5 Reasons Why Pokemon Go is the New Cruising

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Had I been born thirty years ago, I would likely have taken to the streets of an evening to cruise for anonymous sex. But because God wanted me to be on earth at the same time as Shakira, today I wander the alleys of Los Angeles with my Pokémon Go in hand, searching for PokéStops to replenish my Pokéballs. As I pass under the yellow pools of streetlights up Wilshire toward West Hollywood, I feel a kinship with my queer ancestors. Whether cruising or on Pokémon Go, we both found ourselves on the streets in the wee hours of the morning, in a desperate search for balls.

And the similarities don’t end there.

The Look

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Leaning against a building in Westwood village, I watch a boy pass by. He is bent over his phone, flicking the screen and mumbling something about a Pidgey. He looks up at me, half submerged in shadows. Do I use the shade to hide my face? To give me an air of mystery, of almost sexual obscurity? No. I stand in the shade to cut down on the glare on my phone. I return the boy’s look and we hold each other’s gaze for a moment. Just long enough for us to recognize why the other person is here, what brought them out of their bed and into the mean streets: some sweet, sweet Pokés. We share a sheepish smile. In pre-AIDS New York, a smile like that would have meant, “I see you, I see who you are inside, and I understand you.” But now it means something along the lines of “I just caught a high-level Onix and I will be dead before I trade it.” The smiles fade and he turns the corner. And just like that, he is gone in the night, and the only thing I have left is the look. The look, and my kick-ass Onix.

The Gyms

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Back in the late-70s cruising was a real and legitimate form of finding other men for sex. If works of literature like Dancer from the Dance are to be believed, then hot gay butt-stuff could be procured with no questions asked in almost any public place—bathhouses public parks, bathrooms, and, most importantly, gyms. Today, gyms play just as important a role in Pokémon Go, where they serve as the hub of not buff young studs, but tough young trainers. Everyone knows where the most prestigious Pokémon gym is, just as everyone back in the day knew where to find the gym with the glory hole. The only difference I can find between the two is that Pokémon Gyms require a lot less lube, and pose no threat of transmitting athlete’s foot.

The Angst

If you’re anything like me, when you first heard about cruising, you said “That's way too much work! I’ll just draw a hot bath and pleasure myself with the handle of my antique chased-silver hand mirror.” And it’s true: Grindr has made finding sex so easy that it’s hard to imagine how much of a production it used to be—and the endless frustration that comes part and parcel with old-school cruising. But now, I feel like I finally understand it. I’ve spent three hours walking up and down Santa Monica looking for hot tops and have wound up with nothing. And by “hot tops,” I mean “hot Kabutops,” the rock/water type fossil Pokémon with one of the highest attack stats in Gen 1 and a killer movepool to boot. But at the end of the night, I found myself lying in bed with nothing to show for my nocturnal perambulations. I felt thwarted and sad. There was not much left for me to do but turn on the tap and lube up the Victorian handmirror and hope for better luck tomorrow.

The Danger

Last night I thought of the scene from Brokeback Mountain where Jake Gyllenhaal’s character drives to Juarez and picks up a prostitute. They disappear into the dark together, risking life and limb just for the sake of the thrill. I am not ashamed to say I have done the exact same thing in order to catch a Machop. You see, aspiring trainers are willing to do anything for that rare Pokémon—there have been reports of kids falling into pools in pursuit of a Pikachu, or finding a dead body, or even being murdered when a Jigglypuff inadvertently led them to a bad part of town. (I say “inadvertently” because I’m giving Jigglypuff the benefit of the doubt. I swear to God, though, you pink sack of shit: one more corpse on your hands and you’re done.) Though most of these stories are hoaxes, the dead body one seems true. Pokémon Go, like cruising, comes with a whole slew of dangers, not all of which have to do with winding up in a bad part of town. The only difference in terms of danger is this: the best outcome of Pokémon Go is that you catch something. The worst outcome of cruising? You catch something.

The Community

Let’s get personal. Toward the end of high school, I started hating myself. I was so worried that someone would find out who I was inside -- what I really liked to do when I was alone. I hid everything in a box in my dresser and would only break it out at night. I was scared. But more than that, I was ashamed.

That’s right. I am an adult who plays Pokémon. A stigma I lived with for so long that I came to believe I was the only person like me in the world. When my friends would ask about the 3DS on my nightstand, I would lie and say it was my cousin’s.

But that all changed this week.

Pokémon Go, unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced, has made me feel like I belong. Now, I chat with perfect strangers on the street. When PokéStops are blooming, I will stand around with a group of thirty students who had come out of their homes alone or in pairs to catch some rare Pokémon: people my age, and often even older. Even when we don’t talk, I feel some sort of kinship with these people. I am one of them, and their presence proves that I’m not alone.

For decades, cruising defined the gay community. It was a product as well as a cause of gay-only spaces. It required gay men to create a covert language so they could converse without being caught. But above all else, whether for sex or friendship, it brought people together. Whether gay or a closeted Pokéfan, I cannot stress enough the relief you feel when you see others like you, manifest in public. When it comes to cruising or Cubone, there is something to say for simply being there.

I think that’s it for similarities. I’ll update this list if Pokémon Go ever gives me gonorrhea, or makes me a target for a hate crime. I don’t think either of those things is likely. But when you’re dealing with Jigglypuff, you never really know.