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9 Questions Streaming Through Every Pee-Shy Guy's Mind

9 Questions Streaming Through Every Pee-Shy Guy's Mind

9 Questions Streaming Through Every Pee-Shy Guy's Mind
ZacharyZane_

There's nothing more terrible than pee-lock (awkwardly standing next to someone while he unzips, pulls out, starts, finishes, shakes and rezips—all the while you’ve been standing there with your schlong out praying to God he doesn’t notice how you haven’t made a single drop). The worst part thing about pee-lock is the more you think about it, the less likely it’s going to happen. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy of epic proportions.

Here are some questions all pee-shy guys have the moment they walk into a public restroom. 

1. Should I just pee in the stall? Give me strength oprah gif
No, that’s ridiculous. You’re a grown-ass man. You can use a urinal.

2. How close should I stand to the urinal? Ariel Splash little mermaid gif
It’s worth the splashback. You need to be close. You’ll feel more comfortable that way.

3. Why aren’t there any dividers? Sherlock breath gif
Your worst nightmare. Keep it together. Hold back those tears.

4. WTF! Is that a trough?pig shake gif
Pigs eat out of these. PIGS. They are not for peeing! Where do I go? There's not enough space at the trough for him. That’s it! This is the last time you go to Dodger Stadium.

5. Why did he have to stand next to me? Melissa Joan heart wrong with you people gif
There are so many other empty urinals. Where is his etiquette?

6. Is this seriously the time to talk? Bridesmaids making me uncomfortable gif
Yes, the weather out is terrible. Please shut up now.

7. Why did he have to be gorgeous? Gorgeous man gif
Just in case you weren’t nervous enough, right? 

8. Is he showing it to me? Peeing machine gif
Could he be standing any further back?

9. Did I really have to pee anyway? Lana Del Ray you tried gif
Nah, you were just trying. Do the pretend flush and proudly walk away.

30 Years of Out100Out / Advocate Magazine - Jonathan Groff and Wayne Brady

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Zachary Zane

Zachary Zane is a writer, YouTube influencer, and activist whose work focuses on (bi)sexuality, gender, dating, relationships, and identity politics. Check out his YouTube channel here.

Zachary Zane is a writer, YouTube influencer, and activist whose work focuses on (bi)sexuality, gender, dating, relationships, and identity politics. Check out his YouTube channel here.