Hold back those tears.

4. WTF! Is that a trough?
Pigs eat out of these. PIGS. They are not for peeing! Where do I go? There's not enough space at the trough for him. That’s it! This is the last time you go to Dodger Stadium.

5. Why did he have to stand next to me? 
There are so many other empty urinals. Where is his etiquette?

6. Is this seriously the time to talk? 
Yes, the weather out is terrible. Please shut up now.

7. Why did he have to be gorgeous? 
Just in case you weren’t nervous enough, right? 

8. Is he showing it to me? 
Could he be standing any further back?

9. Did I really have to pee anyway? 
Nah, you were just trying. Do the pretend flush and proudly walk away.